If this story turns out to involve meth, it might be among the most Oklahoma things to ever happen. Cattle ranchers on Tuesday found a wet, nearly naked man hiding from extreme weather in a guitar case near the town of Muskogee, cold but alive.

You're a college professor. A student's missing class because she's just given birth. Do you a) send an email to the entire class polling them on what grade she should get? Or b) anything but that? One professor chose "A."

[Kobe Bryant, here dressed as a color-by-number gentleman farmer, is likely to spend the next few weeks wondering what he was thinking when he agreed to a photo shoot with the L.A. Times Magazine.]

Who did (troubled?) business magazine Portfolio select to put on its cover this month, in the midst of the greatest financial upheaval since the Great Depression? Dov Charney. Pervy, pacing, dog-loving American Apparel chief Dov Charney. There must be an explanation for this, right?

Out of a Vienna ad agency comes this abomination of a Playstation 3 ad that, were there truly a God, would never have shone its dark light on world. Let me try to paint a verbal picture for you: it's a guy with a thumb for a penis. Plus-ten points to the ad agency for the excellent Photoshop work here; but minus-eight-billion points for ever letting this thing come into being. I never want to touch another Playstation as long as I live, much less another thumb. The full and uncut ad is below: beware.

Suge Knight, CEO of Death Row Records, intimidating former football player, and certified gangster, somehow got himself knocked out at a club on Saturday night. Odd! Even odder: the guy who did the knocking allowed TMZ to take his picture, although "he didn't want us to use his name." Message to that guy: Run, you fool! Run for your life! Message to Suge Knight: we are on your side in this and all other disputes, and don't let anyone tell you any differently. But seriously, Mr. Punchy: Run. Below, two pictures of Suge Knight laid out unconscious, which should not be construed as disrespectful to him in any way:

No matter how you feel about the British stencil artist Banksy, you have to admit one thing: his stuff sells for a lot of money. His works have been going for over half a million dollars lately. A homeowner in the UK with a Banksy mural on the side of her house decided to simply sell the mural through an art gallery, and throw in the home for free. But one NYC store owner lucky enough to have a Banksy piece on his building (pictured) was either too ignorant, or too stubborn to take advantage of it. Yes: he painted over it. I hope he loved his momentarily whitewashed wall, because it cost him hundreds of thousands of dollars. The kind of funny, and kind of painful pictures [via SuperTouch] of the man in the revenue-destroying act, after the jump. Ouch.

What exactly is Starbucks doing? They came out with their revolutionary, game-changing, not quite as burnt new house coffee last week, which pairs well with chocolate marble loaf. But along with the new $11,000 machines to make said coffee, the Death Star-like chain has introduced new coffee cups, and they're... brown? Was the design consultant who knows how to appeal to yuppies sick the day that decision was made? And now the company has bigger problems: McDonald's is determined to kick Starbucks' ass right where it lives. In Seattle!

"Do you live in the Williamsburg Greenpoint area? I know you probably love it. I love it too. But you should be aware of some things. Living here is much like living in a college dorm. It's a hotbed (no pun intended) of sexually transmitted diseases. But it doesn't have to be like this." We agree! Well, maybe up until the last sentence. Anyway, one woman has made it her mission to stop the spread of herpes by, for starters, making it impossible for the guy who gave it to her ever to get laid again.

Boston Herald pays out $3.4 million in libel case after Massachusetts' high court refuses to hear appeal. [AP]