It seems that Nice's favorite "very, very nice" patient and her well-appointed womb has taken a turn toward Grumpyville. Nearing the end of her seemingly endless gestation period, Angelina Jolie has grown tired of her hospital/hotel and its Michelin Star-less menu and has started demanding that salmon be brought in from other Clooney-approved restaurants. And, more ominously, reports have surfaced that Jolie has abandoned her strict one-shower-a-day regimen. A collective gasp...

As we round the corner onto the 17th month of weist-loss guru Angelina Jolie's seemingly interminable pregnancy (we're picturing the twins refusing to come out until the winner of their marathon, inter-uterus Boggle tournament is finally determined), the AP brings us this photo taken outside the Lenval Hospital in Nice, where Jolie is currently checked in under the assumed name of "J. Aniston." In it, a hospital worker can be clearly seen applying some kind of top-secret, high-tech material, developed by scientists at France's struggling space program, that effectively prevents any photographers from capturing any member of the Jolie-Pitt clan on film. (Amazingly, anyone else who happens to be in the room develops just fine, resulting in eerie shots of a staff of nurses and doctors fussing over empty space.)

Twice now, we've dangled before you the magnificent prospect of Angelina Jolie delivering two more blob-angels to her growing lineage. Both stories turned out to be wrong—the last of which left us so disappointed, we found ourselves tormented by anxiety nightmares on the topic. (One particularly harrowing scenario involved the Wanted star in stirrups as she shot out two genetically flawless newborns, who somehow managed to curve around a suspended pig carcass and land gently in adjoining cribs on the far side of the room.) In any case, it appears we are inching towards some perfect-baby-making resolution here:

A little over a month ago, typically dependable celebrity-water-breaking newssource ET reported that Angelina Jolie had birthed conjoined-lifemate Brad Pitt's second batch of genetic progeny. But just as the world prepared to deliver a thunderous "Hazzah!" for Chosen Ones Numbers 2 through 3, the story was debunked, and a low moan of disappointment rolled across the land. Still, she can't hold on to those little messiahs forever—they'll eventually want out. In fact, one French publication called Closer (a brief look at their website suggests they cater to that lesser-sophisticated segment of France's population who demand access to exclusive photos of Really Skinny Colin Farrell) claims they are already here! From HuffPo:

Welcome to Day 5 of Jolie WombWatch: We join you live as the world's downtrodden and miracle-needy—still frustrated over the lack of any measurable improvement since the last Chosen One graced our midst—sit glued to their ham radios, anxiously awaiting any verifiable updates on the official birth-status of Jolie-Pitt Chosen Children Numbers Two through Three. (The latest theory is that ET was right all along, and that the couple is covering up the delivery in order to score an exclusive payday with another publication. Conspiracy! Building 7! Runner 6074! Hill: Ego Only!) Meanwhile, Baby Truth is wheezing its tiny lungs out behind a full-on media-assault smokescreen. Most notably, Jolie graces the cover of the current Vanity Fair, where she describes all the dilletanteish qualities in Pitt that inspired her to break up his marriage:

So how does a reliable wombsource like Entertainment Tonight get a story as important as Angelina Jolie's impending delivery so wrong, they become the laughingstock of the entire celebrity-birth-exclusives circuit? In the days since misreporting that Jolie had birthed twin girls named Isla and Amelie, the entire company has been subjected to a non-stop barrage of finger pointing and snickers. But how could they have made such a gaffe? Jossip explains how the disgraced celebrity news outlet was played by a savvy assistant impostor:

We know we threw your worlds for a loop this morning when we relayed ET's joyous news that noted orphan-collecting pregnancy-dabbler Angelina Jolie had delivered healthy twin girls, then cruelly swiped back the statement like a rattle from an abandoned French toddler. We've been patiently awaiting ET Online's retraction, but instead have gotten nothing but the above meltdown message for the past couple hours. Could their faulty reporting have caused a massive, Paramount Tabloid Syndicate grid failure? Or are they just closing shop until the intern instructed to, "Get me a fucking picture of those twins, I don't care if you have to set up a step-ladder and climb into Angelina's birthing canal!" returns with the smoking goods in hand? Developing. [ET Online]

No sooner had we endured the traffic overload at the Petit Trésor website long enough to order a pair of custom-bedazzled Isla and Amelie onesies for the proud parents, came shocking news over the Biological MaternityWatch transom suggesting the Chosen Twins were in fact still resting comfortably inside their mother. People.com debunks:

Big news! The first Morse code beeps heralding the arrival of two more biologically achieved additions to the Jolie-Pitt clan have landed in our Google Telegraph inbox. The joyous development comes almost two years to the day that the couple's first amorphous Chosen Blob was ushered into this world by a coterie of Namibian midwives. By contrast, genetically flawless Jolie-Pitt White Children Numbers 2 through 3 (names pending) were delivered in France, with all the First-World-medical-facility pampering that implies. More details as they come, including the all-important How Jennifer is Handling the News report, and whether or not it involves any huffily dispatched text messages demanding to know, "So r u in or out?? My body is a ticking biologicl wonderlnd!!"