Peter Thiel, the tech billionaire-turned-Trump delegate who successfully bankrupted Gawker Media, has long been obsessed with anti-aging technologies. He believes people have been conned by “the ideology of the inevitability of the death of every individual,” and has funded startups dedicated to extending the human lifespan. According to Jeff Bercovici of Inc. magazine, Thiel is so afraid of dying that he has begun exploring a novel, and fairly unsettling, technique: Harvesting, and injecting himself with, the blood of younger people.

Blood-drinking pagan and Libertarian candidate for U.S. Senate Augustus Sol Invictus was denied entry to Canada this weekend, FloridaPolitics.com reports. In a press release, Invictus, who is running to replace Marco Rubio, said that he was barred over ties to neo-Nazis.

In September, an Alabama judge was recorded giving a mandate to the offenders assembled before him, all of whom owed money for fees stemming from their crimes. They could pay up, they could go to jail, or they could give a pint of their blood.

If you got into a frontal collision with another car and afterward there was blood streaming down your face, you might leap out and start yelling HOLY FUCKING SHIT MY FUCKING FACE SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE RIGHT NOW I NEED PLASTIC SURGERY FUCKING HELL OBAMACARE. But in fair Canada, even injurious car accidents are pleasant and anodyne.

A recent story in the Wall Street Journal (subscription only) touches on a new breed of startups that aim to make eating in the future an easier, healthier, and more vegetarian experience for you. Hold up, techies! What about those of us who still want to eat delicious meat?

Lena Dunham, the Brooklyn-based film director and television star, posted this picture to her Instagram last night. It apparently shows a bleeding wound on her rear end, caused by a bite from her dog, Lamby. Dunham seems to believe this is cute ("#therewillbeblood" she hashtagged it).

According to a trio of new studies released today, we may only be as old as our blood.

This strange and savage American winter has produced many oddities, and the appearance of Snowy Owls from the Arctic Circle has been the only delight in a season of ice and gloom. And then a Washington DC bus struck a beloved white owl a block away from the White House Rose Garden.

A vial of holy blood belonging to the dead pope John Paul II was stolen from a tiny church in the mountains east of Rome, and an Italian anti-occult organization says the blood was likely taken for Satanic rituals.

A kind-eyed Romanian doctor announced this week that he, along with a team of colleagues at Babeş-Bolyai University, had made a marvelous and potentially life-saving stride for medicine, science, and humanity following the successful completion of a round of testing on the artificial blood product they have devoted the last six years of their lives to developing. PROBABLY BECAUSE THEY ARE A BUNCH OF VAMPIRES.

A Tennessee man uncontrollably cries blood, leaving him without a job and out of school.

Last night's episode of My Strange Addiction was the show's fourth-season finale (I'm already mourning) and boy it was a doozy. The entire half hour was devoted to Michelle, a 29-year-old resident of Lancaster, Calif., with a Jane Child ear-to-nose chain situation and an affinity for drinking animal blood and human blood. Michelle is a tattoo artist but not a vampire. She prefers pig's blood to beef blood because it's gamier. She reports that every human's blood tastes different, there is a difference between men and women's blood (men's is thicker) and that she generally extracts it from the upper arm, elbow area, upper back or inner thigh. "I try to avoid the neck 'cause that's way too cliché," says Michelle. And here I thought that Shoshanna telling Ray on Girls that "Sometimes I love you like I feel sorry for a monkey" would be the best thing I heard anyone say on TV this week.

As many as a dozen children attending a kindergarten in the western Norwegian town of Sola may have sampled some blood that a teacher brought into class for show and tell.

Welcome to our science-like weekly feature, "Hey, Science," in which we will have our most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, theoretically speaking. This week, experts address a Gawker reader's wacky theory: Can massive blood transfusions be used to treat AIDS?

Welcome to Thatz Not Okay, a regular column in which I school inquiring readers on what is and is not okay. Please send your questions to caity.weaver@gawker.com with the subject "Thatz Not Okay."

Researchers from Stanford University have finally discovered a use for all that young blood you've got lying around (just as it was about to turn, thank God): inject it into your bloodstream to become young and beautiful again. Or, anyway, slightly better at memory tasks.

Remember the good old days when America's rivers ran red with blood? When summer thunderstorms rained down blood in big fat drops, staining all our tennis whites crimson? When "Blood. It's What's For Dinner," was for dinner?

I don't know much about sports, but I do know everyone wants to see an image of Washington Nationals rookie Bryce Harper up to bat with blood dripping down his face.

After all these years of pale blue liquid being poured out of a sterile beaker into a maxi pad in commercials, the truth is finally coming out: there's blood in them thar pads! Bodily fluid advertising expert Copyranter says this Always ad (click to enlarge) may be one of the first times ever that an American advertisement has sullied itself in such a gruesome way. Sorry, gents—it appears that this maxi pad business is not as sanitary as we've all been led to believe.

Blood tests! Omnipresent alligators! Abounding planets! European telescope! Disappearing Avandia! Sniffing mammals! Laser wheelchairs! Repulsive energy! And DIY levees! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—as if Schrodinger's cat would allow such a thing!