On last night's Saturday Night Live, host Paul Rudd spent a lot of time bottomless. Somehow, he also managed to choreograph the finest Beyoncé /Sasha Fierce video we have ever seen. Musical guest Beyoncé's more aggressive and sensual alter-ego needs a powerful partner, and Rudd's impressive creative vision for the singer involved being violently flanked by his stepsons, Justin Timberlake, Bobby Moynihan, and Samberg. Beyoncé must have taken the bottomless digital short to heart, as her second musical number ensured we will never criticize the bottomless pop star for anything, ever again. Click for the clips.
Beyoncé's sketch with Paul Rudd brought back fond memories:

As exit strategies go, Daniel Craig's long view on stepping away from James Bond is the most progressive we've encountered in some time: At a Quantum of Solace press conference last week in Rome, Craig suggested that Barack Obama's election win had perhaps laid the groundwork for a black 007. Admittedly, we hadn't yet considered the "action-movie franchise" component of Obama's social influence, but at least one critic opened the discussion online — and this only days after Beyoncé Knowles made a public appeal for the role of Wonder Woman in the long-delayed (and presumed dead) comic-book adaptation. And so begins America's next essential civil rights debate: Have our blockbuster heroes moved beyond race?Clearly it depends on whom you ask. By at least one person's standards Batman is already Turkish, and Hancock recently depicted cinema's first drunk, misanthropic superhero as a black dude living on the streets. Global audiences threw $624 million at Will Smith in the latter film, and according to Craig, may be color-blind enough to greet a black Bond with similar largesse:

♦ Now that she doesn't have Guy Ritchie to boss around, Madonna is finding more time to control everyone else: She's supposedly been "begging" Gwyneth Paltrow to leave her London home so they can spend more time together in New York. She's also busy orchestrating a reunion between Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears: All three will be performing together at Madge's concert in LA tonight. [The Sun, E!]
♦ Padma Lakshmi is apparently on a "man-search" for a filthy rich boyfriend now that her flings with Ted Forstmann and Russell Simmons are over. [P6]
♦ Now that the election is over, Tina Fey says she will be officially retiring her Sarah Palin impression. [Extra]

♦ A long list of celebs have been involved in a last-minute effort to get out the vote for Obama, including Oprah, Diddy, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Edie Falco, John McEnroe, Mary J. Blige, Russell Simmons, Beyonce, and Jay-Z. In the elderly celebrity writer department, Vanity Fair's Dominick Dunne says he postponed surgery so he could vote today. [R&M, Politico]
♦ Ivana Trump has been calling Marius Rusovici, the 23-year-old Belgian she's been hanging out with, "her boyfriend," although it may just be a plot to make Rossano Rubicondi jealous. Or stir up some press. Or both. [NYDN]
♦ David Duchovny and Tea Leoni were spotted holding hands while their kids went trick-or-treating on the Upper East Side last Friday, which may or may not mean they're getting back together. [P6]
♦ Sumner Redstone's ex-wife, Paula Fortunato, is still living in his Beverly Hills mansion. But he may have already reunited with his ex-girlfriend, Manuela Herzer. [P6]

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson getting on the subway at Spring Street ... Kate Beckinsale smoking on the sidewalk in SoHo ... Naomi Watts shopping at Whole Foods on Houston Street ... Naomi Campbell leaving her hotel ... John Legend walking around town ... Beyonce talking on her phone at JFK ... Penn Badgley and Blake Lively under an umbrella on the set of Gossip Girl ... Christina Aguilera getting into an SUV with son Max ... Joshua Jackson on the set of Fringe ... Aretha Franklin arriving at her Midtown hotel ... The Who's Roger Daltrey going for a walk ... Marion Cotillard and Guillaume Canet crossing the street ... Katie Holmes coming back at her East Village apartment after a matinee performance on Broadway ... and Sarah Jessica Parker taking son James to school.

