[Ashley Olsen in New York today; image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Sarah Jessica Parker getting into a Prius outside her house; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Alex McCord drank while pregnant. Bethenny Frankel found a maternity bikini. Sandy B is def divorcing Jesse James. Coca-cola killed Michael Jackson somehow. Simon Cowell's wedding will be a giant publicity stunt. Monday's gossip was sent to bed without supper.

[The actress, or whatever she's doing these days, in New York yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

Sources say the star has made up her mind. Lindsay Lohan nonsensically addresses her white powder accident. Mischa Barton barfs. Levi Johnston is back for more. Michael Jackson wasn't dead at the hospital. Tuesday's gossip is alive. It's alive!

Though long believed to be the hips-swivelingest, child-adoptingest, Miami-livingest, women-never-datingest straight pop star in town, Ricky Martin has revealed today, on his website, that he is a gay person who does gay things.

Actually, we were too busy watching fish eat hippo dung on Life last night to be bothered. But fearless fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern tried to crash her way into the festivities. Here is her tale.

After an argument outside of LaGuardia, Robert De Niro's driver sprayed a paparazzo in the face with pepper spray. The actor was already past security when it happened. Let's hope this press aggression doesn't continue. Be careful out there, boys!

[Celebrated actress Marisol Hartigan filming "Law & Order: SVU" with Sharon Stone (not pictured) today; image via Bauer-Griffin]

The makers of feminine hygiene product Mooncup enlisted the drugged-out singer in their quest to nickname every lady's flower. We thought Amy's parts would have a tougher moniker. Ew, we officially just spent too much time thinking about Winehouse's vagina.

Lady Gaga's former bassist wants his royalties. Sandra Bullock gets a divorce lawyer. Her husband's tattooed mistress loses a job for being a Nazi. Madonna leaves New York. Kate Gosselin can't dance. Tuesday's gossip is embarrassing itself in public.

She wants total control of her daughter's life. Reese Witherspoon has a new man. Jesse James' ex-wife fights for custody—again. No one shows at Bethenny's baby shower. Octomom gets a porn offer. Monday's gossip is pregnant and horny.

[Samantha Ronson hitting the town with American Idol high priestess Adam Lambert in New York last night; image via Bauer-Griffin]

[Sharon Stone filming "Law & Order: SVU" (the besssst one) with Marisol Hartigan; image via Bauer-Griffin]

It was no shock that Snooki has naked photos on the internet, but we were a little surprised to hear that she may have been a part of a teenager's death.

The unemployable starlet's only gig was helping children in India, and that may be in jeopardy now that the country is thinking of banning her due to visa violations and talking shit about the country on Twitter.

[Marion Cotillard, a French swan turned into a human woman by a witch's spell, gets pin-pricked while being inducted into France's Order of Arts & Letters; image via Bauer-Griffin]

MTV is having all their top moneymakers examined. Kate Gosselin hates the dancing stars in her galaxy. Corey Feldman is banned from Corey Haim's funeral. Martha Stewart can't get laid. Monday's gossip got up an hour late.

[Teen scenesters Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato are accompanied by a random weirdo to church, actual Church, yesterday; image via Bauer-Griffin]

[ A newly single Jennifer Love Hewitt with takeout from Koo Koo Roo. Image via Bauer-Griffin ]