If there's one thing Angelina Jolie loves even more than Hot Pockets, it's babies. Together with partner Brad Pitt, Jolie collects children as though they were Pokemon, though the self-sired birth of their recent Chosen Blobs has allowed Jolie to engage in one eye-opening new activity: breast-feeding on the cover of W magazine! We'll let the purple prose of the Daily Mail describe the tableau: "The Hollywood star sits with brunette locks tumbling over her shoulders, with the top of her blouse pulled down to expose her breast - which is somewhat covered by the tiny fingers which just reveal the presence of one of her suckling twins." Funny, we saw it a different way. Our analysis and the full picture, after the jump:

Having produced now a total of three individual Rapture-hastening blobs from her fertile loins, Us Weekly—in an Angelina Jolie Junk Food-Gobbling Exclusive!— reports that the actress has managed to lose the Chosen Twins weight. We can hear you now: Angelina Jolie is capable of accumulating unwanted weight? But that's the kind of thing that happens to genetically imperfect mortals who have yet to rescue even a single motherless child from a developing nation! Well, hold on to your hats, as Jolie also reportedly developed an ugly addiction to that mass-market Calzone of Doom, the Hot Pocket:

♦ Michael Phelps is telling people he's single even though he's actually dating Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson. [R&M]
♦ Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters airs on Friday, but Christie Brinkley's lawyers now say he violated a confidentiality agreement by speaking with the network. [OK!, ABC News]
♦ Hugh Hefner says his relationship with Holly Madison began to crumble six months ago when they found out his sperm count was too low to father any kids. Also, he's already auditioning new girlfriends. [E!]
♦ Anna Wintour's latest celebrity obsession? Gerard Butler. [P6]

♦ David Duchovny has left the rehab facility where he's spent the last few weeks receiving treatment for sex addiction. He's now in NYC with wife Tea Leoni. [Us]
♦ Brangelina has left town. The family was spotted walking around New Orleans yesterday. [E!]
♦ Madonna made fun of Sarah Palin at her concert at the Meadowlands on Saturday night. [P6]
♦ Clint Eastwood might think Sarah Palin would make a good VP, although he didn't actually say it in so many words. [P6]
♦ Break out the tissues: Holly Madison says she and Hugh Hefner are no longer together. [TMZ]

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the New York Film Festival, a group of scientists seized upon the opportunity to finally ask the question: Is Angelina Jolie the sexiest woman on the planet? The collective closely examined the speciman in her natural environment, the Gotham premiere of her latest film, Changeling. After much deliberation, the scientists concluded that she is in fact, the sexiest woman alive. Dr. Myers, the lead scientist for the study said, “I mean, it’s all there. The eyes, the lips, etc. All arguments and bets can be settled, science has officially declared Angelina Jolie to be super bangin’.” [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Chelsea Clinton walking in flip-flops with a cup of espresso in hand ... Penn Badgley and Ed Westwick filming scenes for Gossip Girl outside the Palace Hotel ... Kate Winslet and Sam Mendes laughing with friends in Times Square ... Tom Cruise and daughter Suri leaving their apartment ... Rachel Bilson making an in-store appearance at Macy's in Herald Square ... John Mayer leaving his apartment with a big bag ... Madonna's kids Lourdes and Rocco arriving at the Kabbalah Center ... Tim Robbins and Brian Williams outside the Letterman show ... Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel getting in an SUV after Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky's wedding at Le Cirque ... Angelina Jolie outside Lee's Art Shop on West 57th Street with her kids, and later leaving Nobu with Brad Pitt.

