Russell Brand is in trouble! Marc Anthony is in debt! Brad Pitt is in the hospital! (Not for anything serious... unless you consider charity serious, which I do.) Friday's gossip is ringing in the new year!

Kelly Osbourne tweets—then deletes—an epic rant about her gold digging ex-fiance. Rihanna breaks up with her boyfriend. Charlie Sheen skipped Christmas to party. Taylor Momsen calls herself "a product." Wednesday gossip is a painful realization.

Miley and Noah do a Christmas karaoke duet. Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig hold hands. Where did Selena Gomez's promise ring go? Prince sees The Nutcracker. Monday gossip is full of Christmas leftovers.

Here, finally, is a trailer for Terrence Malick's fifth film, The Tree of Life, a generations-spanning look at being alive and thinking about being alive. It looks predictably gorgeous, grandiose, and maybe slightly overbearing, just like all of Malick's movies.

[Mythical acting beings Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie attended the premiere of Jolie's new movie, The Tourist, which is about a tourist. Photo via AP.]

Miley Cyrus may get salvia banned. Michael Jackson's autopsy is not something we'd want to see. Michael Lohan gets botox but forgets child payments. Nicole Richie's getting married. Saturday gossip roundup can't move its face.

Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe pull the plug on their predatory credit card. Lindsay Lohan wants a restraining order against paparazzi. Tom Brady battles male pattern baldness. Brad Pitt's plague of poor fashion choices returns. Tuesday gossip is a lost cause.

[Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, and the kids on the Parisian boat where Pax celebrated his seventh birthday. Updated caption by mrswillclark. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

They'll protect her popular TV show at all costs! Also today: the Chilean miners might get their story told in the movies, some new TV scheduling revolutionizes and evening, and young couples are in love.

Kanye West confirms that a picture of his giant penis is real. Courtney Love is obsessed with her Wikipedia page. Lil' Wayne gets out of prison. Thursday gossip proudly lets it all hang out.

Jared Leto handpicks a gyrating babe for his next music video. Brangelina spend the day at a bath house. Chelsea Handler and 50 Cent: Back on? Monday gossip could use a good steam bath.

Angelina Jolie is currently filming her directorial debut in Budapest. Her partner, Brad Pitt, stopped by the set yesterday. They ate a sandwich together. We're not sure exactly what they said, but we think it went something like this.

The "coke" was coca-cola, the goal was a vending machine, and she failed. Christina Aguilera confirms splitting with her husband. Rachel Zoe is pregnant. Joan Collins ridicules ugly starlets. Wednesday gossip would sell its first child for a soda.

The Jolie-Pitt brood begins school in a fortress of solitude in Budapest. Jennifer Aniston is the world's most eligible single lady. Chelsea Handler goes on a date with 50 Cent. Tuesday gossip is ready to mingle.

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Paris Hilton settles a lawsuit and makes history. Lindsay Lohan volunteers at a homeless shelter. Mariah Carey falls onstage at a concert. Lady Gaga dons a black leotard of mourning. Monday gossip is ready for its close-up.

Katy Perry has a date with an alcoholic cartoon character. Octomom held a yard sale. Michael Lohan said something about God. And will someone please get old man Kelsey Grammer some underwear? Sunday Gossip Roundup is going commando.

[You didn't think I meant his brain, did you? I meant his face. Brad Pitt rides his motorcycle into the sunset after filming Money Ball. See him driving away (thereby displaying the other moneymaker) below. Images via INF.]

Today at Gawker.TV, Chelsea Handler tells Eli Roth she thought Peaches Geldolf was a stripper, NBC turns a game show into soft-core porn, and Brad Pitt is the unlikely hero of Spike Lee's documentary about a post-Katrina New Orleans.

Welcome to Monday's gossip roundup, in which we gather every horrifying new detail about Speidi's sex tape (blackmail! ultimatums!) and how it inspires Snooki's ex. Meanwhile, Brad Pitt wants to murder BP executives and LiLo's lawyer heads back to court.