“That was shrinkage for me,” said Justin Bieber, confirming the fact that, despite media reports, he remains a nightmare human.

FLORENCE, ITALY — In the four hundred years since Forte de Belvedere was constructed, just outside the city walls of Florence, it has never been attacked. Tonight it was placed under siege by Beliebers.

Professional problem child Justin Bieber has many tween girls willing to hand their bodies over to him at a moment's notice, but only one True Belieber was willing to transform his body for Bieber — and he's a 33-year-old man.

It was the Anne Frank House guestbook entry read 'round the world.

Justin Bieber may have had a pretty lousy birthday, but one of his Twitter followers is having a really lousy month — and it's all because of him.

A photo posted yesterday on Justin Bieber's official fan page appears to show the recently embachelored teenybopper pop star getting a bit too familiar with one of his fans during a meet and greet in Miami.

Internet trolls earlier this week launched a concerted effort to get Justin Bieber fans to shave their heads for the bubblegum pop star by assaulting every social network with the "shocking news" that Bieber was diagnosed with cancer.

Have you heard Justin Bieber's new single, "As Long As You Love Me?" If you haven't yet, you will: Again and again until the only way to seperate its syrupy resin from your brain is a partial lobotomy. Justin Bieber fans have launched a stunningly well-orchestrated campaign to make sure Justin Bieber is the only song played on the radio this summer.

Canadian pop gremlin Justin Bieber turned 18 today, much to the delight of thousands of creepy older women who made jokes about having sex with him on Twitter. Now is a good time to take a definitive look back at the 18 years that made Justin Bieber a star.

Musical haircut Justin Bieber has a new Christmas song, "Santa Claus Is Coming to Town," and the video is inexplicably steampunk-themed. Sorry, steampunks: time to get a new quirky aesthetic pastime before it blows up among 14-year-old Beliebers.

News that Justin Bieber was hit with a paternity suit by 20-year-old Mariah Yeater has shaken the Biebersphere to its very core. Could you believe that some Beliebers are not happy with the young woman who claims to have deflowered 17-year-old Bieber?

Justin Bieber has reportedly invested in a "stealth New York startup." This is a good sign for the health of the tech industry, as Justin Bieber is famous for his investing acumen and overall financial genius.

According to Mexican news outlets, the hysteria around Justin Bieber's upcoming Mexico City concert has reached such levels that a girl has even offered to trade her virginity for a ticket. Ladies, it's not worth it!

Having, through "a Facebook contest," effected a coup against the rightful mayor of Forney, Texas, 11-year-old despot Caroline Gonzalez chose to immediately flaunt her power by changing the name of the town's "Main Street" to "Justin Bieber Way."

23-year-old David Dowling and his buddy were busted for stealing a life-size cutout of Justin Bieber from an F.Y.E. in a Florida mall. (They still have those!?) He told the cops: "We were just having fun holding Justin Bieber hostage."

Daniel Edwards, the insane Brooklyn-based sculptor behind masterpieces as Suri Cruise's bronzed poop and Britney Spears giving birth on a bear rug is back. Now he's installing a nude statue of pop power couple Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez in an adult film store in Dallas.

12-year-old Ronan Parke is the breakout star of the current season of Britain's Got Talent. Here's a video of him covering Lady Gaga's "The Edge of Glory." He's not half bad but—just like his lesbian counterpart—we can't get past Ronan's uncanny resemblance to Justin Bieber. That hair! [via BuzzFeed]

At a wreath-laying ceremony at Ground Zero, the 14-year-old daughter of a man who died in the Twin Towers told President Obama that she wanted to meet Justin Bieber. "I know Justin," Obama reportedly replied. "Maybe I could set something up."

If you haven't checked in with Justin Bieber recently, he's still the No. 1 cherubic bionic pop robot in the land. But challengers crowd the base of Heartthrob Mountain. Totally lame challengers.

Madame Tussauds unveiled a wax statue of Justin Bieber today. The resulting photos of people interacting with an uncanny lump of boy-shaped wax are sort of horrifying.