Congratulations to brittle newsmatron Barbara Walters on landing a blockbuster exclusive with Syrian madman Bashar Al Assad, who is responsible for the wanton murder of 4,000 of his own men, women, and children. Or as Walters put it, a "mild-mannered ophthalmologist." It's time for her to go.

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon showed off their six-month-old twins for the first time on 20/20 on Friday night. But the babies—a son named Moroccan and daughter named Monroe—came at a high price for Carey, as you'll see in this clip of her discussing her pregnancy with Barbara Walters.

Prince Harry is apparently dating a cocktail waitress from San Diego who looks kind of like his sister-in-law. Kim Kardashian is not divorcing, uh, what's-his-name. And Mariah Carey's babies are finally photographed. Saturday gossip wants Lindsay Lohan to send it 30 In-n-Out burgers.

Joe McGinniss, author of crazy/enthralling Palin biography The Rogue, went on The View today to demonstrate his trademark ability to force powerful women into awkward discussions of their vaginas.

Famous uterus Bristol Palin spent some time at Hell's nail salon, aka The View, this morning, and boy could Barbara Walters not stop filthy talking to the poor breed mare.

There really are no words to describe this video other than "completely insane." But let's try: here is a ridiculously edited discussion of a sex tape from a recent The View, juxtaposed with Rob Lowe talking about his own sex tape on Oprah, Satan Lady on Dr. Phil with lots of weird props added into and onto the ladies for your, uh, viewing enjoyment? We don't even know. We just don't want to watch this alone.

The Kardashians throw a typically low-key engagement party. Paris Hilton throws a fit. A-Rod throws Cameron Diaz out. Saturday gossip is all about divas.

This morning Dr. Oz started adjusting to life after Oprah by making an appearance on The View. While discussing the benefits of fiber with the ladies, he noted that one of its side effects is gas. Naturally, this caused Whoopi Goldberg to start farting it up.

Did you know that Star Jones has a new book out? Yes! It's called Satan's Sisters and it's about five women who co-host a daytime talk show. Oh, no, no, no, it's not about The View. No, really!

Donald Trump went on The View this morning to spread his birther nonsense and talk about potentially running for president in 2012. When Barbara Walters pushed for an answer of whether or not he could win he says, "I definitely think I could beat Obama." Really, Donald? Really?

On today's episode of The View, one of the "Hot Topics" was—duh—Charlie Sheen. After playing a clip of Sheen's manic webcast from last night, Barbara Walters got serious, remarking, "This man needs lithium. This man needs treatment."

Tonight, Larry King hosted the final ever episode of Larry King Live with the help of Bill Maher, Ryan Seacrest, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Regis Philbin, Diane Sawyer, Brian Williams, Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, Bill Clinton, and more! The best moments, inside.

Someone needs to let Barbara Walters know that she's not a comedian. She walked onto The View today in a boxing outfit, claiming that the presents were from Santa to help her fend off the ladies during their incessant fighting.

The highlight of Barbara Walters' 10 Most Fascinating special tonight—naturally—was her interview with the Jersey Shore cast, which was almost as dirty as the show itself! Inside, watch Walters and the gang talk Grenades, Smushing, GTL and more.

We already know how Oprah Winfrey feels about BFF Gayle King, but what about longtime partner Stedman Graham? They're still together! In fact, when Barbara Walters told Winfrey tonight that many people don't know that, she was shocked. Watch inside.

Tonight, Barbara Walters visited the Late Show to chat with David Letterman/promote the two specials she has airing tomorrow. When the topic turned to Oprah Winfrey—subject of Walters' first special—many laughs were had at her expense. Watch inside.

Barbara Walters gave a preview of her interview with Oprah Winfrey today, and was kind enough to give us the moment we've all been waiting for: A direct discussion of Oprah's gay-seeming relationship with Gayle King. It made her cry.

Kirsten Dunst appeared on The View today (perhaps wearing a wig and / or looking very View-like). Barbara Walters retells the backstory behind Dunst's latest film All Good Things and suddenly starts talking like thiiis?

Barbara Walters' annual televised celebrity kiss fest, "Most Fascinating People," has anointed this year's chosen ones. As tends to be the case with objects of popular fascination, most of them are scourges of the earth. Let us rate Babs' choices.

The View co-host is traveling with her young son, and she made up a fun little game for him to play at the airport. Actually, the game sounds like it could go awry, but A+ for parental effort!