♦ You didn't expect to hear that Lydia Hearst actually wrote that column in Page Six magazine by herself, did you? In response to Hearst's accusation that Page Six fabricated her latest column—the one in which she bashed her family's publishing company—the mag now says that Hearst's writing process involved being interviewed by a reporter who then "put her thoughts into cohesive paragraphs." And they have the emails to prove Lydia's trash talk. [P6]
♦ Madonna is reportedly under pressure from the leaders of Kabbalah to reach a divorce settlement quickly, lest the mess cast a negative light on their freaky cult. Guy Ritchie, however, isn't making it any easier now that he's apparently rejected Madge's latest £20 million offer. [Daily Mail, ThisIsLondon]
♦ Michael Phelps got paid $100,000 to swim around at a pool party thrown by a TV network chief's wife. [P6]
♦ It's a match made in heaven: Jamie-Lynn Sigler and Jerry Ferrara, who plays Turtle on Entourage, are dating. [R&M]

Jay-Z and Beyonce leaving 1OAK ... Michael Phelps leaving MTV studios in Times Square ... Juliette Lewis using an ATM in SoHo ... Katie Holmes leaving her apartment building on East 13th ... Uma Thurman shopping in the Village ... Brooke Shields, Kim Raver, and Lindsay Price filming scenes for Lipstick Jungle in the West Village ... Carrie Underwood posing with her wax figure at Madam Tussauds on 42nd Street ... Agyness Deyn and Albert Hammond Jr. walking with a friend ... Donatella Versace leaving the Chanel Mobile Art afterparty at the Waverly Inn ... Kate Bosworth outside the same party ... and Madonna getting out of a helicopter while carrying son David.

Rachel Weisz walking by herself in the meatpacking district ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts holding hands while walking in NoHo ... Ellen Barkin talking on her cell phone in the Village ... Colin Farrell getting in a taxi ... Chace Crawford walking with his handlers to the Gossip Girl set ... Tom Green and Seth Green leaving their hotel ... Rosario Dawson stepping over a puddle ... actress Elizabeth Banks walking into MTV studios in Times Square ... Beyonce and James Marsden posing outside MTV ... Katie Holmes taking Suri to get ice cream, and later getting out of an SUV in front of the Schoenfeld Theater ... Whitney Port walking in the meatpacking district ... Lindsay Price, Kim Raver, and Brooke Shields filming Lipstick Jungle in the West Village ... Lindsay Lohan leaving the Bowery Hotel by herself in the afternoon, and then walking out of the hotel with Samantha Ronson later that night.

♦ Michael Phelps is telling people he's single even though he's actually dating Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson. [R&M]
♦ Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters airs on Friday, but Christie Brinkley's lawyers now say he violated a confidentiality agreement by speaking with the network. [OK!, ABC News]
♦ Hugh Hefner says his relationship with Holly Madison began to crumble six months ago when they found out his sperm count was too low to father any kids. Also, he's already auditioning new girlfriends. [E!]
♦ Anna Wintour's latest celebrity obsession? Gerard Butler. [P6]

Click to viewBoomp3.com At a press conference announcing the start of physical production on Sherlock Holmes, Robert Downey Jr. tried his best to get his co-star Rachel McAdams to crack a smile. Downey asked McAdams about the itsy bitsy spider’s journey down the waterspout and how the rain lightly came down on her arm, but still no smile. Not even a smirk. Then Downey Jr. started to softly sing a Beyonce song, but the Mean Girls star remained tight-lipped. As Downey began to search the deep recesses of his mind, he pulled out a fairly recent chestnut. Downey cleared his throat as his face twitched slightly then tilted his head to the side and asked, “Are you going to full retard with your performance? Or half retard?” McAdams’ smile appeared like a rainbow after heavy rainfall and Downey breathed a major sigh of relief. [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

