Here's a cheap mid-afternoon giggle for federal workers: A hot-off-the-presses White House proclamation declaring next week — when the government may be shut down — National Volunteer Week. It's that patented Hawaii dry humor, folks; don't try it at home.

Bobby Titcomb, a close friend of President Obama, was arrested on Monday evening in a Honolulu prostitution sting that used a fake escort website.

The president has convened a late night (for Washington) meeting tonight to solve the budget crisis before tomorrow night's government shutdown. 8:45 p.m. White House. Harry Reid and John Boehner will be there. Will you? Obviously not, because you're just some random person reading this website.

Barack Obama is having a big live Facebook meeting later this month. Ordinary Americans can submit their questions here, and then Facebook's billionaire 26-year-old CEO and his underlings will decide which ones the president actually answers. Internet democracy is great.

Funding for the federal government will only last three more days, and leaders of both parties say they have no interest in working out a stop-gap measure for another week or two. "Secret negotiations led by Joe Biden" — which in the late '70s, at least, was Capitol Police code for late night swingers' parties in the Congressional Gym — haven't proven to be very successful. Will these dumpheads ever agree on a compromise to their $30-$60 billion in harsh social services cuts that won't have any significant effect on budgets during a time with massive unemployment and suffering and death everywhere?

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a one-two punch against President Obama. First, Stewart criticized the President for his lackluster first campaign video. Then he marveled at Obama's lack of transparency, despite repeated promises of increased openness.

A major construction project has begun around the West Wing of the White House, shrouding a "expanding and sometimes earsplitting zone of excavation" with plywood fences. This "overdue upgrade of underground utilities," according to the AP, will take years to complete.

The Obama Administration will announce this afternoon what's been expected for about a year now: Self-described 9/11 mastermind Khalid Sheik Mohammed won't be tried in a New York civilian court as originally planned and instead will go before a military commission at Guantanamo Bay. That's an unusual way to follow up the PR blitz surrounding your campaign launch, isn't it? By caving? No! Shut up! Fewer questions, more donations!

President Obama has officially filed the paperwork for his 2012 reelection bid, as you may have been notified by email, text, tweet, second email, carrier pigeon, secret government brainwave transmission, and so on. The announcements comes with this video of campaign supporters urging you to begin constant grassroots organizing efforts, immediately. The campaign website asks "Are you in?" and urges you to "Get In with Facebook."

Absolutely no one is on pins and needles over whether Barack Obama will seek reelection. But let's try to get excited about him announcing next week that he'll run for President again. It means he really likes working with us!

Even when Democrats' fortunes tumble spectacularly in the short-term, the party can always remind itself that national demographic trends favor them in the end. Many, many old white people will die soon enough. This generation's youth voters are lopsidedly liberal. Meanwhile, Hispanics — who've voted strongly for Democrats in the last two elections after mainstream Republican rhetoric took a sharply nativist turn in 2007 — will occupy a larger and ever growing percentage of the American population. Throw in reliable support from 80-90% of African Americans, and the Democratic party could be dominant in the not-too-distant future.

Hey now wait a minute. Why would the National Republican Senatorial Committee produce a campaign ad supporting Barack Obama... unless... Oh, right, it's April 1 and everyone tells lies all day. Then again, this video appears to have been uploaded on March 31, so maybe the NRSC really does want Obama to win in 2012. That would be nuts. You can watch the ad and decide. Obama rides a unicorn over a rainbow and suggests boosting oil imports from Brazil, though not in the same shot.

On tonight's Factor, brand new birther Donald Trump chatted with Bill O'Reilly about Iraq, Iran, Libya, and that dirty socialist Barack Obama. Trump's solution for the Middle East? 1) Stay there, 2) hoard the oil, 3) ???????, 4) profit!

Last week, Fox News' Bret Baier was grilled by Jon Stewart regarding the network's "hard news" objectivity. And while Baier asserted its legitimacy, on tonight's Daily Show, Stewart unearthed some questionable (read: driving-the-narrative-via-baseless-opinion) statements by Baier's boss, Bill Sammon.

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart—during an "Indecision 2012" segment—opened with discussion of potential Republican presidential candidates for 2012 and the need for them to desperately appeal to what amounts to a pretty ridiculous base of voters.

During an interview on Monday, Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos asked President Barack Obama whether or not he had his own computer, eliciting the sassy retort above. He's the freaking POTUS. Of course he has his own computer! That the interview happened to be part of a town hall for students, parents and teachers at Bell Multicultural High School, in D.C.'s Columbia Heights, kind of works against the whole cool-factor, however: Now every teenager in America can say, "I was just trying to be more like the President!" the next time they respond to a teacher's earnest query by cracking wise in class. [via The Daily What]

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart opened with a segment about President Obama's address to the nation (given last night) about America's mission in Libya. Apparently, Stewart isn't too keen on Obama's explanations—or the timing of them.

National Journal reports that President Obama is "fewer than three weeks away from formally announcing his reelection campaign." There will be a special YouTube video in honor of the occasion, and maybe some other stuff! (A piñata perhaps?)

Tonight, during Jon Stewart's "I Give Up!" segment, the Daily Show host discussed the news that GE paid no federal income tax for 2010, despite $14.2 billion in profits. Stewart also took aim at President Obama and NBC News.

Every once in a while, President Obama has to explain to the nation why he's doing stuff. He doesn't want to do it, because you guys annoy him, and you don't want to listen to it, because Dancing With the Stars is on. But this is how democracy works! And we are currently dropping bombs on Libya, a country (?) in Africa (?), and it is important that you know why we are doing such a thing, because otherwise George Will or someone will whine forever and ever, and also, your tax dollars something something.