Now that blogs are dead and everything is apps, even the great American political tradition of Capitol Hill staffers anonymously gossiping about each other (and the interns) has had to adjust: Enter Cloakroom—Yik Yak for Congress.

Police placed the U.S. Capitol on lockdown "as a precautionary measure" after an apparent suicide shooting near the building's West Front on Saturday. In their initial statement, authorities said only that the suspected shooter had been "neutralized."

In a season that has already seen one of their number attain Peak Patriotism, Washington, D.C. interns continue to shine like a jewelry box of crazy diamonds that, upon closer inspection, are actually several thousand pieces of confused, translucent plastic.

Tonight we witnessed President Obama outline all the proposals that will be blocked by Congress in the election year 2012. Drill for everything. Create jobs for the humans who want jobs. End more wars, try not to have new ones... but maybe have some new ones? 2012 is shaping up to be a banner year for America's government. Let's check out some reactions from the pundits and various clowns on Twitter.

Three staffers for Democratic Washington Rep. Rick Larsen were fired today after their four months' worth of tweets that "describe on-the-job drinking, frivolous misuse of office time and resources, and contain public insults aimed at the boss himself" were traced to them. While on-the-job drinking and insulting your boss may be understandable, it's just unacceptable for any Hill staffers to frivolously misuse office time and resources.

At some point, maybe Speaker John Boehner will become good at his job and round up enough House Republicans to pass his go-nowhere debt ceiling bill. Maybe. Because Congress has other, much more important business to attend to this afternoon, like signing up for a football game.

The world is quickly tumbling further into hell, thanks entirely to a crisis of Washington's own making, but Capitol Hill is celebrating its favorite holiday of the year today: the release day of The Hill's annual "50 Most Beautiful" list!

Congressmen and Senators may be having some trouble with their debt ceiling negotiations today — specifically, Republicans keep walking away of them — but that's not really important. Who cares about "bonds"? Especially today, on Seersucker Thursday!

National Tea Party groups had planned to make a statement to lawmakers today with a well-publicized rally on Capitol Hill. Hordes of attendees were going to demand that wavering Republican members of Congress not compromise halfway with Democrats on a budget deal. A compromise for $33 billion in cuts instead of the Republicans' maximalist proposal of $61 billion, Tea Party folks believe, would be a betrayal of promises made during the 2010 election. So the Tea Party held its big important rally this afternoon as planned — but it only drew "perhaps a couple hundred" attendees. C'mon, Tea Party! Get your act together, or go extinct.

[Members of Congress, their staffs and others gather on the steps outside the House of Representatives during this morning's national moment of silence for the Tucson shooting spree victims. Photo via Getty.]

There are so many new members of Congress this year — and some of them are even attractive, by Washington standards! We've studied them all and plucked only the "sexiest." And your Gawker editors have scored them, to boot.

The young mothers of Capitol Hill have a fancy basement hideout called the "boob cube." Jealous?

Capitol Police put Congress on lockdown late this morning, terrifying everyone. It didn't last long, though, after police took down a "man with a weapon" outside Senate office buildings. 'Twas a fleeting moment of excitement for poor, overworked Hill staffers.

House Republicans have released their schedule for next year's session: One week off for every two weeks on. Think of all the full weeks you'll be able to spend with your congressmen now!

A whole bunch of Democratic staffers on Capitol Hill soon will be unemployed, like every other American. So in their last days, exiting staffers are being granted career advice, résumé building, and... grief counseling.

An adviser to California Sen. Barbara Boxer has resigned after he was caught bringing "a green, leafy substance which tested positive for marijuana" to his office yesterday, according to Capitol police. Apparently "fun" is banned on the Hill these days.

The Hill has released its 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill list, and, well... Republicans win! (Democrats, who actually work, look tired.) Other highlights: Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand comes in at #3 (?), and Scott Brown refused to pose naked.

Page Six hears that John Boehner has had to warn a cadre of Republican congressmen about being party pals with or flirting counterparties to lobbyists, due to the important upcoming election. Why does John Boehner hate fun with sexy ladies?

So, Democratic Rep. Jerry Nadler seems to have done something dumb yesterday. He got into an argument with a cabbie over when to pay his full fare, and then didn't pay at all, and then fled before the cops came.

There is some money to be made for Capitol Hill staffers. No, not salary-wise, ha. In harassment settlements! Get a job with the most pervy congressman (all of them), wait for the inevitable "comment," and let taxpayers cash you out.