Sex pervs are clamoring to "get a lick of the most vile substance ever fabricated," ejaculates Andrea Peyser in her sex column today. That substance: breast milk cheese. Andrea Peyser does not dream of suckling its tender surface, okay?

The only thing stopping The Grey Lady from getting totally felt up this weekend must've been a particularly adamant copy editor. This weekend, the Times introduced us to a "lactation consultant." Naturally, a few fourth-grade level "har har" moments followed.

Fat: the silent menace of new moms and just plain fat people alike. Scientists now tell us that you must either have a small human suckle the fat off your body, or cut your own gut open, to slim down.

An outcry from breastfeeding mothers wasn't enough to get Facebook to lift its ban on "exposed breast" earlier this year. But a breast cancer awareness campaign has finally ended the absurdly broad restriction.

Adding one more scandal to Wal-Mart's long list of corporate infractions, a federal criminal investigation is underway after photos of Jamie Lynn Spears breast feeding her daughter, Maddie, have leaked. Jamie Lynn's boyfriend, Casey Aldridge, apparently dropped off his camera card at a Louisiana outpost of the store, where an employee may have made extra copies of an image in which Jamie Lynn's underaged left breast is exposed. The employee is now peddling off that picture, as well as others, including one of her in a negligee. Wasilla Wal-mart workers, take note. In other Spears family body news, Britney's weight fluctuates yet again:We know we're not the only ones who heard the"I'm Mrs. 'She's Too Big, Now She's Too Thin'" lyric in Britney's song Piece of Me and wondered: 'in the age of idealized anorexia, who ever thought Britney was too thin?' Now we have our culprit: the Daily Mail said BritBrit looked "unbelievably svelte" while grabbing her nightly frappucino this weekend before catching My Best Friend's Girl, in which her vagina starred as the left side of Dane Cook's face. [Photo Credits: X17, Getty Images]

• Gwen Stefani is still breastfeeding Kingston, and apparently Page Six finds this shocking. Um? He's only one? Now we know what's wrong with the Page Sixers: weaned too soon! [Page Six]
  

• Katie Couric gets her nun on. [Tabloid Baby]
• Seth Mnookin wants some context from the press. Here's some context for ya: Seth Mnookin rides a scooter. [Seth Mnookin]
• "When we launched For Me a little over a year ago, we thought that there was a market for a young woman's lifestyle magazine which was not focused on gossip." Well, that's your problem right there. [FishbowlNY]
• Jodi Kantor gives you the angle on airports that Greg Lindsay couldn't. Don't try and do everything on your first day back, Jodi. [NYT]
• How much do we love Slate's "investigation" of brunch? Um, a lot, actually? Almost as much as we love their look at Chuck Klosterman? Slate, we're sorry we've been mean lately, full stop. [Slate]

Our commerce-savvy sibling over at Consumerist takes note of the growing furor over Babytalk magazine's decision to run a breastfeeding cover. Consumerist questions the authenticity of the breast itself (suspiciously, there is no areola); we're just happy to see a Time, Inc., publication that doesn't feature Angelina Jolie on the front. Although, in this case...