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What exactly is Starbucks doing? They came out with their revolutionary, game-changing, not quite as burnt new house coffee last week, which pairs well with chocolate marble loaf. But along with the new $11,000 machines to make said coffee, the Death Star-like chain has introduced new coffee cups, and they're... brown? Was the design consultant who knows how to appeal to yuppies sick the day that decision was made? And now the company has bigger problems: McDonald's is determined to kick Starbucks' ass right where it lives. In Seattle!

McD's has launched UnSnobbyCoffee.com, a site targeted to Seattle-area consumers who are fed up with all those snobby coffee chains. Do such consumers exist in Seattle? McD's is betting they do, and they're trying to lure them in with a coupon for a free, unsobby espresso. From a "McCafe." On the site, you can also put together an absolutely devilish madlibs-style "intervention" note for a friend, telling them to stop buying those "hoity-toity" drinks and head on down to McD's for a "bootylicious" espresso beverage! Outrageous!

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At the end of the day, most Seattle residents would rather have a coupon for free crystal meth.