We want to take a brief moment out of our hectic day to celebrate a very important milestone in the life of one of our favorite people: Today marks the 46th birthday of cadaverous acrimony-dispenser Ann Coulter. Coulter, 46, has been a bit quiet of late, perhaps busy reflecting on her own mortality and how, when her end finally comes, all she will have contributed to this world is a legacy of poorly-argued calumny and the suggestion that 9/11 widows blew up the towers themselves for the insurance money (or maybe she's just busy allegedly plagiarizing other people's material for her next book, Assfuckers: How Clinton and Gore Had a Secret Gay Relationship With Osama and Saddam), but in any event, we miss you, Ann: We need your subtle incisiveness back in the the national conversation. Anyway, we were all set to bake you a cake, complete with 47 (one for good luck!) candles in the shape of the New York Times building (fun to watch burn!) but then we remembered that whole snorting-meth-instead-of-eating-food thing, so consider this post our birthday gesture instead. Here's hoping your sail into the shores of 47 is peaceful and untroubled by any further accusations of inaccuracy or literary piracy!
