On tonight's Colbert Report, Stephen Colbert took a moment (in his one thousandth show) to profile two young Republicans who are about to burst onto the national scene as they have already proven themselves perfect ideologues in Colbert's view. Indiana's Bob Morris is opposed to the homosexual cabal that is the Girl Scouts and New Hampshire's Kyle Jones who opposed mandatory a mandatory lunch break. The future of the GOP is bright indeed.

This just in: Indiana state Rep. Bob Morris has "gone viral" for a sending a ranting letter to fellow Republican lawmakers warning that the Girl Scouts of America is "making their daughters more receptive to the pro-abortion agenda." He wrote it in an attempt to stop a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts.

This week, The New York Times Style section discovers yappy dogs. "There's a bull market in bad dogs right now," reports Bob Morris, who goes on to compile a compendium of terrible stories about rich people's obnoxious dogs. A sample:

Bob Morris, who you might remember as the refreshingly cranky author of the NYT Sunday Styles "Age of Dissonance" column, might be getting a show on HBO. Well, it's a "script deal," and you know how that goes. Classic Morris topics involve voting against children at dinner parties and the perils of small talk in rarefied Manhattan circles ("I blushed. Did I just insult a broadcast icon I should have known? Or did she answer my question in the most literal way possible?") The show will be more of the same, a comedy of manners! He told WWD it would be "about a man who is obsessed with manners and actually doesn't know how to treat people very well. That is me." [WWD]

"'If you want to be sure to be included in a will, always send thank-you notes for all presents,' said Jeffrey Condon, an estate-planning lawyer in Santa Monica, Calif. " And on that note, everyone's favorite bitchy gay uncle Bob Morris ends his 'The Age Of Dissonance' column in the Sunday Style section forever! See why we'll miss him?

At the cocktail party preceding the Council of Literary Magazines and Presses spelling bee last night, former Star editor Joe Dolce was rubbing up against cheetah-sheathed Page Six editor Paula Froelich. Was he here to spell, like Paula? "God no." He was here to cheer on his boy, HarperCollins VP Jonathan Burnham. Joe has been mostly occupied by cheering Jonathan on lately, though he hasn't been completely at loose ends during his year of unemployment: "I was working on a web-based project about design, but I had to pull back from it recently," he said, as a very tall, beautiful woman in a houndstooth skirt and enormous diamond earrings came up behind him and mischievously grinned at everyone. It was Alex Kuczynski, who has been described by this website as a "pervert," a "body modification expert," "somewhat plastically-reconstructed," a "facially-reconfigured semiotician," and most often, "Times rich lady beat reporter." "Hi Bunny!," she said. "I looove your bangs! You look like a person on the 'Brady Bunch'!" Did she mean Cousin Oliver? Whatever, totally charmed! Nikola Tamindzic documented this.

Bob Morris, vacationing with his brother and 8-year-old nephew Ian in sometime celebrity hangout in the Turks and Caicos, Parrot Cay, turns young Ian into a celeb-baiting mercenary after spotting a former supermodel and her son. "I told Ian...that I would give him a dollar to make friends with the famous woman's son." I'm all for using people to get to celebritiesespecially small unwitting children (suckers!) There was, however, a very strange quote in the article: "'Celebrities can cause anxiety among parents,' said Meg Wolitzer, whose new novel, The Wife explores the negative effect of proximity to the famous. 'And the seductiveness of fame can make some adults act even worse than children.'" No idea what she's talking about.
At a resort, an invisible wall [NYT]

If the Osbournes have taught us anything, it's that celebrities are just like you and me, and should ostensibly be treated as such. When conversing with Gwyneth Paltrow, one should never mention acting, the A-List, or the Academy Awards. Safe subjects: the weather (horrendously cold, but warmer than in Gstaad), New York anti-smoking laws (barbaric), and the price of eggs in Japan (Nikkei up, poultry futures up.) The NYT's Bob Morris explains how to make meaningful connections with the stars.
Celebrities are your friends [NYT]