Freida Pinto Gets Whitewashed By VF [Extrawhoredinary via Jezebel]
Related: Did Vanity Fair lighten Beyonce's skin? [MSNBC]

Jeez, America, can't you take a joke? You only think Etta James hates Beyoncé because you think Miley Cyrus is racist because Britney Spears is sober. Or something.

• Arthur Sulzberger Jr. and his new girlfriend, Helen May, first met during an Outward Bound trip to Machu Picchu in 2005, according to May's husband, Kevin Ward. "I'm just sorry my wife didn't find someone more substantial. There's way less there than meets the eye." [P6]
• Etta James says she "didn't really mean" the stuff about Beyonce; she's still "miffed" at Obama for not inviting her to the inauguration. [NYDN]
• Kelly Cutrone inked a deal with Bravo for a new reality show. [P6]
• Russell Simmons is reportedly dating model Julie Henderson. [NYDN]

• Tom Cruise tried to impress a group of reporters at a press event in Brazil by speaking Spanish instead of Portuguese. Nice one, Tom. [P6]
• Etta James is no fan of Beyonce. She told a crowd in Seattle that she "can't stand" the singer, and that she "had no business" singing "At Last" at Obama's inauguration two weeks ago. Oh, and she's "gonna get her ass whupped," if she keeps singing Etta's songs, too. [NYDN, OK!]
• Paris Hilton wants to date a "big-money man" in LA, but she isn't having much success finding one who's willing to be seen with her in public. [P6]

Karole Armitage's Armitage Gone! dance company held its annual benefit last night at Capitale. The honorees at the Think Punk! event, Jeff Koons and Earle Mack, celebrated with their wives, Justine and Carole, as well as with attendees like Rufus Wainwright (left), Andre Balazs, Calvin Klein, Fabiola Beracasa, Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson, Nicole Miller, Lauren duPont, Allison Sarofim, Peter Marino, Mary Boone, David Salle, Michael Musto, Dominique Levy, Sandy Brant, Tom Sachs, Todd Eberle, Francesco Clemente, Michele Zalopany, and Jamie Niven. [PMc, VF, WWD]

• Why didn't Anderson Cooper and the "attractive Hispanic man" he flew to DC with sit next to each other on the flight? [Page Six, previously]
• Paul McCartney and girlfriend Nancy Shevell may be getting ready to marry now that Nancy's divorce has been finalized and Paul has gotten approval from daughter Stella. [NYP, NYDN]
• Someone hacked into Kanye West's MySpace and Gmail accounts. [P6]
• Prince Harry and girlfriend Chelsy Davy have split up. [People, Daily Mail]
• Execs from Amy Winehouse's record label have flown to St. Lucia to "drive some common sense" into her. Good luck! [The Sun]

All of the celebrities descended on Washington DC for yesterday's presidential ceremonies, in which former President Bush was pushed into the Potomac on an ice floe, never to be seen again. Read the dish!

Today should be a busy day for thieves who earn a living robbing the homes of the rich and famous: Hundreds of celebs and corporate titans have been in Washington today for the inauguration and are expected to put in appearances at one of the many official and unofficial balls scheduled for this evening. Barack and Michelle will make their first stop this evening at the Neighborhood Ball, where the lineup includes Mariah Carey, Jay-Z, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, will.i.am, Stevie Wonder, Faith Hill, Shakira, and Mary J. Blige. The Equality Ball at the Mayflower Hotel will feature entertainment by Cyndi Lauper, Melissa Etheridge and Rufus Wainwright. Lou Gossett Jr. will serve as host at the Purple Ball, where performances by Il Divo and Peter Cincotti will entertain the likes of Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, John Cusack, Ed Harris, Ashley Judd, Patricia Arquette, Brendan Fraser, and Josh Lucas.

• Sarah Jessica Parker is dying to cast Britney Spears as Carrie Bradshaw's younger cousin or niece in the next Sex and the City movie, or at least that's the rumor anyway. [MTV]
• Jeremy Piven was not on the plane that crashed yesterday, just in case you were worried or anything. [NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan says she works "as hard" as other actors, but she gets no credit due to the "mess that I created in my life." [NYP]
• Is John McCain thwarting our chance to see Cindy McCain on Dancing With the Stars? Say it isn't so! [P6]

• It's getting ugly between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony: Star reports that the couple have gotten "physical" and there's been lots of "pushing and shoving," and Lopez has even gone running back to Diddy for help. [Star]
• Heiress Casey Johnson's new short hairdo? It's because she got into a vicious brawl with ex-girlfriend Courtenay Semel, who set Casey's hair on fire and beat her up so badly that she had to be hospitalized. [P6]
• Better not ask Beyonce to dog sit. Staffers at her label, Columbia Records, say she dropped off her shih tzu six months ago but has yet to come pick little Munchie up. [The Sun]

The most important issue of Barack Obama's impending presidency has yet to be answered. Just who, pray tell, is going to perform at his big inaugural concert bashes?? No one knows! And it's so soon!

