It's understandable if some damage is incurred while docking (we're all human), but his must be the worst parallel parking job I've ever seen. How did this boat captain ever get a license?

And here I thought only NYU kids rented out booze boats for maritime/river-tour graduation parties. A bunch of Brooklyn's International HS immigrant-students celebrated their prom on one, tried getting drunk, and in one case, made out with their drunk chaperone/teacher.

Keep this boat captain away from icebergs. And also: boats.

Somali pirates are dramatic to a point, but they lack that spy-novelesque element of international (supernatural?) intrigue. Luckily, there may be unknown pirate forces lurking in the seas off Europe—they've already grabbed one ship carrying...secrets???

Doug Liman, the notoriously dickish director of The Bourne Identity, rescued three people from drowning after a boat accident in the Hudson River on Wednesday while tooling around in his sailboat.

What's crazy Representative Michele Bachmann up to, these days? Oh, just saying crazy things, in Congress, where she is an elected representative of the people, and a legislator. Today: America is like "the commercial movie 'Titanic.'"

The last living survivor from the Titanic died today at 97. Millvina Dean was eight weeks-old when the boat went down. Her mother and brother made it off, her father died trying to rescue more passengers off the boat. Her obit's truly a great read. [LA Times]

The hero American crew members of the Maersk Alabama taught those teenage Somali Pirates a few things about America, and its values: we value freedom of commerce. And we value being able to kill you:

So apparently the hero crew that retook their hijacked ship from the pirates today just left one little thing behind: the ship's captain [UPDATED below]:

Angry Londoners are having pitched fruit-throwing battles with bankers in the street. The French are making billionaires call riot police to escort their taxis. And us? We're too busy abandoning our pleasure craft.

The price of marrying someone much younger and prettier than yourself is that they might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer. Uber-cougar Ivana Trump can laugh about it, though, as she did when her fourth and current husband, thirty-something Italian Rossano Rubicondi, put his lifejacket on the wrong way during an emergency drill aboard a Mediterranean cruise. "If something happens, you're floating facedown," she admonished him. Given Ivana's propensity for falling down on yachts, someone needs to keep their wits about them! [Page Six Magazine]

Oh look. Someone has invented the official Pink Floyd cruise. For three days and three nights you can enjoy the sweet sounds of "Think Floyd USA," the country's "number one" Pink Floyd cover band, while trapped on a boat in the Bahamas. Here's our question: would you rather travel on the "The Great Gig in the Sea" or attend the yearly National Review cruise with Dinesh D'Souza and the enraged ghost of William F. Buckley? Please answer in the form of a short essay, in the comments. The best response wins a free ride on the Staten Island Ferry!

Martha Stewart continues to demonstrate her flair for attracting the authorities. This past holiday weekend she and her billionaire boy toy, Charles Simonyi, were taking a spin in Skylands II, her boat, off the coast of the domestic doyenne's getaway property in Seal Harbor, Maine. A few minutes into the excursion, the Coast Guard showed up for a spot inspection of the vessel! It no doubt triggered painful flashbacks of raids of yore for Martha, but all in all it was a pretty innocuous affair: Stewart's boat was forced to dock, a few guys from the U.S. Coast Guard made sure the safety equipment and whatnot was up to code, and then the Stewart-Simonyi loveboat was allowed back on its way. If anything, Martha actually seemed to take pleasure in the USCG's boarding of her pleasure craft—she pruriently notes that the Coast Guard dudes were "handsome" and "strong."

• The Sun hosts an exclusive Webchat with Marissa Mayer, Google's Director of Consumer Products. Our first question for the lovely Marissa: Google bitching aside, just how miffed is she that we excluded her from our Web 2.0 Hotties Competition? [The Sun Online]