Famous uterus Bristol Palin spent some time at Hell's nail salon, aka The View, this morning, and boy could Barbara Walters not stop filthy talking to the poor breed mare.

Last week, we got a glimpse of the Meghan McCain-bashing included in Bristol Palin's forthcoming memoir.

Bristol Palin's five-bedroom in Maricopa, Arizona—where she was supposed to live while attending Arizona State University, before she changed her mind and signed on to a Hollywood reality show—is now available as a rental. The price is $1400/month. Click on the image above to view full-size. [Realtor, photo of Bristol via Getty]

Finally, the political-daughter-turned-memoirist smackdown we've been waiting for: Bristol Palin is taking on Meghan McCain.

Bristol Palin reveals Levi Johnston's seduction technique. Mel Gibson has a new, goth girlfriend. Tracy Morgan is meeting with homeless gay teens. Saturday gossip is the goodness angel of the world.

In a preview clip from her upcoming comedy special Gurrl Down, Kathy Griffin takes on Bristol Palin's recent jaw surgery. Spoiler alert: Much like the rest of the world, Kathy doesn't believe the surgery was for "medical reasons."

Rebecca Mansour, the adviser to Sarah Palin most closely associated with her post-Alaska political life, thinks Palin's daughter Bristol is a political liability. That's according to private communications published Tuesday morning by the Daily Caller that show Mansour comparing Bristol to other well-known relatives who have made life difficult for their famous political families.

Former Alaskan youth hockey player Levi Johnson, who knocked up Bristol Palin three years ago, was famous for two more years after that, and now is not very famous, has a hot new book comin' out. Deer in the Headlights: My Life in Sarah Palin's Crosshairs will hit stores September 27, and now the cover has been released. Look up and to the right — there it is! Oh, golly. [via Political Wire]

Political prop and fecund fameball Bristol Palin has admitted to getting surgery on her jaw: "I had corrective jaw surgery." Like a starlet "correcting" a deviated septum, Bristol insists that the alteration was a medical necessity.

Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah, former star dancer, do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do abstinence advocate, and facial shape shifter, has her own reality show. No, it's not Extreme Makeover. It's some crazy project for the Bio channel.

"Oh no," I thought to looking at the picture at left. "Someone mixed up the Palin girls, and labeled this one 'Bristol Palin.'" But lo! The female at left really is Bristol Palin. And so is the female at right. Did our beloved Teen Mom 2: Republican Boogaloo star use some of that abstinence advocacy money on plastic surgery? Or is her new face the product of normal weight fluctuation? Update: Bristol admits she had surgery, is "thrilled" with new face.

This is Cpl. Jeremy Morlock, posing next to an Afghan civilian he killed in cold blood in January 2010. Morlock is one of five soldiers accused of forming a drug-addled "kill team" to murder Afghan civilians for kicks.

Bristol Palin's new boyfriend Giacinto "Gino" Paoletti seems like a real salt-of-the-earth fellow. He's a believer, so Sarah must love him. Except he makes fun of people with Down syndrome and thinks reality TV shows about Alaska suck.

Bristol Palin has had a long and at times difficult career in show business. It's about time she settled down and wrote her glorious memoirs. And that's exactly what she's doing, from that house she bought in Arizona.

When students at Washington University found out that grizzly cub Bristol Palin was getting paid $17,500 out of their activities fund to come speak about abstinence, they got upset. So, having learned from others' past mistakes, Palin pulled out.

Bristol Palin confirmed the rumor that she's dating a 20-year-old Alaskan pipeline worker. "Tripp loves him," the winsome lass of the northern tundra (and Arizona desert!) said. Quick, somebody figure out the new guy's name and raid his Facebook page.

Your feelings about Natalie Portman's Uterus Theme Week are a window to your soul. Taylor Swift and Gwyneth Paltrow are besties. Miley's salvia bong for sale. Lily Allen and LeAnn Rimes are engaged. (Separately.) Tuesday gossip is aglow.

Today we checked out the swanky new stucco digs — fresh out of the foreclosure mill — that college-bound Bristol Palin bought in Maricopa, Arizona. Our Arizona real estate experts then weighed in: Is Maricopa a "good" place to settle?

Bristol Palin's new home in Maricopa, Arizona's Cobblestone Farms subdivision has five bedrooms and a three-car garage. (The better not to contribute to the myth of global warming with.) Arizona really is a cursed state, isn't it?

Is Bristol headed for the classroom? The woman who claimed Lindsay Lohan assaulted her is now the one in trouble. A bunch of celebrities are in nice places for the holidays. Let's open this stuffed stocking of a Gossip Roundup.