Oprah's OWN Network announced today that it will be canceling production of Rosie O'Donnell's daily talk show. What talk show? Exactly. In its five months on the air, The Rosie Show has never earned sizable ratings — beginning at only 500,000 viewers and plummeting to an average of 230,000.

Free Agents, the NBC comedy about randy public relations executives, has been canceled after three episodes. This just proves what we said all along: No one cares about PR people. It joins The Playboy Club in this season's TV graveyard.

NBC has pulled the plug on The Playboy Club after last night's episode only attracted about 3.2 million viewers. It was the first show from the fall season to get the ax. Like we didn't see that coming.

TBS has unceremoniously cancelled George Lopez's late night talk show Lopez Tonight, because basically nobody watched it. It's too bad, as Lopez was so admirably gracious and inviting to Conan O'Brien when he came to the network last year. Lopez's last show will air tomorrow night. [LAT]

Sad, sad news: America's gov Eliot Spitzer—who was not so bad on TV, once they got rid of his dead-weight co-host—is not returning to CNN's prime time lineup. His show is being canceled to make way for new CNNer Erin Burnett. We never watched your show, Eliot—but we never watched just as much as we never watched your competitors. Our condolences. Internal email from CNN boss Ken Jautz below.

A&E has canceled David Hasselhoff's brand new reality show, The Hasselhoffs, after only about 500,000 people tuned into the second episode this past Sunday.

Yet again! His Outlaw show was canceled last night, making it the third failure of this most lackluster TV season. Seriously, are there any good new shows this year? No! And poor Jimmy Smits. Can't catch a break, that one.

ABC's My Generation has been cancelled after just two episodes. It's the second cancellation after Fox's Lone Star.

TV trivia buffs take note: Fox's Lone Star is the first casualty of the fall television season.

The White House cancelled President Obama's Memorial Day speech at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery in Chicago due to "heavy rain" and "lightning." Possible right-wing talking point: The ghosts of American soldiers refused to be memorialized by a Kenyan Muslim. [ABC]

ABC finally euthanize Ugly Betty. It used to be one of the best shows on TV, but the network system's intractable greed and antiquated system ruined it. Can't we have term limits for TV series?

Conan announced that he refuses be pushed back to the 12:05 slot, essentially ending his tenure at NBC. He cited NBC not giving his show the chance to grow. Which got us thinking, what other shows were prematurely snuffed out?

In the eyes of the fanboy international, geek auteur Joss Whedon will always be too good for television. And lucky for him, Fox didn't ruin those creds by calling the nerds' bluff and keeping his show on the air.

Fox has canceled Prison Break, its "OK, we just broke out of the prison. Now what? Oh, what the hell, let's go back in" serial. Fox president Kevin Reilly's justification is hilariously blunt.

Pushing Daisies Cancelled? Word from an informant on the set of ABC's long-struggling show hints that Daisies has baked its last pie. We can't say we didn't see it coming, but at least it died painlessly: The author who yesterday cited an anonymous sophomore series doomed by internal strife later assured us Daisies was not the victim — just another casualty of terminally ill ratings. Expect ABC to rerun the Obama infomercial in Daisies' slot indefinitely until an official replacement is announced. [The Film Experience Blog]

When one's creatively adventurous casino musical murder mystery bombs so spectacularly that everyone involved is still picking the bloody sequins from the costumes of cabaret dancers killed in the low-rated blast out of their hair several days later, one can either go into hiding, hoping the media will stop calling to find out What Went Wrong, or one can hold one's head high to proclaim (in song, preferably), "Nothing ventured, nothing gained!" We're not sure which route Hugh Jackman eventually plans to take, but his wife has chosen the latter option:

Bad news today for fans of foul-mouthed patriarchs of dysfunctional surfing dynastys who suddenly find themselves periodically levitating upon the arrival of a simple, Christlike drifter in their lives: HBO has canceled John from Cincinnati, the network's baffling first attempt at filling the void left by The Sopranos. Devotees of series creator David Milch will be happy to learn that HBO is trying to extend its development deal with the writer, whom they hope will have more luck transplanting the relentless, operatic profanity of previous hit Deadwood to another series, possibly one set in a group home for sufferers of Tourette's Syndrome.

Mark Burnett's Pirate Master, the reality TV guru's bold attempt to fuse Survivor with, um, Survivor with people in bad pirate costumes, has been canceled. CBS will burn off its remaining episodes online, for those who simply must know which eyepatched contestant made off with the booty. [USAToday.com]

· Neither a second straight mind-scrambling week of screening its contestants' application films nor a renewed, audience-distracting focus on host Adrianna Costa's cleavage has increased interest in Fox's deeply fucked troubled On the Lot, which drew just 2.9 million viewers and now stands accused of poisoning people against perfectly good House reruns. If things don't turn around quickly (or if the show isn't mercy killed by the end of June), look for EP Steven Spielberg to withdraw the $1 million DreamWorks deal prize, leaving the scrambling network to replace it with a four-week intership as the guy in charge of getting hot extras' phone numbers for Week One judge Brett Ratner. [Variety]
· What's Jennifer Aniston up to these days, besides appearing on the cover of Us Weekly underneath headlines about her ongoing struggle to cope with her 2005 divorce from Brad Pitt? You know, this n' that, a little producing, a little acting. Just stuff! [THR]
· Tapping the same creative mother lode that yielded plans for a Ice Cube-led Welcome Back Kotter remake, Screen Gems is updating The Big Chill with an African-American cast. The full talent roster isn't set, but Terrence Howard is in early negotiations to reprise Kevin Costner's casket-filling role. [Variety]
· William Hurt joins Ed Norton and Tim Roth in Marvel Studios' Hulk project, which continues its curious obsession with collecting talented actors for a comic book movie. [THR]
· Rachel Weisz will star in the Peter Jackson-directed adaptation of The Lovely Bones, a fine choice for a movie we're actually looking forward to. [Variety]

· Despite Fox's attempts to boost the struggling On the Lot's fortunes by editing the show into a more compact, once-a-week, we-will-give-five-dollars-to-anyone- who-can-explain-what-the-fuck- is-going-on-at-any-given-moment format, the show draws just 3.1 million viewers in what we assume will be one of its last airings. We did, however, enjoy Michael Bay's guest judge appearance, during which he repeatedly shared his moviemaking philosophy of "get a good editor and cinematographer and they'll cover for your lack of talent," then seemed barely able to restrain himself from hitting on the director of his favorite film. [THR]
· Shadowy Hollywood Foreign Press puppetmaster Phillip Berk is replaced by five-time president Jorge Camara, who assumes the important tasks of coordinating his organization's locust-like decimation of the industry's free buffets and the handing out of meaningless awards to shitfaced actors. [Variety]
· The Agent Dance Mini Edition: UTA poaches agent Sarah Clossey from Paradigm, potentially absorbing a middling client list that includes Amanda Peet's Shouty NBS Boss and The One Jim Could Never Love As Much As Pam. [THR]
· Peter O'Toole joins the cast of Showtime's The Tudors for seven episodes as Pope Paul III, a performance that's preemptively been nominated for an Emmy. [Variety]
· Judd Apatow Comedy HegemonyWatch: The Apatow-produced, Seth Rogen-starring Pineapple Express is given a summer '08 release date following the success of Knocked Up. [Variety]