Lindsay Lohan screams drunkenly into the void. Kristin Cavallari's fiance dumps her. Leighton Meester sues her mother. Chris Evans is "drowning" in "raging insecurity." Ben Affleck has Bieber hair. Monday gossip is a lost cause.

The walking tragedy that is LiLo takes a turn for the cringe-worthy. Charlie Sheen wants to quit his TV show. Michael Douglas laments his wilting libido. Tiger's kindergarten teacher has Gloria Allred on retainer and "feelings" to "express." TGIFriday gossip.