Lindsay Lohan's Playboy issue hits newsstands this week, amid widespread disappointment. Over the last six years, every part of Lindsay has been photographed repeatedly. (Her latest nip slip occurred this morning.) Now presenting Lindsay Lohan: A Portrait of the Starlet as the Sum of Her Private Parts. NSFW after the jump.

New York City's unofficial first lady, Diana Taylor, is celebrating her 54th birthday today. Hope Mike got you something nice! Others celebrating: Tom Brokaw is turning 69. Former Daily News gossip columnist Lloyd Grove is 54. Henry Blodget is 43. Chef Marc Murphy is turning 40. Axl Rose is turning 47. Journalist/author Michael Pollan is 54. Natalie Cole is 59. Rich Astley is turning 43. And Zsa Zsa Gabor is 92. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

Ever the upstanding arbiters of non-breaking, debunked news, The Sun today is all over The Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape That Wasn't, going as far as to say Lohan so vehemently protested ex-boyfriend Calum Best's (non-)indiscretion in not just one but two aggrieved phone calls. Because that will show him not to do what he, er, didn't:

Our closely watched forays into Lindsay Lohan Sex Tape Authentication (and Eventual Debunking) elicited a response late Thursday from representatives for Lohan ex Calum Best, whose D-list member was absolutely, positively, most certainly for sure not the one serviced in the discredited cell-phone short. He should be so lucky — or so his handlers say:

An employee of the Soho Grand had a lot to say about Lindsay Lohan's visit last week, according to a local blogger. Said the employee:

• Because of the "good behavior" she displayed by showing up in court, Paris Hilton will only serve about 23 days, and she'll be separated from the general inmate population. Just like at Hyde! [AP]
  

• Paris Hilton got her shrink to say that being forced to testify in that Zeta Graff defamation suit would "exacerbate her current mental condition," and the trial was postponed. [TMZ]