Remember how we paid Lockheed Martin $67.5 million to index Dick Cheney's emails? The guy whose fault it was has been caught: Paul Magliocchetti, the famous lobbyist.

You can thank us later, slackers, felons, children and so forth. [Starbucks]

How do you get those obscenely annoying photographers from TMZ to stop hassling you? If you're a hip-hop mogul worth hundreds of millions, the solution is simple: You slip the offending photographer a twenty dollar bill. Video of Russell Simmons' handout after the jump.

A company called In the Know Experiences promises they can get you into any event during Fashion Week. They buy you in, of course, a process that probably involves shoving wads of cash in the faces of young, underpaid publicists. At least now you'll know what's going on when you find yourself seated next a middle-aged mogul from Kazakhstan! [Radar]

Perhaps seeking a little insurance in case NBC gets cold feet about renewing its vows with The Apprentice, Donald Trump tried to snuggle up to arch-enemy Rosie O'Donnell's ratings-saving bosom. FOXNews.com reports that, as part of a "celeb-driven season," The Donald offered the pigfaced mess a cool $2 million to work for 12 days on the struggling reality show about boardrooms, professional finger-pointing, and unnatural follicular biology:

Valley tech reporters, long mesmerized by bribes of chocolate in the monthly Salesforce.com press kit, become distraught when mints arrive this month. [News.com]