As we teased Friday, courtesy of the deep, deep pockets of the celebrity-baby-photo-crazy people at People, we bring you the first electronically captured and distributed images of The Chosen Blobs, the second and third genetically flawless products of Angelina Jolie's overtaxed loins. Similar in golden hue to their older sister—but providing twice the miraculous healing and war-ending properties—little Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline are pictured napping peacefully beneath their enraptured parents, cute enough to be devoured like two tiny, butter-poached escargots.

Here it is: the cover of this week's People magazine, the iconic shot of Hollywood's alpha couple with their newborn twins. Rights to the photos-which show a Madonna-like Angelina Jolie with Brad Pitt as middle-aged and goateed architect and two blob-like infants-were sold for more than $14m, more than double the price paid for any other set of celebrity baby photos. If anyone ever doubted that human beings were descended from monkeys, obsessed by social hierarchy, then the extraordinary public and media interest in these very ordinary images ought to resolve the question once and for all.

Go ahead and cancel whatever plans you have Sunday afternoon: People Magazine announced today that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's most recent celebrated offspring will make their photographic debut on the rag's Web site Aug. 3 at 4 p.m. PDT. "We're thrilled to be able to feature these pictures in People," the magazine's managing editor Larry Hackett said in a statement to the AP. "They will delight our readers who have followed the growth of the Jolie-Pitt family."The cost of the photos has yet to be officially disclosed, with most estimates ranging between $10 million and $15 million and any proceeds going straight to charity. Really, though, no charity is greater than the soft, pulsating glow sure to radiate forth from little Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, their infant peace held over from an extended, restful sojourn in the Presidential Suite of celebrity uteri. People got a bargain.

• NBC has greenlit Dick Wolf and Chris Levinson's Lost and Found, a drama about—what else?—a female detective. [Variety]

• People may have won the bidding war for the first photos of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins. Total cost: $10 to $15 million. Reportedly. [JustJared]

Ah, the buzz cut: that sometimes-risky, sometimes-successful ‘do usually sported by male celebrities when it's required for a role in a military/secret agent/futuristic film or because they need a quick way to change their public image. But no matter what their reasons are for taking the razor to the scalp, the look has roughly a 50/50 chance of working. Two of the most recent stars to shave it all off are Jennifer Aniston arm candy John Mayer and new member of the Movie Press-Generating Lawbreakers’ Club Josh Brolin, and while Mayer irritatingly manages to pull the look off despite his big head ego, Brolin’s close cut reveals a bit too much skin. Which immediately made us reminisce on buzz cuts of the past, both the bad (Hey, Jude), the good (pre-Scientology Tommy C.), and the very ugly (Attack Of The Killer Umbrella-Bearers):

· If it weren't for Dark Knight news, there wouldn't have been much news at all. After dispatching the Joker, Batman took on his toughest foe to date, the deranged Momzo The Clown (specialty: extortion). Batman denies all of the charges, which is just fine with new Oscar frontrunner Aaron Eckhart. · NBC announced that Jay Leno will be abdicating his Tonight Show throne on May 29, 2009 while a disguised Jay Leno sat in the audience cracking wise. Meanwhile, Jimmy Fallon will be spinning his wheels online for a few months before they let him loose on air. · Miley "Slut!" Cyrus took to the YouTubes to wage war on her new rival, Selena Gomez. · If you come within 1,000 yards of Brangelina's test tube babies, Brad Pitt will beat you to a pulp. · We finally learned what Judd Apatow's favorite season of The Wire was. · Surfer dude Matthew McConaughey cashed a $3 million check from OK! for baby pictures of young prince Levi. · Maybe it's just us, but Lyons & Mankiewicz doesn't quite have the same ring as Ebert & Roeper (let alone Siskel & Ebert). · Cuts at Vantage and Netflix made it another tough week for indie film. · Fer sure, fer sure, we counted down our favorite Valley Girls. · Don't bother with MapQuest, NPH can tell you how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. · And finally, the passing of Estelle Getty affected everyone, from teary YouTube eulogists to our own Molly McAleer. The saddest part? None of the Golden Girls made it to the funeral. Nevertheless, the memory of Sophia Petrillo will always live on.

In the latest Pap Said / Celeb Said scandal, the mystical forests of Brangelina's French estate turned into a bloody battleground where one ruthless pap and the Jolie-Pitts’ head of security attacked each other with walkie-talkies and teeth. As the NY Daily News reports, freelance photographer Luc Goursolas was so determined to slip into the compound unnoticed that he spent five hours on foot, decked himself out in camouflaged clothing, only to come face-to-unhappy-face with the soccer team’s unamused top guard. As Goursolas claims:

Excellent news to report for anyone who still thinks Angelina Jolie is perfection incarnate, in spite of that silly husband-stealing fiasco, heroin tape, Billy Bob phase, Life Or Something Like It and...well, there are probably a few of you left! According to Us, the conception of the Chosen Two was quite literally chosen to arrive at a specific point in Brangelina’s magical life. A source tells the weekly that the “impatient” soccer team managers didn’t rely on Brad’s super-sperm or Jolie’s scream-filled bedroom style to spontaneously produce Knox and Viv. Rather, the no-longer-immortal duo paid a hefty sum for in vitro treatments to speed up their plan to “have 10 kids...while [they’re] young." But their goal may not work out quite as planned. Reports that Angelina is being forced into joining the trendy rapid weight loss/gain club for her next role may cause a serious delay in recruiting new Jolie-Pitts for quite some time.Even though its B.O. numbers didn't exactly scream "Sequel!", the folks behind 1999's The Thomas Crown Affair, also known as Yet Another Chance For Pierce Brosnan To Convince Us He's Charming, are in pre-production mode for the second installment, slated for a 2009 release. The film's original female lead, Rene Russo, intelligently declined to participate in the inevitable disaster, leading producers to seek out Jolie as her replacement. The only glitch? Said folks have worked with Jolie before on Wanted, and reportedly fear another round of Lohan-esque fainting spells the then-skinny-as-a-rail Jolie kept experiencing while on set. As a result, they're said to be requiring their leading lady to pack on 30 pounds. As in, now. One week after giving birth to twins. Which begs the question: is it possible that Jolie has sped far ahead of post-pregnancy slim fast stars Jessica Alba and J. Lo in shedding her tent-dress-requiring baby weight already? And if not, why the need for this unnecessary sequel to star such a "weighty" co-star? Ah, yes. The role is that of an "action woman." Because Jolie hasn't ever portrayed a gunfire-equipped, stunt scene-ready, action hero before or anything. [Photo credits: X17, Wireimage]

• Heath Ledger's father proceeded with funding a nautically-themed bar in Greenpoint, in which Ledger had been a silent partner. The guy who designed Beatrice is involved. [Down By The Hipster, P6]

• Ashley Dupre seems to have found a new married man to take her to expensive hotels and treat her to drinks from the minibar. After spending the day shopping in Midtown (left), she checked into the Gramercy Park Hotel with Thomas "TJ" Earle, who owns a New Jersey asphalt company and lives in a "McMansion" with his wife and two kids. [NYP]

In light of some breaking hair-related news involving future fugitive Katie Holmes, we must admit that we’ve underestimated the Scientology prisoner. As the Daily Mail reported over the weekend, Broadway’s least-alluring celebrity rookie recently chopped off even more of her already chin-grazing bob, and even dared to pull out those hair curlers in what could be the beginning move in a new strategy to finally flee the Knights of Hubbard. Though Kate’s "boyish" cut may backfire, it’s a clever plan nonetheless. Below, we provide five of the best examples of drastic 'do-caused catastrophes directly linked to highly publicized breakups, from Jennifer Aniston’s self-conscious bob that led to Brangelina, to Cameron Diaz’s unfortunate goth dye job that failed to inspire any future sex or love sounds from Justin Timberlake:

• The biggest loser in the Jimmy Kimmel-Sarah Silverman breakup? Howard Stern, who sounds despondent about the split. He was supposed to hang out with the couple on vacation last week, but they never showed, and when Howard later heard the news, he was so upset he had to take a walk to calm down. [Page Six]

• Madonna did not show up to her alleged lover/disciple Alex Rodriguez's All-Star party, nor did his bitter teammates, so he hung out alone in the club with his mom and two "kabbalah buddies," including a woman spotted leaving his house the next day.

• Jay Leno, on an erroneous magazine cutline reading "Host of The Tonight Show on ABC:" "It's like a headline from the future." [Deadline Hollywood]

Savvy media watchers are beginning to note that the birth of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's twins July 12 indicates they probably were not born in May, as Entertainment Tonight reported at the time. Amid intense scrutiny, the showbiz show in June yanked the story from its website, but its executive producer insisted "we are waiting to see how this plays out" before issuing a retraction. And now that everything has played out as expected, with ET looking stupid, the show has buried its admission of error on some blog, and will not issue a retraction or say anything on broadcast TV. “We have moved on and so have our viewers,” a show spokesman told the Times. Well, sure, but will any of us really trust ET for crucial celebrity baby news again? Not celebrity blogger (and Daily Show host) Jon Stewart, whose June 5 wrapup of the whole scandal is after the jump.

Poor little Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt. Not only does she face a future of scratch marks on her chubby cheeks wielded by notoriously jealous Zahara, but the female half of the Chosen Twins has to compete with older sister Shiloh for a spot on Hollywood’s Best Dressed Little Girls list. OK! has released their juvenile version of Mr. Blackwell’s annual rundown, awarding gold stars to everyone from newborn Harlow Madden, with her “mix between chic and rock,” to 2-year old Shiloh’s ability to “navigate the line between girly glam and tomboy cutting edge.” Yes, well done, Chosen One. What skill and grace it must take to lie back, spit up a few gaga goos, and wait for personal dresser Brad Pitt to equip you with a pricey new cashmere-and-diamond onesie. The rest of the list, including the mag’s pick for #1 most fashionable little doomed diva, after the jump.

Congratulations this morning to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, the latter of whose womb has reportedly yielded its blobby, twinsy bounty at last. We think. It's official, isn't it? The Chosen Two are here? After InTouch called it Saturday afternoon, Extra overrode it an hour later and the rest of the world simply hedged somewhere in between until Jolie's exhausted doctor fled the delivery room craving a stiff drink, we can finally, confidently move on to the postgame show. Select reactions, including an overjoyed grandfather, and a French bureaucrat with paperwork, after the jump:

Hey, did you know that actors Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt welcomed two more strangely named children into the world over the weekend? Of course you did. It's been reported so many times, by so many news agencies and television programs that its signal has actually shot out into space to wrestle with the broadcast of the 1936 Berlin Olympics to instantly become outer space's most lingering evidence of humanity. But the important thing about the story (if there is an "important thing") is how desperately the tabloids scrambled for details and scoops and how epically, for the most part, they failed.

• It's two days since Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline Jolie-Pitt were welcomed into the world by Brad and Angelina and it's been just as low-key as everyone expected. The mayor of Nice, Christian Estrosi, signed the birth certificate at a press conference; now the discussion has turned to pics of the babies, which are expected to fetch $15 to $20 million. [People, NYDN]