"The homily was just delivered. 'She charmed one member of the royal family to whom I introduced her, saying, "I'm 95, sir, and I've never had a facelift." I've also seen her taken up in the embrace of an African-American janitor....' Okay now Rubenstein's or some lady's phone just rang. Oh yeah: When Bloomberg came in, he greeted every cop outside. Bloomberg for President! Now the New York 400 are kneeling and reciting the Lord's Prayer. Crazy Radar reporter won't stand up during hymns! Heathen! Ah, now the Marines are taking out the coffin.... and the coffin is going into the hearse. Bagpipers are playing."

Pictured: The program. Says Josh: "None of the press sings or prays. There's a crazy Radar reporter here! Newsweek is late, as always. Holy shit the organ is so loud my EARS ARE BLEEDING. Bloomberg talking, making jokes! Now he is comparing her to Phil Rizzuto. 'She looked good in pinstripes.' Only the Bloomberg News reporter is laughing at his jokes, weirdly. Okay, her son is now speaking. They were both only children! He refers to her as 'mother'—not 'my mother.' He is reading her statement of faith. The lady next to me has not stopped BlackBerrying! It's so loud! Sorry. 'Yes, New York has lost a great woman but I have lost my mother.' Ah."