Get off that bus right now and "get with it," fellow New Yorkers! Nobody rides the bus any more—not even the poors.

Are you safe while riding a city bus? Ha, *scoffing sounds.* It turns out that your fellow passengers are placing you at risk of more than tuberculosis—risk of the entire bus just, like, falling apart. From too much girth.

Don't try this at home! Actually, don't try it anywhere—ever. Anyway, here's a four-minute video of a Nicaraguan school bus driver literally fording a raging river. Twice! (The bus is full, by the way.) Brave? Idiot? Brave idiot?

These passengers experienced a nasty shock when a snow plow accidentally hit their bus from behind, sending it 20 feet forward. Fortunately, there was CCTV footage of the accident in multiple angles. Thankfully no one was seriously injured.

An undercover cop slapped Milwaukee resident Terry Duncan with a $500 ticket for cursing on a bus. Cursing! On a bus! Apparently, the words he used "started with an 'f' and an 's.'" So... "fart"? And "sex"? [WISN]

The ability to drive a public bus while reading a Kindle is a gift. And now, here's a bus driver from Omnibus De México labeling some CD's, writing on a clipboard, and not paying much attention while driving pretty fast.

On Friday, Elizabeth Crull was arrested for DUI after crashing her car into a school bus in Orlando, Florida. Moments after the crash, Crull gave an... enlightening (read: still drunk) interview to a local news crew. Watch—and laugh—inside.

In a coup for experiential journalism, the Daily News decided to follow up on the story of a guy whose hobby is stealing buses by seeing how easy it is to steal buses. As two consecutive reports show, it's easy!

Legendary train thief Darius McCollum was arrested yesterday for stealing a Trailways passenger bus from Hoboken, New Jersey, and driving it to Queens, saying afterward, "I'll bet they won't leave the keys in the ignition." It was his 27th arrest.

Twenty-nine-year-old bus driver Duane Snipes has confessed to stealing a brand-new Greyhound bus to drive up to Mount Vernon to see his lady love. Aw, let him off! He was following his heart! But yeah, definitely fire him.

[Israel has begun to expel the pro-Palestine activists it rounded up in a Monday raid on a flotilla of boats carrying humanitarian aid to Gaza, currently under an Israeli blockade. Nine activists were killed by Israeli commandos. Pic via AP]

In 2009, 51 New York City bus drivers took paid leave after being spat upon, taking, on average, three months off. And guess whose fault it is? The MTA, of course, for pissing people off by cutting service. [NYT; pic]

The MTA has passed its "doomsday budget" this morning and a "punishing slate of service cuts" will now follow as the agency looks to make up for a $400 million shortfall in its budget. (Also coming soon: even more painfully crowded subways.) But considering your Metrocard will soon sport the word "Optimism" on the back, you should have no problem keeping up a positive attitude, right? [NYT, NY1, previously]

Hope you don't rely on the W or Z trains to get to work. As part of the MTA's effort to make up for the $400 million gap in its budget, it's proposing eliminating both those lines, as well as reducing subway service at off-peak hours, eliminating discounts for the disabled, and ripping the free bus passes that are given to city schoolchildren out of their tiny hands. [NYT]

The MTA may be forced to make deep cuts to bus and subway service next year as it contends with an estimated $343 million budget gap. But have you been on one of those super-advanced "experimental turbine hybrid" buses that the MTA is thinking about importing from New Zealand? They're as "quiet as a tomb" and bus drivers absolutely adore them! So at least someone is going to end up happy! [MyFoxNY, NYT]

Amazing investigative reporting by the great Joe McGinniss: Sarah Palin says she is conducting her book tour from a bus, but she is actually just hopping on a rented Gulfstream to get from suburban shithole mall to suburban shithole mall.

The Way We Live Now: Holding a bus pass. Mercedes hasn't abandoned its luxury image. CEOs haven't abandoned their private planes. But you're riding the bus. Aren't you?

Digital Advertising On NYC Buses at Night [Public Ad Campaign]

Not everyone is pleased by the news that the Hampton Jitney will be making stop(s?) in Brooklyn this spring. Upper West Siders, usually a restrained, voiceless group, are complaining that they lack similar service, even though they live in Manhattan. The downtrodden residents of the better borough sing of their suffering.

Arise, ye lowly denizens of Brooklyn, and avail yourselves of the comfort of the Hampton Jitney. Yes, even though thee are of lowly, outer-borough stock, the ceaseless efforts of Marty Markowitz, your portly champion, have borne fruit: Come the first note of green in the meadow, the fancy carriage formerly reserved for the lords and ladies of Manhattan will deign to enter your foul-smelling territory (possibly even at multiple stops) and transport you to your jobs as scullery maids to the gentry of the East End and South Fork. Be sure to wear shoes; this ain't no LIRR.