♦ Harvey Weinstein may be a million bucks poorer today. Or maybe not! After yesterday's email debacle, Harvey says he'll donate $1 million to the Robin Hood Foundation once he can verify that Scott Rudin's email is "authentic," which means he'll probably conduct an "investigation" into the matter until it blows over. [P6]
♦ Janet Jackson has been released from the hospital. But fiancé Jermaine Dupri doesn't seem too concerned. He hasn't missed any of his scheduled party appearances the past few days. [People, R&M]
♦ Britney Spears' lawyers have been working overtime to quash the sex tape she made with Adnan Ghalib. [The Sun]
♦ Salma Hayek was spotted in Paris with her ex Francois-Henri Pinault, which means it's time to start speculating about whether they're getting back together. [Daily Star]

Christy Turlington carrying her daughter in SoHo ... Beyonce dressed up as a police officer on the set of her new music video ... John Mayer walking to the gym by himself ... Blake Lively carrying her dog in one hand and her coffee in the other ... Julianne Moore crossing a street in the West Village ... Taylor Momsen holding a can of soda on the Gossip Girl set ... Sienna Miller grabbing a drink downtown with an unidentified man ... Tom Cruise carrying Suri and glaring at photogs ... Julia Roberts pushing a doublewide stroller ... and Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky holding hands on a walk.

• Britney Spears is supposedly furious with her mother over her upcoming tell-all, which accuses the pop star's former manager of grinding up pills and sneaking them into her meals. She should be in a better mood, however, after she reads all the positive reviews from her appearance on the VMAs last night, where she kicked off the show and later won three awards. [P6, NYP]

Bernie Kerik, the disgraced former NYC police commissioner, turns 52 today, although we imagine that this year there will be no celebratory hugs from his former boss. Today is also Beyonce's birthday: the singer, actress, and wife of Jay-Z is 27. Celebrity DJ Mark Ronson turns 33 today. One of the many contenders for mayor in 2009, Anthony Weiner, is 44. Mike Piazza is 40. Damon Wayans is 48. And Shar Jackson, the woman gave birth to Kevin Federline's kids before he found Britney to do the job, is 32.

Beyonce showing up to watch her sister Solange perform at the J&R Music Fest in City Hall Park ... Chace Crawford leaving his trailer on the set of Gossip Girl ... Jennifer Aniston shopping for jewelry at Fred Leighton ... America Ferrera dressed up as a softball player on the set of Ugly Betty ... Kid Rock performing with Lynyrd Skynyrd on Good Morning America ... Wesley Snipes walking out of Spice Market ... Katie Holmes leaving rehearsals with a cup of coffee in hand ... and John Mayer walking out of Nobu.

• The Obama campaign is marshalling the full power of the fashion industry to get ahead: A long list of designers—definitely including Derek Lam, Isaac Mizrahi, Tracy Reese, and Diane von Furstenberg and possibly including Beyoncé, Russell Simmons, and Vera Wang—will be creating official merchandise like totes and t-shirts. [WaPo]

Tom Cruise walking Katie Holmes to rehearsals for her Broadway show ... Donnie and Marie Osmond performing on Good Morning America ... Taylor Swift leaving and then returning to her Midtown hotel ... the Jonas Brothers getting mobbed outside the Trump International Hotel ... the stars of the Dutch version of High School Musical eating lunch at Pastis ... Royston Langdon and a mystery brunette leaving Pastis ... and Beyonce and Jay-Z walking out of the Waverly Inn.

The Beyonce/ L'Oreal Photoshop scandal, which began earlier this week, has reached critical mass. Lots of people think that L'Oreal digitally lightened a photo (pictured) of Beyonce in an ad in Elle magazine. L'Oreal denies it. The contention that they did lighten the pop diva's skin tone is supported by-in summary-the fact that it looks like they did. Five Beyonce photos from the past are below; compare and contrast:

The Post reveals today that cosmetics giant L'Oréal painted Beyonce a lighter shade of brown for a new Elle magazine ad, "making the world-famous singer virtually unrecognizable." And they made her nose a wee bit bigger, too, no? Of course, this isn't the first time she's been whitewashed.

• The federal probe into what exactly caused Heath Ledger's death has officially been closed. Which means Mary-Kate Olsen is off the hook, will not have to testify, and can return to her normal (or not-so-normal) life. [NYDN]