While Happy Meals are getting ever-so-slightly healthier with the token addition of apple slices and milk, over in France, McDonald's restaurants are operating on another culinary plane entirely.

Now before you get too upset, the 64-year-old grandmother in question used the garden hose to spray her 9-year-old grandson in the face, and not, well, wherever your mind just went with that headline. But she did it at full blast! And also beat his legs. And all he did was eat a generous portion of delicious, crispy bacon.

Have you ever gone into a Starbucks and cursed their fake "Venti, Grande" size names? Sure. Gimme a "Large," amirite? And have you ever had police remove you from Starbucks for arguing about bagel-related grammar? Anyone? One lady has!

Jimmy Dean, the musician and founder of the Jimmy Dean line of breakfast products, died on Sunday at age 81. To commemorate the entrepreneur's passing, let's look back on his company's wondrous inventions. Like "Pancakes & Sausage on a Stick."

The new owner of the New Jersey Nets, Mikhail Prokhorov, having breakfast at Gracie Mansion with Mayor-for-Life Michael Bloomberg and Shawn Carter of the Bed-Stuy Carters. Image via AP

If you're an American, Burger King offers you The Subservient Chicken: Some dude in a chicken outfit who does what you say. If you're British, BK offers you The Subservient Shower Girl. Her turn-ons: Voyeurs, and guys with Whopper bellies.

"Fat Jesus" was a guest on The Tonight Show with Conan last night where he discussed his mother's reaction to seeing The Hangover, and his penis' reaction to him being naked in the same room as a live Bengal tiger.

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] March 5 @ 9 a.m. Kevin Bacon having breakfast at Good Enough to Eat. Does that mean I'm 1 degree away now?

Just when you thought Pancake-themed political artist Dan Lacey couldn't top his Obama bear wrestling piece, witness this: Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton, with pancakes on his head. This is for sale to the public.

This week's New York Magazine explores "breakfast," that meal little kids eat before school and adults drink before work. They have many informative and thinky pieces about eggs and coffee and such. (Also there is of course a list of places to eat expensive breakfasts in many different fancy-pants categories.) Here are the two things we learned:

Next Monday's New York Magazine apparently features, according to Choire Sicha, "a thorough examination of breakfast." Plus probably something about rich people and maybe autism. [Choire Sicha]

The only adults we know who actually eat breakfast eat sensible things like bagels or bloody marys. But according to this annoying Times story on "microtrends" in political polling (one in a series of ten million identical pieces every paper in the country prints every election season), the electorate defines itself by its choice in shitty cereal. We have never heard of whatever trail mix garbage the Obama voters supposedly enjoy, while Clinton and McCain supporters' cereals of choice appear to have been devised not by polling but by a lazy observational comedian. Fiber One! Because John McCain is very very old, and old people have difficulty moving their bowels. [NYT]