It looks like Lohan might not face criminal charges for her rehab assault kerfuffle. Lindsay's spirit sister Demi Lovato has reached similar peace in her life. Zac Efron has shaved his hair and it is sad. Britney Spears shops.
Gossip types are absolutely atwitter over the news that Weeds star Mary-Louise Parker has a new boyfriend, singer Charlie Mars. But not everyone's celebrating. In an email entitled "Cougar Goes Too Far," one irate tipster claims Parker's a man-stealing tart.
Kevin Bacon turns 51 today. Milo Ventimiglia of Heroes fame is turning 32. Beck is 39. Celeb chef Wolfgang Puck is 60. Real estate developer David Walentas is turning 72. Paul LeClerc, the president of the New York Public Library, turns 64. Hedge fund manager Dwight Anderson turns 41. Actor Billy Crudup is turning 41, too. Anjelica Huston is 58. Country singer Toby Keith is 48. Actor Jeffrey Tambor turns 65. Columnist-turned-author Anna Quindlen is turning 57. Actress Sophia Bush is 27. And singer Joan Osborne turns 47 today.
The latter is the subject of a brand-new viral video, which re-weaves the American tapestry to include Crudup's big, blue superhero, Dr. Manhattan. How was he created? What powers does he possess, and how have they transformed the world as we know it? What was up with that terrible Dr. Manhattan cartoon on Saturday mornings? All those queries are answered and then some, but we have one complaint: the news report is full of censored wang. If there's anything the moviegoing audience needed to begin preparing for, it's some incredible, cerulean hero-steak. [Youtube]
What great bard was it that once said, "You don't know what you got til it's gone"? Superman, right? Maybe it was one of the Wonder Twins? Ah, well, no matter — it's just that this brand-new, second official trailer for Zach Snyder's Watchmen calls to mind that intense pang of loss one feels when something dear is stripped away. In this case, we are referring to Billy Crudup's naked blue wang, which seems to have gone missing.It was less than a month ago that Crudup's CG cerulean phallus first thrust itself into the national consciousness, and in that time we've stopped pondering matters like, "Dude, Rorshach sounds just like Christian Bale as Batman" or "Nope, nope, still don't care for that Silk Spectre costume," instead devoting our thoughts to only one question: "The wang — how much are we gonna see it?" Sadly, the new trailer is totally wang-free, indicating that whole scenes — even ones that Crudup does not appear in! — may occur without a glimpse of his flaccid, blue Lower Manhattan. For shame, Mr. Snyder. Please rectify this situation with a red-band (or blue-band?) clip, post-haste. Click to view
For months, fans obsessed with Zack Snyder's superhero opus Watchmen have harbored fears about the movie's epic running time, wondering whether the version that comes out in theaters (assuming it ever does) would be cut or uncut. Now, thanks to the HD version of the second Watchmen trailer, we have a new focus for that very same question: Billy Crudup's bare, cerulean penis! As big blue hero Dr. Manhattan, Crudup spends the bulk of his on-screen time in the buff, and unlike the anachronistically clothed Spartans that starred in Snyder's 300, the director is allowing Crudup to let it all hang out. So, is it real, or is it CG? The NSFW wang, after the jump:
Though it's currently tied up in litigation, there may be no 2009 film more anticipated than Zack Snyder's adaptation of the seminal graphic novel Watchmen. Even the federal judge handling the studio dispute made sure to note that he loved the trailer, though he cautioned the filmmakers, “There’s always a risk that if you get one of these very evocative trailers, you put pressure on the movie." Thanks, Judge Fees! Meanwhile, Snyder hasn't let the pending legal death match slow him down — last night, he showed off 25 minutes of well-received footage to a select group of journalists. Many noted its utter fidelity to Alan Moore's original graphic novel, though there was one audacious new six-minute sequence added by Snyder himself:
In a summer where we seemingly can't go a full day without facing down some newer, denser wave of comic-book effluvia, the recently released Watchmen teaser is up there among the more nerve-rattling encounters we've endured. It may just be the destabilizing Billy Corgan whine, or poor Billy Crudup writhing in CGI anguish, or the idea that Zack Snyder is actually the "visionary director of 300" to which the ad copy refers. Or maybe it's just that the only teasers that seem to captivate our attention any longer feature either vaguely racist chihuahua dance numbers, Brad Pitt aging backwards in Spanish or some permutation of men saving Earth — usually brooding and often in slow-motion. Maybe it's just that we need to get out more. In any case, here you go. Did we mention Billy Corgan whines? Never mind. [Empire]
Was Billy Crudup one of those little boys who liked to dress up in his sister's outfits a little too often? Playing a girl once is a good way to show yourself to be a Serious actor who Isn't Afraid to take risks. Now he's playing FBI director J. Edgar Hoover in the film Public Enemies, who was also a notorious cross-dresser. [Variety] Click to see a pic of Crudup as a girl from the film Stage Beauty. He's pretty!
From our mailbag: "Dear Gawker, I recently had the displeasure of sitting through the snore fest that is "Evening" and wanted to share some thoughts with you. This movie was atrocious in every way ... there wasn't 1 minute of it that was enjoyable ... despite "the greatest actresses of our time" plodding through it. Despite it's grand themes of regret, loss and death, what I took away from the film was this ... Hugh Dancy is the younger cuter Billy Crudup. What is up with Claire Danes, she is a total sicko ... like how can you start dating someone who is the younger "cooler" British version of your old man boyfriend? Fucking weird and gross. I always knew Claire Danes was a weirdo but this is TOO much." Right? Seriously.
The date: May 15th
The place: Fifth Avenue at 18th Street
Sighted: "Saw Billy Crudup talking on his blackberry, huddled in a phone booth on 5th Avenue just below 19th street. He is short and had a stupid mustache which was creepily reddish and not the same color as his hair. Looked a little freaked out as I turned to look at him and realized who he was."
If you've ever wanted to paw through the real-estate records of prominent New Yorkers foolish enough to conduct business under their own names, here's your chance. Curbed points out that documents relating to the sale and ownership of co-op apartments — formerly a mysterious, private affair — have abruptly turned up online. Thrill to Jerry Seinfeld's actual signature on his UCC3 termination! No idea what that means, but with a little digging, you can match up real-world events with documentary parallels — as a tipster notes, here's the evidence of Billy Crudup paying off Mary-Louise Parker to the tune of $1,487,359.33 after ditching her for Claire Danes. Or perhaps you'd prefer to gaze lovingly on Ann Coulter's most recent mortgage? And of course, there's Jeffrey Epstein's West End pad (at least we think it's though sadly not "our" Jeffrey Epstein). Much more, but there are only so many hours in the day. Find anything else particularly interesting? Let us know.