Jay-Z and Beyoncé lounging aboard a yacht off St. Barts ... Lindsay Lohan hanging out on the beach in Miami ... Adrian Grenier swimming with dolphins in Australia ... Eddie Murphy strumming the guitar off the coast of St. Barts ... Gerard Butler out on the town in South Beach ... and Paris Hilton on Bondi Beach in Australia.

Top row (from left): Daniel Craig, Russell Simmons, David Letterman. Bottom row (from left): Giorgio Armani, Beyonce, Donatella Versace.

As we noticed yesterday, certain quarters of the media seem to be under the impression that if, like a child covering his ears and shouting "lalalalala," they pretend that the scene down at the Miami Art Basel is as glitzy and cash-soaked as ever, people will believe it. "Recession schmession," crows Blackbook. "From the rumor that UBS would not tone down their annual dinner and gala—even amid scandal speculation—to the abundance of caviar on hors d'ouvre [sic] trays, it all smells like decadence to me." Well, it might smell like it, but to the dealers and artists actually trying to make money, "it's all about markdowns and modest expectations," reports New York's Alexandra Peers in a dispatch entitled "Kmart Special Time at Art Basel Miami."

♦ Claudia Schiffer is the new face of Yves Saint Laurent, succeeding Naomi Campbell. [Vogue]
♦ Beyoncé has tapped Thierry Mugler as "creative adviser" for her upcoming world tour. [WWD]
♦ Another giant American Apparel store opens in Soho this weekend. [Racked]
♦ Forever 21 is opening a 90,000-square-foot store in Times Sq. in 2010, God help us all. [WWD]
♦ A map of all the holiday pop-up shops popping up around town. [Racked]
♦ Your sister-in-law doesn't want another cashmere sweater for Christmas. She'll just take the cash, thanks. [WSJ]

♦ Hockey star/former Vogue intern Sean Avery was suspended from the NHL indefinitely yesterday following "inappropriate public comments" about ex-girlfriend Elisha Cuthbert. "It's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds," he said referring to Cuthbert's relationship with fellow hockey player Dion Phaneuf. [NYP]
♦ Britney Spears celebrated her birthday and album release yesterday by lip-synching her way through a performance on GMA and then heading off to Tenjune, where she partied with the likes of Heidi Klum and Lance Bass. The comeback may be short-lived: She's still abusing prescription drugs and is "plagued by insomnia and shaking fits," at least according to the Star. [The Sun, ThisIsLondon, Star]
♦ Blake Fielder-Civil, Amy Winehouse's estranged husband, just got out of prison. But now it looks like a return trip is in store. [Mirror, Daily Mail]

Agyness Deyn hailing a cab in Soho ... Reese Witherspoon walking around the city with a friend before appearing outside the Letterman show yesterday evening ... Nicole Kidman speaking at an event for the United Nations ... Jay-Z and Beyoncé sitting courtside at the Knicks game last night, and then Beyoncé performing on the Today show this morning ... and John Mayer leaving his apartment building last night with a FedEx package in hand.

Beyonce's latest video has sparked a YouTube dance craze. Anderson Cooper pretends to be confused about it to hide the fact that he's probably been grooving to it all day ("Do they still call them 'albums'?"), yet, he already knows that it's a "bouncy tune, as Lawrence Welk used to say—I'm quite partial to it myself." We know you are, Andy. We know you are.

Glenn Close walking her dogs in Central Park ... James Gandolfini making faces at photographers outside the Milk after-party at the Bowery Hotel ... Madonna walking on the sidewalk last night ... Natalie Portman carrying her dog and a cup of coffee ... Brooke Shields, Kim Raver, and Lindsay Price filming scenes for Lipstick Jungle on the Upper East Side ... Twilight star Robert Pattinson arriving at JFK ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment on East 13th and later shopping at Dean & DeLuca with Suri ... and Beyonce unveiling her Seventeen cover at the Hearst building.

♦ Alexander Wang was the big winner at Monday night's fifth-annual CFDA/Vogue Fashion Fund awards at Skylight Studios. Wang and fellow nominees like Richard Chai, Jason Wu, Lisa Mayock and Sophie Buhai, Irene Neuwirth, Alejandro Ingelmo, Juan Carlos Obando, Albertus Swanepoel, Swaim and Christina Hutson, and John Patrick were feted by John Galliano (left, with Charlize Theron), Anna Wintour, Diane von Furstenberg, Sally Singer, Andrew Rosen, Reed Krakoff, Jeffrey Kalinsky, Julie Gilhart, Julie Macklowe, Daphne Guinness, Sasha Heinz, Tory Burch and Lyor Cohen, Andre Leon Talley, Narciso Rodriguez, Maria Sharapova, Penn Badgley, Zac Posen, Vera Wang, Chanel Iman, Juliette Lewis, Harvey Weinstein and Georgina Chapman, Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo, Lauren Santo Domingo, Peter Som, Piper Perabo, Phillip Lim, Lazaro Hernandez, Maggie Betts, Calvin Klein, Damon Dash and Rachel Roy, and James Franco. [PMc, NYO, Style.com, The Daily]