A new study published Monday in the scientific journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences has proven, finally, that women really do want it all.

Men. Canada is full of them. And women. In almost equal numbers. But should they be friends? Or only sex partners and enemies? These are the questions plaguing our northern neighbors, as evidenced by an article recently published and republished on several of the websites of the country's major newspapers owned by the Postmedia publishing group:

Teenage boys have long been stigmatized as riskier drivers than teenage girls. Twenty years ago, they paid double the insurance premium of their female counterparts. Now the danger (and insurance premium) gap is closing, as young divas emerge from their shells like beautiful Botticellian Venuses, texting and sexting and working that radio while driving like the boys used to do. The result: today young men's insurance premiums are only about 25 percent more than young women's. (Women also make 77 cents to men's dollar.)

Hey there, men. There are only a couple hours left of International Women's Day, but, if you've yet to pick up something nice for your special lady, you still have time to give her what she really wants: the gift of your sweet, sweet tears.

When it was suggested a while back that, based on its rapid rate of genetic decay, the male Y sex chromosome was bound for extinction in five million years' time, women everywhere were like, "Haha, five million years' time can't come quickly enough—Am I right, ladies, am I right?"

Of all the stupid things in all the world, a restaurant in Canada is trying to ban men from their God-given right to pee standing up. That's right, the last acceptable (semi-)public display of masculinity is now being brought to its knees—or rather to its ass on a slimy, germ-filled toilet seat. Sad.

Sorry, it's just science. A new study confirms that men whose wives make more than they do are more likely to cheat. This study was conducted by a PhD student from Cornell—an Ivy!—so it must be real.

Men are sick and tired of having their masculinity degraded by the soulless, woman-dominated advertising and media machine! AskMen.com, a brave defender of testosterone rights, has assembled a list of the "10 Worst Male-Bashing Commercials." These ads' offensive, accurate depictions of men as bumbling idiots easily manipulated by females will make you ask yourself: "Dude, is this really happening in this day and age?" Sadly, it is. Men still suffer from sexist stereotypes today. The #1 worst male-bashing ad in the universe is below; "the most disturbing portrayal of all is the little girl's arrogance and sense of entitlement," AskMen opines. You greedy young tarts have manipulated a sundae out of us for the last time! Equality is on the menu!

Erica Jong says Matt Taibbi wants to fuck his mom! But he can't, so instead he channeled that desire into print by calling Hillary Clinton's arms "flabby." It's all part of the feminist author Jong's theory of "Misogyny, Momism, and Militarism," which she chronicled on the Huffington Post. "Momism is a kind of Oedipal obsession with the bad mother — to counter a boy's attraction to his good mother...You cannot fuck your mother so you must revile her," she explains. Taibbi, the angry Rolling Stone writer who is the most entertaining political journo in America, surprisingly took offense to Jong's logical inference that his use of an accurate adjective in a magazine story pointed to his own desire for incest. So he replied: you're an old, ignorant hack, Erica Jong!