Everyone is always babbling about the "Bradley Effect"—the supposed tendency of white people to tell pollsters they'll vote for a black guy even though they're racist and won't—and how it might hurt Barack Obama in two weeks. But honestly the Bradley Effect doesn't seem to be applicable this year. Not because white people are less racist, but because they have no good reason to lie about supporting McCain. John McCain's current Election Exit Strategy seems to hinge on Western Pennsylvania and Virginia, and he's going to get those states back in his corner by scaring the shit out of white people. Will it work? McCain might want to look at the dire position modern white supremacist organizations are in; they can barely rile up the neo-Nazis to care that a black guy might be the next president! American National Socialist Workers Party head Bill White may be a neo-Nazi, but he's not voting for John McCain.

Movie critic Elvis Mitchell (remember him? crazy-but-readable Times crit in those glorious pre-Manohla fucking Dargis days?) had $12,000 seized by U.S. border guards as he tried to go back home to Detroit from Canada. Mitchell was hiding the money in a cigar box, along with some Cubans, and he declared only $80. When asked by border agents why he had $12,000 in a cigar box, "Mr. Mitchell told the ICE agent the money in the cigar box represented money he (Mitchell) had withdrawn from bank automatic teller machines over a two year period." We're not sure how that explains anything, but there you go. Agents allowed Mitchell to keep $117 of the $300 he had in his wallet. He'll need that to get back to the Turner Classic Movie studios to interview Peter Bogdanovich, right? Excerpts from the criminal complaint attached.

Canadians. Just last week we learned that they are stealing our jobs, brownstones, and potential mates. But this is apparently all we know about them, if two recent news items are to be believed. First, a "comedian" on a "comedy" television show was forbidden by producers from making jokes about Canada or even mentioning that strange nation. Because to announce his Canadianness would confuse viewers. "Why does he speak American, then? He looks so American!" And then maybe they'd Google Canada and learn of its cheap beer and free health care and we'd have a crisis on our hands. No, it's best to keep Americans in the dark about "Canada." Even if it leads to embarrassing diplomatic incidents like the instructional handbook given to George W. Bush and his staff before a state visit to Canada in 2004. DID YOU KNOW: "Canadians, for the most part, place importance on education, skill, modesty and politeness." Canadians—they're nothing like us! More important advice for dealing with Bonnie Fuller below.

2,000 words on "Canadians who live in New York—sure, that's a trend" and yet the name "Sklar" does not appear once. You guys didn't do your homework. Still, we learned lots of other terrifying things about these foreigners and what they want from us: our jobs! Canadians, you see, are a mysterious and dangerous race of attractive young superbeings!

CNN shouter Lou Dobbs is apparently "mulling a run for New Jersey governor." Oh, please let that be true! Current governor Jon Corzine is quite unpopular and "Republican officials" claim the oddly orange-hued pseudo-populist pundit is "taking steps toward running" for that prestigious office himself. We cannot think of a better idea! For so many reasons!

Under the Same Moon is, we're told, "a heart-warming tale of a Mexican immigrant mom working as a domestic in Los Angeles, and her Mexico-residing son from whom she's separated." It will open in limited release in April, and apparently the attached commercial for it is airing today on CNN. CNN specifically because the three review quotes pulled for the trailer all claim the film would have a profound emotional effect on Lou Dobbs, the noted Xenophobic scumbag. Of course, a cute Mexican kid would not actually have any effect on Lou Dobbs whatsoever. He would only cry if you took away his millions of dollars, or possibly his daughter's pony. Trailer below.

Legendary SciFi author Larry Niven is apparently a far-right-wing crank. A far-right-wing crank who advises the Department of Homeland Security! Niven, famous for his richly detailed stories of precisely defined aliens coexisting with humans, is now famous for trying to explain to a room full of government officials that "a good way to help hospitals stem financial losses is to spread rumors in Spanish within the Latino community that emergency rooms are killing patients in order to harvest their organs for transplants." Also: "The problem [of hospitals going broke] is hugely exaggerated by illegal aliens who aren't going to pay for anything anyway." The man wrote the Ringworld series and invented the Flash Mob so he's beloved by nerds and obviously qualified to advise important government agencies on how best to deal with the Latino menace. [Guanabee]

Hispaniola-born Junot Díaz and Edwidge Danticat swept the National Book Critics Awards, winning for the The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao and for Brother, I'm Dying. Díaz beat out real American writers like Joyce Carol Oates for the prize. But for serious, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao is one of the best books I've read in a long time, and you'd be a fool to let some perverse form of patriotism to stop you from enjoying it. [USA Today] Bonus recommendation: Junot Díaz's interview with Terri Gross nearly made me cry. No judgment!

Mustachioed embarrassment to the profession of journalism Geraldo Rivera appeared on The View today, where he castigated fellow blowhard Lou Dobbs for the sorts of things we have regularly attacked him for, but it was Geraldo saying it so we all felt a bit silly. Of course, Geraldo works for noted reasoned advocates of humane, sensible immigration reform Fox News, so this is really just another salvo in the tiresome Fox News vs. CNN (and sometimes NBC) battle. The clip is attached below.

Thanks to New York's secretive and shadowy Canadian Cabal for their fast and servicy response to our story on how they control the media! Canadian media critic Rachel Sklar jumped into action, quickly posting her exhaustive list of all the Canadians she could think of. More than 70! Some of them are dead (Peter Jennings?), others of them not quite bigwigs (Rachel Marsden?), but we did forget some important ones. Like Dahlia Lithwick and Laurie Hibberd! Canadians are better even then Jews at knowing each and every member of their relentlessly polite tribe, but even Ms. Sklar leaves some unmentioned. Much thanks, then, to tipsters who supplied the following names:

A story in Canada's National Post about how Canadian journo Clive Thompson is secretly jealous of more famous Canadian author Malcom Gladwell made brief mention of "a Canadian mafia of print journos that exists in the Manhattan magazine world." There are more Canucks in the New York media world than you might imagine, and nearly all of them hold positions of terrifying power. Do you know your Canadian Mafia members? Join us on a trip through Manhattan's dirty underbelly with the Molson-guzzling old time hockey aficionados who secretly run the media.

In solidarity with striking T.V. writers, huge 20-pound rats have been spotted in creeks and marshes in New Jersey. Sort of. They're actually nutria, not rats, but they're giant, furry rodents who are apparently very damaging to fragile natural ecosystems like those of the Garden State.