The Sunday Styles section of the New York Times exists to make folks mad, to be sure (and to sell handbag ads), but it is not really worth getting mad about this past weekend's paired section-front irritants—a profile of BuzzFeed editor-in-chief Ben Smith, and a trend piece about people forsaking Brooklyn to hipsterize towns in the Hudson Valley—at least not at face value. Each hits the obvious flabbergasting or infuriating notes as it is designed to: OMG LOL BuzzFeed b/w Aren't Hipsters Awful. As far as the intentional content goes, there's nothing to do but roll one's eyes and move on. Let's go ahead and do that, shall we? First BuzzFeedBen:

Way back a million years ago (2009), MTV filmed a show called Bridge & Tunnel, a reality program about two beautiful belles of Staten Island, New York City's island prison colony. But then, for mystifying reasons, MTV decided to not air the show.

Replicating their "Hipster Trap," artists Jeff Greenspan and Hunter Fine set a "Bridge and Tunnel Trap" with hair gel, bronzer, a gold chain, and PATH train tickets in front of a bar on the Lower East Side. Snooki beware!

With all the reality television in the state, the people that used to be punchlines are now stars! Jersey Shore, Jeserylicious, Jersey Couture, Real Housewives of NJ—we can't even keep track of which we're supposed to hate anymore.

Wherever there be a bridge or tunnel there shall always be B&T's, those declassé faubourgian commuters intent on coolness. It doesn't matter what city or country. In the pantheon of archetypal forces locked in furious battles—the haves and have nots, the insiders and outsiders, the Star and Plain Bellied Sneatches, the war between city dwellers and their provincial cousins shall rage eternally. Thus in New York we have guidos—usually from Long or Staten Islands—and/or B&T's from New Jersey who flood the Meatpacking District reeking of Aqua Di Gio, Drakkar Noir, self-tanner, SUVs, confidence, provincialism, testosterone and hair gel. In London, we have Essex Boys, highly self-tanned commuters to London from the nearby county of Essex. Guest of a Guest, a New York-based blog, recently published the above compilation of tanned, pouty-faced assholes as a collage of "Guidos." Interestingly the same collage is making the rounds in London as examples of Essex Boys.

Today's New York Post Home real estate insert conveniently gathers all the ridiculous slogans that upscale condos are using to lure rubes into laying out $2,000 per square foot. Let's get a gander at what the best advertising minds of our generation have to offer!

The glamorous life of our Team Party Crash reporters takes an occasional toll on their fragile psyches. For an example, look no further than this bonus outtake footage shot at "the busiest, coolest, slammingest bar in downtown Manhattan." Warning: This video is so vivid you will smell the stale beer and bad cologne.

The bit of loveliness you see here comes from the Post's Pulitzer-baiting examination of the bridge and tunnel crowd. (Your takeaway: Clubs like them because they spend a lot of money; being Italian-Americans, they tend to be too stupid to read the bill.) The chart above would seem to be a gratuitous swipe at merely two of the elements that make our city so objectionable, but even so, forcing us too choose between Princess Coldstare and The Crappo del Tutti Crappy is shockingly unfair. Can't we call it a draw?

We head into another weekend with the same mix of anticipation and dread we — and, we're sure, you — face each Friday afternoon. We're excited for 48 work-free hours; we're eager for copious sleep and even more copious alcohol; we're thirsting for all sorts of sensory excitement, whether culinary or theatrical or chemical or sexual. But then we're remember, as we always remember, the inevitable downside: The bridge-and-tunnellers are coming, too.