This item just needs one committed entrepreneur like Joe Francis to resurrect it. [Copyranter. Click to enlarge]

You're a cop, you're on your way to get your car fixed. You hear there's a shooter at Fort Hood, and then what? You're supposed to respond. It's your job. But could you do what Sgt. Kimberly Denise Munley did?

If more dudes shaved their balls, that's like, thousands more razors they can sell every year. Every little bit helps. [via Adfreak]

In your hopeful Tuesday media column: Portfolio.com hires(!) people, NYT op-ed-speak translated, Philly papers make an offer you can refuse, and journalists in peril:

A new interview's out with P. Diddy, in which he discusses how he gets ready for an evening: a nice ball-waxing followed by heaps of cologne on his privates. Now it's time for everybody to go home. [Crazy Days and Nights]

Gold Bond is more than just a powder that old, decrepit men put on their feet; it's a powder that young, virile men can put on their balls, for fun. The medicated powder, and its cream brethren, produces a pleasing sensation in the male nether regions, according to Gawker videographer and ball-experimenter Richard Blakeley. But this off-brand use isn't just some underground deviant fantasy; Gold Bond has now picked up on it for its own advertising. The company has a site called PowderMyEquipment.com with several videos of guys powdering their... EQUIPMENT ("air quotes"). We would take this as winking corporate encouragement of self-pleasure, if we didn't know better. Click to watch an ad from the site, with a guy taking care of his EQUIPMENT, if you know what we mean.

CBS News has been running a lot unappetizing stories about sex lately. First it was "Things You Didn't Know About Your Penis" (or "Four Things I Already Knew About Your Penis And One That Grossed Me Out"). Then there was "Top 10 Reasons To Have Sex Tonight" (or "10 Terrible Reasons to Have Sex Tonight.") Instead of waiting for CBS to produce their inevitable list of factoids about testicles, we made our own. After the jump, five terribly important facts about balls.

It's not often that we run tips from maids, but something about this e-mail from a woman who purports to be a cleaning lady temporarily employed at the manse of American Idol's muscle-shirted dream-douser Simon Cowell instantly caught our attention:

As part of our ongoing commitment at Defamer to bring our readers as many balls as possible, we follow up Tuesday's offering of Project Runway contestant Jack Mackenroth's Bobbsey Twins with a link to this handsome photo-suite of Jackass star Steve O getting into the Family Jewels premiere spirit by baring his own on the red carpet.

Kirkus editors Chuck Shelton and Elaine Szewczyk (who apparently decided she didn't want her name used in this context after the Daily Intel item went up) both copped a feel of the National Book Award Loser for Nonfiction's junk last night. Chris was showing off the results a his recent Vanity Fair article, for which he'd waxed his "back, sack, and crack." The verdicts? "You cannot believe how smooth it is" and "As smooth as summer cherries."

When we were discussing what celebrities blog about, we somehow neglected Martha Stewart, and this is why we shouldn't have: "This most unusual perennial, Gomphocarpus physocarpus, is called the balloon plant. I like to call it hairy balls. A species of milkweed, it is often used as an ornamental plant and is striking in cut arrangements." [The Martha Blog]

"I believe I am an early-stage Fameball, and nothing I do or say will change my trajectory. I will attempt to use this to my advantage," Vimeo founder and Star Editor At Large Julia Allison doinker Jakob Lodwick has been quoted as saying. Upon hearing Jakob's self-analysis, our first response was: "we want to quit our jobs." After all, writing about how obnoxious it is that Jakob has declared the process of his fame-accumulation unavoidable is, inescapably, part of the problem. After all, Jakob defines the fameball phenomenon as "individuals whose fame snowballs because journalists cover what they think other people want them to cover." But all that doesn't necessarily mean that Jakob is right.

· Add "corpses" to the list of fun things the Sunset Tan people will bronze, right below "grade-school girls with crazy moms." (And in an amusing side note, our tipster found this clip while searching YouTube for clips of "hot blondes" doing stuff.)
· Mayor Villaraigosa is separating from his wife. Our knee-jerk reaction to this news is the blame this photo of him posing with Paris Hilton.
·A South Park promo puts an unnamed network's "balls policy" to the test.
·Brad Whitford has made peace with Studio 60's demise. We just hope that Tom Jeter's brother gets out of Iraq alive.

Viewers of last night's Grey's Anatomy were treated to a suprise cameo appearance—or two, to be precise. As the staff of Seattle Grace stood transfixed, a patient unveiled his massive testicles, which dangled briefly into the frame like a pair of fleshy, deformed grapefruit. As it turns out, the Cisco Adlerian stones were actually the result of [SPOILER ALERT] spectacular genetics, and the patient had merely shown up for his annual physical—a routine procedure that quickly took on intimidating proportions, requiring the combined strength of Drs. McDreamy, McSteamy, and McChokey just to lift a single elephantine teste before ordering the patient to turn to the right and cough.

Unlike certain other fame-adjacent members of Paris Hilton's tardtourage who've recently had images of their naked form made available to the public, former Mischa Barton boyfriend Cisco Adler is philosophical about the notoriety that such an invasion of privacy brings. Reports the NY Observer: