Sometimes, the pressures of working on a Big Important Picture get to be just a little too much; it then falls to the star to help loosen the mood of a challenging production, using anything and everything at their disposal to raise the spirits of cast and crew. And while George Clooney is considered a master of the genre, concocting elaborate ruses that can take months to unfold, his frequent Oceans co-star Brad Pitt tends to go for the easier laugh:

With roughly five-hundred celebrity-programming-focused basic cable networks vying for coverage of the same dozen or so people on a daily basis, it's to be expected that the crushing pressure to land exclusive video footage of a famous person's house in the salacious act of resting on its foundation might occasionally drive an overzealous camera crew to flirt with illegality. Entertainment journalism watchdog TMZ.com, whose clean, groundbreaking "fart in a mitten" confrontation of Paris Hilton is still the standard by which all celebrity ambushes are judged, reports that an E! crew was caught in the act of trespassing on Brad Pitt's property last Thursday:

Record companies, TV networks and studios still can't decide if they should view YouTube as a copyright-infringing agent of evil or as an ally that could potentially make them boatloads of money. In the meantime, Google has its army of lawyers ready to fight claims against its shiniest new toy. [Variety]
Roger Daltrey will guest star on an episode of CSI, hoping to live up to the proud stunt-casting tradition of the series established by Kevin Federline's bravura, largely improvised performance. [THR]
Nip/Tuck's Ryan Murphy will adapt and direct the memoir Eat, Pray, Love, about a dissatisfied woman who chucked away her comfortable life to "set off on a journey of self-discovery around the world," as a vehicle for Julia Roberts. Later today, Brad Pitt will read this news, remark, "I'd love for us to do something with Julia one day. Can we make that happen?" then be gently reminded by a Plan B staffer that he's producing the film. [Variety]
The public once again proves that its appetite for watching washed-up celebrities get yanked around by professional dancers is still voracious, as Dancing With the Stars pulls in about 22 million viewers at its Tuesday night peak. [THR]
Leslee Dart's PR firm passes up a second chance to take our helpful suggestion to call their flack collective The Fuck Pat Kingsley Group, instead opting to rename itself 42West, a blander, tragically diplomatic choice. We don't know how many more opportunities Dart can squander before another disgruntled Kingsley staffer comes along and snaps up the name for her own venture. [Variety]

Let it never be said that partially mummified, softball-tossing talk show host Larry King does not have sneakily impressive interviewing skills. King long ago realized that the majority of his guests would probably be inclined to share more of themselves by pampering their hindparts with his desiccated lips (it should go without saying that some kind of balm is applied prior to contact to prevent an unpleasant chafing), rather than by feebly trying to press an orthopedic shoe into their throats. On last night's show, King's ability to put his interrogee at ease was on full display, as the host somehow managed to coax notoriously media-shy real estate developer Donald Trump into sharing his opinions on a variety of
current figures of pop culture interest, first following up on his thoughts about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. On Brad: Smart guy for narrowly dodging the marriage issue! Angelina: Eh, not even that attractive:

What a sweaty, trailer-swaying act of infidelity on the set of Mr. and Mrs. Smith has joined together, a tabloid tries to tear asunder: Today's Page Six, citing a source with intimate knowledge of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's conflicting, brood-expanding plans, insists that Pitt favors the quaintly outdated penis-in-vagina celebrity reproduction method, while Jolie finds herself nostalgic for her lazy days of infant-shopping on the black markets of the Third World:

Of course, there really was no talk of George Clooney running for office, except for some overly enthusiastic fans wearing "Clooney in '08" t-shirts (campaign slogan on back of shirt: "OMG he is SOOOO HOTT!"), but since he lives in a state where a far less handsome actor was elected governor on a goof, someone just had to make sure he didn't want to run. With Clooney at least temporarily out of the way, the media will now move down its list of good-looking, socially aware actors, and we can soon expect video of Brad Pitt pursing his lips, scratching his chin in a pantomime of deep thought, and finally looking over to Angelina Jolie to ask, "Are we running this year, honey?" before finally declaring he has no intention of becoming King of America.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are now posted several times a week—so start sending them in more often. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world hear all about your spotting of a rare and elusive yellow-headed Van Der Beek.

Genetically flawless area do-gooders Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, perhaps swept up in the excitement of one of Jolie's euphoric bipolar upswings that not even a marathon copulation session managed to quell, have been on something of a spending spree lately. But unlike the time Jolie pulled out an AmEx Black card at a shoddily managed African game preserve and insisted on purchasing an entire herd of elephants no matter the cost, we doubt next month's credit card statement will elicit another paralyzing wave of buyer's remorse:

In one of those British tabloid stories that we're not necessarily inclined to believe but are still contractually bound to repeat regardless of their dubious veracity, it's been reported that now that Paramount has pushed longtime partner Tom Cruise into a new career as a high-priced amusement park greeter and football mascot, they're trying to get current favorite son Brad Pitt (who, not so coincidentally, has a development deal at the studio) to take over Cruise's once-signature franchise. According to an appropriately shadowy source, speaking on the condition that her identity as Pitt's publicist wouldn't be revealed:

It's no secret that Brad Pitt and Angelina's security detail is among the most lethal and effective fighting forces on the planet. It's the kind of prestige unit Navy SEALs dream of graduating to, that they might one day join the best of the best in the stealthy stalking and neck-snapping of lurking paparazzi at Maddox's little league games. Nelson Mercado, 46, had his heart set on scoring the prestigious gig—so much so that he went so far as to masquerade as a DHS agent. He was arrested yesterday, and The Smoking Gun has the indictment:

There is no shortage of Big Hollywood Stars roaming around Toronto's streets for the International Film Festival this week, taking in the tidy sights and throwing around local, toboggan-adorned currency like it's going out of style. But no single celebrity has made a bigger fuss up yonder than Brad Pitt, for whom the entire country has put its contempt of all things American on hold just long enough to grovel at his architecture-loving, poverty-hating altar. A Brad Pitt at TIFF round-up:

• Is it possible to feel pity for Anna Nicole Smith? Maybe, considering her 20-year-old son mysteriously died in the Bahamas on Sunday, just three days after the birth of Anna Nicole's baby girl. Now the poor woman is grieving, locked in a dark room and listening to Lightning Crashes on repeat. [CNN]
• If you hire Paris Hilton for a movie, you should probably be prepared to deal with unprofessional behavior, considering the bitch doesn't have a freaking profession to begin with. [Page Six]
• Keisha Knight Pulliam — aka Rudy from The Cosby Show — has a totally unconfirmed cocaine habit. Whatever keeps the weight off, girlfriend! [Bossip]
• Martha Stewart predicts that Trump will fire everyone until he's left cold and alone. [M&C]
• For what it's worth, Calvin Klein designer Francisco Costa was in Milan on 9/11, and feels that a lot has happened in five years, particularly his departure from Gucci. [R&M (2nd item)]
• Clothes-whoring socialite Tory Burch will survive as well. Good to know. [Lowdown]
• Brad Pitt loves Daniel Libeskind. Happy 9/11! [National Post]

A reader just sent us this cameraphone photo of the war of ideas currently being waged on the supermarket checkout racks, which immediately made us flash back to another high-minded debate that played out in the same venue last May. The truth, of course, lies somewhere in the middle, as Pitt reveals in this month's Esquire that the couple's indefinite engagement will end in a wedding ceremony only when "everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able." But that more complex sentiment isn't as easily translatable to a huge, attention-grabbing font, especially since a magazine like Esquire probably considers itself too classy to run with BRAD SAYS HE'LL MARRY WHEN GAYS CAN! cover copy.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie managed to leave the Compound That Love Built™ last night, secure that Maddox, Zahara and the Chosen One were being well supervised in their nursery, amusing themselves to no end with the various hand-carved, African farming implements they've been provided with in place of more traditional, "Western" toys. The occasion was Scott Caan's 30th birthday at a Hollywood art gallery, a star-studded event also attended by his Oceans 13 co-star Matt Damon, with nuclear-family-elements in tow. But things quickly grew awkward when, upon Jolie's arrival, she was informed that Jon Voight, the father to whom she hasn't spoken in years, was inside:

• Continuing in our Katie Couric Is the Center of Attention day, it seems that CBS will be offering Couric fewer perks than she received at the Today show. That is, assuming one considered expensing Ann Taylor knits a "perk" in the first place. [Page Six]

• K-Fed penetrates Britney for the money. As if there would be any other reason? [Scoop]

• After five straight nights of intense partying, Jennifer Garner collapses from "heat exhaustion" on the set of her new movie. [Gatecrasher]

• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have agreed to terminate a restraining order that prevents Sheen from coming within 300 feet of his children. Now Richards will allow him to admire his babies at the intimate distance of 295 feet. [TMZ]

• James Woods realizes his 20-year-old whore is a 20-year-old whore. [Gatecrasher]

• Brad Pitt drops off his adopted children, Maddox and Zahara, at the Warner Bros. lot daycare, where they play with the dirty children of common studio secretaries. [Page Six]

• Today in Rush & Molloy: Celebrities looove ping-pong! OMFG! Seriously though. McFly? August blows, yes, but isn't somebody out there fucking someone else? They don't even need to be that famous, really. Just spare us the ping-pong. [R&M]

There's something inspiring about looking at pictures of celebrities in the time before they made their rare evolutionary leap into the incredibly famous, physically flawless superbeings smiling back at us from the dozens of glossy magazines clogging the supermarket checkout racks. Back then, they were more or less human, not the demigods to whom we gladly sacrifice the family pet upon receiving an encoded message contained within an InTouch caption about Mariska Hargitay's shopping habits. Take, for example, these images of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt from this standard People "Before They Were Stars" feature; can even the most average among us not be heartened to discover that Jolie supported herself for years playing in a Don Dokken cover band while saving for a series of expensive and painful surgeries to make her massive bear paws more cosmetically acceptable, a noble perseverance that eventually was paid off by becoming one of the most beautiful and admired women in the world? Is there any way not to be overwhelmed by hope after looking at this photograph of Pitt's early catalogue work for Modern Fashions for Mildly Autistic Children from Beach Communities, then think about how the handsome actor has managed to overcome his own developmental problems and find incredible success? If these pictures are too much for you to handle, we urge you not to gaze upon this George Clooney yearbook photo, which will so fill you with the joy of the possible that you'll feel immediately compelled to knit his awkward, teenage likeness onto a blanket for your most cherished love one.

• A gentleman caller comes looking for Star Jones' "husband" Al Reynolds at 4 AM and rings the wrong buzzer (thus the whole world knows). Also not helping Al's case: running around in Spandex. [Page Six]
• Mel Gibson doesn't hate Jews who are female, 23-years-old, and "fetching." [R&M]
• Penelope Cruz, always willing to lend her name and questionable credibility to Tom Cruise, claims to have seen "beautiful" baby Suri. [AP]
• Maria Menounos: the next Cindy Adams? [Page Six]
• Brad Pitt sings about how he wishes he worked in Midtown. The man's intelligence is just stunning. [Us Weekly]

Now that Angelina Jolie's getting back in the acting game, Brad Pitt knows he better fill up his calendar so that he's not left home watching the kids. Pitt will star in David Fincher's The Curious Case of Benjamin Button after he wraps up his time pallin' around with the Cloonster on Ocean's Thirteen, then may move on to Universal's State of Play. [Variety]
Imagine's Brian Grazer will produce the family comedy Mr. Machine with Napoleon Dynamite and his brothers for Universal, a project described as "a throwback to the family comedies of the 1980s," and which "revolves around three brainy slackers who build a robot that wants to take over the world." [THR]
Hilary Swank Out Of Ideas: Oscar double-fister Swank will star in a remake of the French thriller Labyrinth, playing yet another cinematic crazy person who might know something about a serial killer. [Variety]
· Fox simultaneously licenses every episode of Arrested Development to MSN, HDNet, and G4, proving they are willing to embrace every AD-related opportunity short of actually producing new episodes. [THR]
· A big high-five to our friends at TVGasm, whose Chenbot mugs are a big hit with automaton Big Brother host Julie Chen and sugar daddy/boss Les Moonves. Another fun fact: Chen calls him "Leslie." [Variety]

Either the people at Madame Tussauds in New York have an incredibly sick sense of humor or they truly believe in the divinity of messianic celebrity offspring Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, as they've placed their just-unveiled, graven-in-wax* idol of the Chosen One in a reinterpretation of the nativity scene, complete with stuffed stand-ins of the native African wildlife mysteriously drawn to the birth of Jolie's Word Made Flesh. Thankfully, we are spared the spectacle of Namibian wise men bearing gifts of frankincense, myrrh, and the decapitated heads of overly aggressive freelance photographers, but the tableaux was realistic enough to draw a small crowd of worshipers to the museum, all of whom soon retreated, still palsied and cancer-riddled, after learning firsthand that the startlingly lifelike wax Shiloh posses no miraculous powers of its own.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the (most recent) time you saw Paula Abdul sobbing into a cellphone.