We look forward to that time less than 48 hours from now, when we can finally frame the entirety of the 2008 election season in our smudged rearview mirror and watch it shrink as we head toward the country's other essential round of cutthroat campaigning. But for all the misbegotten PSA's, infomercial filibusters and other punishing effluvia, we admit we'll miss the bits of election-related freakery that arrive with oxygen just in time to save us. And of course, the more unexpected, the better — like Ben Affleck bellowing about his cat after the jump.Or rather, Ben Affleck as Keith Olbermann bellowing about his cat, one of a scorching fistful of issues chafing at the imperious MSNBC pundit last week on Saturday Night Live. His outrage over Miss Precious Perfect's rejection from their Upper West Side co-op represents only the most insistent of his convictions, however, and in turn, only one delicious course of the scenery menu Affleck spent nearly nine-minutes devouring. If we didn't know any better, we'd think all this big-shot director really wants to do is act. And really, we couldn't blame him. [SNL] Click to view

Oh, swoon. Just when we thought we couldn't like him any more, Mad Men star Jon Hamm has to go and do a guest-spot on funniest show ever 30 Rock. As a potential love interest for Liz! So that's pretty great. He ably hosted Saturday Night Live last weekend, so we're confident he'll bring the funny. Is this guy on track to be the next George Clooney or what? He's charming and amiable but stern at times, has rugged good looks, and a relaxed but assured masculinity. He's got it all! Or does he... I mean, he's still living pretty modestly. The first season of Mad Men, given that it's an AMC show, probably didn't pay much and his second season contract most likely didn't give him a huge raise. Last we checked, he was living in Los Feliz and driving a leased Audi. So he's not quite tooling around his own Clooney Manor on Lake Como yet. Nor is Mad Men an enormous success or the Hamm name a household one. Yet. Actually he sort of reminds us of those young lads from Good Will Hunting who stood, some 11 years ago, poised to conquer the world. One went one way, the other another. And that has made all the difference. Mr. Hamm is, yes, about ten years older now than Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were when they broke out, but he's arguably at the same career crossroads. So now does he go the Affleck route and try to make his movie star name in cheesy blockbusters and just become a Big Famous Person? Or does he tread more stealthily, choosing diverse and difficult actor parts with fancy directors, like Damon did with The Talented Mr. Ripley and All The Pretty Horses. We know how all that turned out, so hopefully Hamm will take Damon route and do the art house pictures and become big ticket popcorn star. Just like Mr. Clooney, really, who zipped his way through good schlock (the Ocean's movies) and bad schlock (Batman & Robin) before he could really exercise some muscle and get his own creative pet projects made. Clooney has, really, the perfect acting career—a mixture of dark, substantive work and fun lighter fare—and Damon looks to be following ably in his footsteps. We hope that Hamm can do the same. Right now he's got both an indie and a big blockbustery thing in the can, so... two roads diverge.

♦ Angelina Jolie can be seen breastfeeding on the cover of the upcoming issue of W. Brad Pitt is the one who took the pics. He's also the one who convinced Angie to have kids of her own, she says. [NYDN, People]
♦ A judge denied Christie Brinkley's request for a temporary restraining order that would bar Peter Cook for seeing their kids this weekend. He did rule that Cook cannot "expose" them to his 20/20 interview. [People]
♦ Sarah Palin is set to appear on SNL on October 25th. [Cindy Adams]

· Returning to his Blind Date/Hudson Hawk roots as a sensitive, almost Bergmanesque observer of angst and insecurity, Bruce Willis will make his directorial debut and star in the "indie psychological drama" Three Stories About Joan. And if you still harbor doubt about the film's chamber-drama cred, 10,000 B.C. star Camilla Belle is attached to star. [Variety] · Lifetime outbid six other networks for the rerun rights to How I Met Your Mother, which execs are reportedly considering spinning off with the Lifetime original series How I Survived Your Father Knocking Me Up at 15. [THR] After the jump: Ben Affleck loses his job, Billy Crystal reclaims his own, and the world contemplates another Star Wars movie.· Ben Affleck is in talks to star as a downsized corporate hack in Company Men, which we're told calls for a second male lead as well. Matt Damon casting bets are currently paying 2:3. [THR] · After a six-year hiatus, Billy Crystal will return to the big screen opposite Dwayne Johnson in Tooth Fairy. [Variety] · On the heels of Capote the Hutt, would George Lucas dare to adapt the new Star Wars video game as an animated feature? On second thought, please don't answer that. [Hero Complex] · CBS and ABC were up, Heroes was down on the fall TV season's opening night. [Variety] · Sony is keeping the plot for its newly optioned feature White Dad "under wraps." Meanwhile, the aggressively quick thinkers at Lifetime are angling for a Latino Babysitter MOW sequel as we speak. [THR]

So delighted was Ben Affleck with the Pick-Me-Up™ African Boys' Choir Bouquet thoughtfully sent to him by a handler before the Gone Baby Gone's premiere, the actor sent a similar arrangement to lifelong friend and Oscar-custody-sharer Matt Damon, in honor of the birth of Damon's new baby daughter, Gia. Each colorfully adorned singer is hand-picked, last up to two full weeks, and is sure to brighten any room of the house.