♦ Rachael Ray's reps are denying reports that Ray has throat cancer, although they do admit she's having surgery for a cyst on her vocal cord in December. [People]
♦ It was a busy weekend for Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. With hoards of paparazzi in tow, the couple made an appearance at the premiere of Changeling, where Angelina showed off her newest tattoos (the coordinates of the places where each of her kids was born) and told reporters that she and Brad are planning to have even more kids. [NYDN, OK!, previously]
♦ Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky tied the knot on Friday night at Le Cirque with Billy Joel performing in front of guests like Denise Rich, Joan Rivers, Barbara Walters, and Donald Trump. [NYP, Us]
♦ A fire at Geraldo Rivera's home on Friday didn't singe his mustache, but it did damage the two 1954 Jaguars in his garage. [P6]

Sure, presidential elections are right around the corner, the economy is crumbling, the bailout bill is still up in the air, and the local media is obsessively focused on Mike Bloomberg's plans to run for a third term. But nevermind all that: Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have arrived in New York! They touched down with their brood early this morning; apparently Angelina is walking the red carpet at the New York Film Festival on Saturday. Thus far the only photos are pretty grainy (as is this video), but you can prepare youself for breathless updates on their whereabouts as soon as they wake up from their nap and step outside. [Access Hollywood]

♦ Harvey Weinstein may be a million bucks poorer today. Or maybe not! After yesterday's email debacle, Harvey says he'll donate $1 million to the Robin Hood Foundation once he can verify that Scott Rudin's email is "authentic," which means he'll probably conduct an "investigation" into the matter until it blows over. [P6]
♦ Janet Jackson has been released from the hospital. But fiancé Jermaine Dupri doesn't seem too concerned. He hasn't missed any of his scheduled party appearances the past few days. [People, R&M]
♦ Britney Spears' lawyers have been working overtime to quash the sex tape she made with Adnan Ghalib. [The Sun]
♦ Salma Hayek was spotted in Paris with her ex Francois-Henri Pinault, which means it's time to start speculating about whether they're getting back together. [Daily Star]

Boomp3.com Life must be a permanent vacation for Smart Water spokesperson Jennifer Aniston. Aniston felt that another vacation as on the white sand beaches of Mexico was in order to fully get over the recent split from dorm rock crooner John Mayer, but Aniston still hasn't been able to shake his memory. Aniston said, "I walk into the resort and somebody at the bar is doing that karaoke thing and they're doing one of the songs by that joker. Then at dinner, a mariachi band plays another one of his songs. I may have to go to the South Pole if I want to get away from all of my exes." Then Aniston remembered that it's cold down at the South Pole and she's not a fan of snow pants. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• People snagged those Clay Aiken baby pictures for $500,000 after newly-frugal OK! dropped out of the bidding. [P6]

♦ Britney Spears' former boyfriend, paparazzo Adnan Ghalib, says he has a sex video featuring him and Britney which he's willing to part with for the right price. And you thought you were done buying sex tapes after the Verne Troyer masterpiece this summer. [NYDN, E!]
♦ Heath Ledger's life insurance company is calling his death "suspicious" and says it won't pay out his $10 mil. policy until it interviews everyone involved, including Mary-Kate Olsen. [NYP]
♦ Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie just had twins. But it's Tuesday, which means they're already thinking of adopting another kid. [Daily Mail]
♦ DJ AM and Travis Barker are both out of the hospital. [NYDN, People, P6]
♦ Janet Jackson checked into the hospital in Canada yesterday. [People]

Oscar-chasing Scott Rudin and Harvey Weinstein's convalescence from their bruising steel-cage Reader release-date squabble has left a tiny window open today for other awards hopefuls, a selection of which are scrambling through with varying degrees of aggression. But while the upstart Frozen River (a Defamer Attractions "Underdog" alum) is reportedly the first film to send out screeners to Academy voters, and while the controversial German pick for Best Foreign-Language Film, The Baader-Meinhof Complex, found mixed reviews upon its LA bow last Friday, the real witchcraft is wafting from a cauldron deep inside the Paramount lot. There, we're told, Brad Grey's ambition to exorcise DreamWorks and conjure awards-season glory for Brad Pitt yielded both the lovely Benjamin Button trailer after the jump and a closer, carefully vetted look at the 'Mount Spell Book.Which ultimately amounts to little more than succeeding without Steven Spielberg or Marvel's creative influence. But it will, as The NY Times reminds us, first depend on whether or not Grey can actually make people forget about Paramount Vantage less than a year after the label co-produced two Best Picture nominees before folding into the mother ship. How else to accomplish that, of course, but by courting both Oscar and audiences on the tenets of early 19th-century philosophy:

