Hey, what's this? Our President, Mr. Change, giving a little speech to some guy fucking around on IRC or something? No, look out, it's a Terminator!

Quick, somebody get Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh on the phone, because not only is our Muslim-communist Dear Leader taking over all of American industry, he's also dishing out Academy Awards!

Our favorite part of the way the cable news nets are hyping Barack Obama and Dick Cheney's "dueling" national security speeches? The super-sized all-caps crawl that Fox News broke out during Obama's speech: "AHEAD: VICE-PRESIDENT CHENEY REMARKS ON TERROR & SECURITY." What no exclamation marks?

Are Barack Obama's liberal supporters turning against him? One couldn't escape sensing that watching Rachel Maddow's show last night. Not only did Maddow express her own grievances, but Newsweek's venerable gumshoe Michael Isikoff reported on a meeting between Obama and liberal supporters that went completely off the rails.

So the GOP "strategy" was to have vaguely well-regarded party members attack hated Dems like Pelosi, as Newt is doing. It was not to have their most hated representative attack the very popular president.

Aneesh Chopra might have been embarrassed by a medical-records breach in Virginia, but his nomination to White House Chief Technology Officer has been better secured. He can thank the senator on whom he lavished donations.

Ancient U.S. Senator Robert Byrd, the man third in line to assume the Presidency should something unfortunate happen to President Obama, has been hospitalized due to complications from an infection, though he will NEVER die!

Today, Barack Obama is hosting Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at the White House for what will be a very tense and important diplomatic meeting. Some clowns in Chicago decided to help out!

In February, the New York Times reported that Newsweek would soon be unveiling a design specifically intended to "appeal to its best-educated, most avid consumers of news." That new design is being unveiled today.

Today, after much protest, controversy and hysterical outrage, Barack Obama delivered the commencement address at Notre Dame. In his speech to the Catholic school's graduates, Obama addressed growing concerns about his "respect for life" head-on.

For the love of God can the Obama White House please assign someone to keep a 24-hour watch on vice-president Joe Biden to insure that he doesn't get out without his muzzle on ever again?!

President Obama has an awesome new strategy for dealing with Republican leadership: send 'em to China. Meet Republican former Utah Governor, and now, Obama appointee Jon Huntsman Jr.

Tonight Jon Stewart took a less than familiar Daily Show target, the Obama administration, to the proverbial woodshed for breaking promises that were made during the campaign on governmental transparency and gays in the military.

Speaker Nancy Pelosi essentially said today that she is the victim of a CIA information operation directed against the constitutional leadership of the United States. So what else is new?

Barack Obama decided yesterday not to release some photos of U.S. service members abusing Iraqi and Afghan detainees, and everybody says its a brave fuck-you to the left. But it's really another shrewd Obama rope-a-dope.

Sometimes I wish that just one time in a situation like this Obama would walk up to the microphone and say, "you know what...screw all y'all!" But a boy can dream, can't he?

For years, doctors and researchers have stressed the importance of getting eight or nine hours of sleep. Sleep-deprived zombies can take heart in the list of people who do with much less: Barack Obama, for example, says he gets by with just four hours a night and yet he still seems capable of, like, running the country and stuff. (As for whether the same is true for members of Obama's inner circle, well, that's another issue.)

Paul Krugman is cautiously optimistic about health care reform happening at some point this year! Let's all celebrate!

Joe Biden is finally useful! Barack Obama has to appoint a Supreme Court justice, see, and his goofy Vice President used to be the guy in charge of torpedoing those nominations.

Just in case you missed it, video clips from Barack Obama and Wanda Sykes' speeches at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner on Saturday night. [YouTube, YouTube]