How does the slowest industry news week of the year suddenly become a busy one at Defamer? Simple: Just add a Washington bureau! However, since we entered grueling negotiations last week to bring Victoria Jackson aboard as our full-time bureau chief and ideological consultant, we've fallen behind on a list of essential stories coming out of this week's Democratic National Convention. So for the sake of your political edification and our poor, congested inboxes, here's the latest worth knowing from Denver and beyond:· Hollywood East is open for business, reports Variety, with everyone from Jennifer Lopez to Kanye West to Cyndi Lauper enlisted to share in the platform platitudes. The bad news: Bono is skipping Denver, leaving a sanctimony vacuum from which organizers are attempting to shield guest speaker Fran Drescher — especially at this altitude. · Gamble for Democracy! In the best DNC synergy to date, Poker Players Alliance and the Paralyzed Veterans of America are co-hosting a charity tournament Tuesday at Coors Field. Ben Affleck will among the players; the winner gets a seat at the 2009 World Series of Poker. · "According to the Center For Responsive Politics, which follows political money, [Joe] Biden throughout his U.S. Senate career has raised only $390,298 from the TV/Movies/Music sector, including a mere $187,600 from entertainment industry donors in 2008 while he was running for President." More from Nikki Finke. · Access Hollywood kicked a note over the transom reporting that Jennifer Hudson will sing the national anthem before Obama's speech Thursday night. · Sheryl Crow performed at Red Rocks on Sunday, later telling Extra that while Barack Obama inspires her, "Celebrity has sort of become a derogatory term." Not on our watch, Sheryl! Anyway, tune in tonight, etc. etc. · Speaking of Extra, this just in about the show's Denver correspondent: "Carlos Diaz is reporting all week from Denver’s Democratic National Convention and is available for live shots." But enough about target practice! Zing! Ugh. Politics is hard! · Paul Colichman, the mogul (and Hillary Clinton supporter) behind Out, The Advocate, the Here network and other gay media monoliths, is outraged by Obama's professed aversion to gay marriage. "If we write checks to candidates who don't stand up for us, aren't we being self-destructive?" We don't know, Paul — Hillary didn't support gay marriage either, and you seem to have survived. Off you go! [Via Queerty]

Pregnant Juno star Jennifer Garner asked if the snappers surrounding her could take about ten big steps back before she entered a medical building. As a woman with child, Garner needs all the space that she can get. Garner added, "I'm showing, not like Minnie Driver showing, but us pregnant women can explode at any moment. And in the best interest of me, you, and your sneakers, let's take a couple of steps back and let move on by."

The pitter-patter of little feet is getting kind of annoying today at Defamer HQ, where news of not one, not two, not three, but four celebrity pregnancies and/or births have us hand-delivering sex-ed pamphlets to front desks everywhere from CAA to ICM. Even in this uncertain era of creative gas-rationing and looming SAG strikes, Hollywood seed is flying, and nowhere is it landing more conspicuously than in the always-competitive sphere comprising Matt Damon, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner; just when Damon and wife Luciana had welcomed Gia Zavala Damon into the cruel, cruel world, Garner confirmed her pregnancy with her and Affleck's own second child. Then, as the rivals regrouped to plot their escalation, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went and blobbed at Cedars-Sinai:

· Ben Affleck will star in Mike Judge's Extract, about the trials and tribulations of "a flower extract factory owner." We know the punchline is "Ow My Essence of Citrus Blossom!" We're just not sure how the rest goes. [Variety] · The Zurich Film Festival will bestow their highest honor, The Golden Herring, upon the franchise-defibrillating achievements of aging action mercenary, Sylvester Stallone. [Variety] · NBC Universal has acquired U.K.'s Carnival Film & Television, the first step in their ruddily cherubic child-king's seven-year plan towards world domination. [THR] · The House Bunny and Legally Blonde writers Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten "Kiwi" Smith have sold ABC Studios a script for a potential series based on their "champagne-and-therapy-fueled" creative process. Working title: Set-Ups and the City. (Now who wants a show about our malt-beverage-and-hackery-fueled creative process?) [THR] · Lifetime ordered six episodes of Blonde Charity Mafia, a documentary series about young fundraising socialites in D.C. Couldn't they have squeezed the word "Sluts" in the title somewhere? That would have really sold it. [Variety]