♦ Charges will not be filed against Shia LaBeouf in connection with his car accident in LA in July. He may still lose his license, though, for failing to submit to a blood-alcohol test after the crash. [E!]
♦ Lindsay Lohan is so scared of her dad that she may take out an order of protection against him. [P6]
♦ Last week it was rumored Leonardo DiCaprio and Bar Refaeli had split up. Now it's rumored they're back together. [OK!]
♦ Robert De Niro is a giant pain to work with who makes "weird midnight phone calls." Or at least that's what Harvey Weinstein and Quentin Tarantino said in a taped phone conversation from 1997 that's just now been leaked. [P6]
♦ Julia Roberts left the Waverly Inn covered up in a pashmina, which means it's time for a fresh round of rumors that she's secretly pregnant. [The Sun]

♦ Natalie Portman is single. She's split up with boyfriend Devendra Banhart. Best of luck, guys! [People]
♦ The son of famed architect Richard Meier says his dad is gay and he was forced into a mental hospital and disinherited for saying so. Richard's friends, meanwhile, say he's definitely not gay and he's actually quite the ladies' man. [P6]
♦ Clay Aiken pocketed roughly $500,000 for his coming-out cover story deal with People. [MSNBC]
♦ Sarah Palin might make a cameo on Saturday Night Live. Also, Hugh Hefner would love to give her a spread in Playboy. [OK!, Daily Star]

• Angelina Jolie supposedly threatened to leave Brad Pitt because he was never home at their filthy French chateau with the six kids. God knows why. [Sun]

Hot on the heels of a philanthropic Brad Pitt, director Steven Spielberg has become the latest celebrity to make a major donation to the campaign to defeat the anti-gay Proposition 8. Spielberg matched Pitt's donation of $100,000 to fight the proposition, which would take away the same-sex marriage rights awarded to Californians this year. As terrific as it is for the industry's straight allies to open up their pocketbooks, we can't help but take a page from homo icon Kathy Griffin and wonder: "Where my gays at?" Specifically, why haven't gay stars like the recently married Ellen DeGeneres contributed to a movement that still lags millions of dollars behind its well-funded, religious opposition? IN magazine broke down some of the other queer power players who are too busy watching Work Out reruns to contribute:

• Jennifer Aniston was photographed holding hands on a Mexican beach with a MYSTERY MAN. He's OLDER. Also, she's just friends (third item) with actor Gerard Butler even though he was totally TOUCHING HER THIGH.

♦ You'd think that for $85,000-a-month, you might shell out a few extra few bucks on a maid. Apparently not. According to the Star, there's no one cleaning up after Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's kids, and their French chateau is a complete pigsty that "looks like a war zone." [Star]
♦ Jennifer Lopez raised $127,000 for charity by competing in the Malibu triathalon. She then flew directly to New York and spent $800,000 on Marc Anthony's birthday party. [MSNBC]
♦ According to the always reliable Joe Francis, Lindsay Lohan is straight. [E!]
♦ Lindsay: Please don't discuss how you're supporting Barack in November. You're embarrassing him. [NYDN]

Donate After Reading: Brad Pitt has famously said he won't marry Angelina Jolie until gay marriage is legalized all over the country, and now, he's putting his money where his mouth is. According to the LAT, Pitt has become the first A-list celebrity to make a major donation ($100,000) to the campaign to fight Proposition 8, which is designed to take away the same-sex marriage rights awarded to Californians this summer. In a statement, he said, "Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8." Your move, Babs! [LAT]