• Matt Damon's wife Luciana gave birth to the couple's second child together yesterday, a girl named Gia Zavala Damon. [NYDN]

Top Chef's Tom Colicchio turns 46 today. Also celebrating: Marquee co-owner Noah Tepperberg is turning 33. Dealmaker (and Bill Clinton golf partner) Vernon Jordan is 73. Artist Andres Serrano is 58. Ben Affleck is 36. Times style editor Trip Gabriel is 53. And producer Linda Ellerbee is 64. Saturday is the big day for Madonna: The material girl will officially be 50. She shares her birthday with Kathie Lee Gifford, who is turning 55, and Steve Carell, who's turning 45. On Sunday, Robert De Niro will be 65, the same day Jorge Posada will be 37, Jonathan Franzen celebrates his 49th, and Sean Penn turns 48.

Looks like Liv Tyler should've asked her Armageddon co-star Ben Affleck for some tips on how to tip on the DL. While at LAX on Tuesday afternoon, Tyler attempted to slide the tip into the skycap's pocket, but the skycap mistook the gesture for something a bit more forward. Tyler explained that she was trying to tip him and didn't mean anything by it. The skycap smile and said, "You could just give it to me. No need to be a Sneaky Pete about things."

Hollywood triple threat Ben Affleck must be looking to add another talent onto his resume as he displayed his undercover tipping skills. Affleck did not want to make a big spectacle out of tipping the limousine driver in front of the camera, so he decided to slip it into his coat pocket. Affleck said, "I'm going to tell him to check his pockets once he drops us off. I think he's going to be happy with what he discovers." Affleck picked up the move from a rerun of Friends he saw while on his trip and plans on using the trick very often in the near future. Affleck said, "If you see the Benster, you better check your pockets cause you may find a very nice present."

On their way to an art class in Brentwood, Violet Affleck nearly provided the snaparazzi with the show of shows as she fumbled around with her famous mom's shirt collar. Jennifer Garner said, "Whoa, sweetie. Somebody is acting like a Chico State student who had one too many Coronas after finishing his last mid term final."

Whenever a long-standing couple like Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel hit the skids, we feel the need to play Emma and set the lovelorn kids up with someone new ASAP. And since we were the ones who debunked the news that Jimmy had already rebounded with one of his writers, we feel like we should continue our tradition of suggesting a few paramours for the pair of funny people. See our suggestions after the jump.

In light of some breaking hair-related news involving future fugitive Katie Holmes, we must admit that we’ve underestimated the Scientology prisoner. As the Daily Mail reported over the weekend, Broadway’s least-alluring celebrity rookie recently chopped off even more of her already chin-grazing bob, and even dared to pull out those hair curlers in what could be the beginning move in a new strategy to finally flee the Knights of Hubbard. Though Kate’s "boyish" cut may backfire, it’s a clever plan nonetheless. Below, we provide five of the best examples of drastic 'do-caused catastrophes directly linked to highly publicized breakups, from Jennifer Aniston’s self-conscious bob that led to Brangelina, to Cameron Diaz’s unfortunate goth dye job that failed to inspire any future sex or love sounds from Justin Timberlake:

Formerly a featured member of the Rapid Downsize club currently bowing down to newly slim star Colin Farrell, Matt Damon has notably chunked up for his role in the true story of an FBI whistleblower in Steven Soderbergh's The Informant. And despite the part's fun-filled requirements that he stop going to the gym and live on sweet potato pancakes with crème fraîche, Damon is reportedly feeling more than a bit self-conscious about his new frame. While Ben Affleck has taken the opportunity to relive his glory days as a funny sidekick, lashing out at Damon by nailing one-liners like "the man has to buy two seats on an airplane!", chubby Matt is fearing the month of November, when People announces his successor as "Sexiest Man Alive."

Dear Diary,
So, there I was with my little cart ready to zip off for a business trip and guess who walks into the elevator? None other than Ben Affleck! I couldn't believe it. I've been living out here in LA for a quite few years now and I finally had my first celebrity sighting. It was great. I kept my cool. I wanted to tell him that I was such a fan of his work, but the only movie I could think of was Forces Of Nature and I only sorted of remembered it. I think I saw it one time on cable. So, we just sort of went up to the second floor and nodded in agreement with each other a lot. It was great cause I was in an elevator with a big deal actor, but I just thought I was going to have a lot to say to him, that's all. Now, as I sit, looking back on the incident, I could come up with ten million things to talk about. Hindsight is always 20/20, as a wise man once said. Well, off to the company mixer.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

• Anne Hathaway's Italian ex-boyfriend, accused con-man Rafaello Follieri, originally had planned a big spontaneous "vacation" to Italy for his "birthday" Wednesday, but of course he's in jail now, so no "dining patio, huge cellar of expensive wines, pricey pastas and locally caught seafood" for him. [Post]