To pimp its sugary, 200-calorie iced coffees, fast food giant McDonald's offered to pay some local TV newscasts for product placement. And of course the newscasts went for it, since local TV journalism is where ethical standards go to die. Meredith Corporation is putting the drinks in front of anchors at the Fox affiliate in Las Vegas (pictured) and at two CBS affiliates elsewhere. Tribune Company has the coffee at its Fox affiliate in Seattle. Even national Fox News is playing ball, placing McDonald's product at the News Corporation-owned station in Chicago. Station operators offered the Times any number of excuses, but the best has to be from the news director at the Las Vegas affiliate: He argues the placement is ethically OK because it is restricted to the "lighter, news-and-lifestyle" portion of his morning news show. Sounds like the portion of the program that might normally be given over to, say, segments on weight loss, fitness or preventing kids from becoming obese. But these days, if the station wants to do any reports that might upset McDonald's, it is supposed to yank the lucrative cups:

In a landmark decision for bodice rippers and the networks who love them, a trio of federal judges today threw out the FCC's $550,000 fine against CBS for the Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction" that exposed Janet Jackson's right breast in 2004. The damning decision resulted in a miserable spoof by Justin Timberlake at last night's ESPY Awards and, worse yet for the FCC, essentially wiped out the upgraded decency standards implemented after the broadcast — at least for live shows, which required the judges to buy CBS's defense that the nip slip was an "accident."

Last night CBS unleashed its second episode of Greatest American Dog on the American public, which promptly reached for its pepper spray before realizing the cutthroat canine competition is perhaps just the kind of gentle, slobbering reality friend we need in the summer of Denise Richards. To a point, anyhow; we wouldn't necessarily trust any of these freaks with our dogs, and we still can't be sure if Thursday's sedated-pooch pathos was touching, eerie or simply the most garishly dramatic reality-show tear-shedding of the year. Watch for yourself, tell us your choice and, in any case, wish poor Star a speedy recovery. Eleven percent of America is pulling for you, puppy! [CBS]

The predicted awfulness of CBS' upcoming American Idol-style ad jingle show Jingles has been confirmed, months before it actually debuts. It seems that-incredibly-hundreds of people have already auditioned for the show, and many of the audition tapes are available on YouTube. Ad Age has viewed them, and predicts a "trainwreck." We only have the stomach to bring you one of the auditions; below, a sample jingle for "Fruit It Up" candy, from a bizarre pink-clad singing duo. What would Gene Simmons have to say about this?

If you didn't think reality television could get any better than a show about people singing ad jingles and being judged by scandal-plagued former Wal-Mart marketing chief-turned ad world fameball Julie Roehm, think again! Roehm-whose flirting once cost an ad agency a $580 million contract-can't judge all those jingles by herself. So CBS, in full scrambling mode, has selected another judge who is equally respected in the advertising industry: KISS burnout and sex tape star Gene Simmons!

Half the stories on this sluggish midsummer news day seem to concern the same bad idea at CBS: Jingles, the Mark Burnett-produced product placement platform reality series squaring songwriters off against each other in the pursuit of... the perfect ad jingle. We can't make this up, folks, and even if we could we probably wouldn't want to — especially not the part in which the newsworthiest elements of the show are its judges: A kerfuffle-plagued, ex-Wal-Mart marketing guru and — seriously, we're too exhausted/sad/Dark Knighted-out to fuck with you — Gene Simmons:

At two weeks into your garden variety tabloid scandal, the regular spiel starts to get a little old—yes, yes, we know, that brainwashed third-baseman has been giving the aging pop diva the hot beef injection—and so new angles are required. For example, we have Page Six's item today which claims Madonna has been "loving" the attention, and plans on hitting today's All-Star game at Yankee Stadium. "'She doesn't care about the press it will get - she loves it,' said a spy. 'It just gets her more publicity for her upcoming Sticky and Sweet tour.'" How this spy managed to crack the complex Madonna Motivation code we'll never know—but crack it they did!

Sure, Dogster founder Ted Rheingold thinks that a "call to action" in a cross-promotion between the Web site and CBS's new show Greatest American Dog helped drive traffic. But I'm pretty sure it was all about the skateboarding bulldog. [Dogster]

This is the true story of twelve competitors, picked to live a house, compete in elimination challenges and have their lives taped, to find out what happens, when dogs stop being polite and start getting real. Yes, canines are the newest craze in reality television, and frankly, it's about time. Who wants to watch overly-tanned, underly-informed humans panting and smelling competitors asses, when you have the opportunity – no, privilege – to watch dogs do it? For a full 30 minutes! Allow CBS to present Greatest American Dog.

Semi-mummified Viacom overlord Sumner Redstone explains how he managed to work an immortality clause into his 8-trillion-year contract: "I don't want to die. I love what I'm doing. I love Viacom. I love CBS. And so I don't want to die. I have a will to live. The same will to win that I've always had. And, I'm gonna fight death as long as I can. I like it here. I don't want to go anywhere else." And with that, the eternally youthful media titan gave a mischievous wink—causing his lower jaw to shake loose and fall to the ground, evaporating into a small cloud of dust upon impact. [Page Six]

No wonder Lara Logan was so cranky on The Daily Show—she's preggers! Logan, the CBS war correspondent whose well-deserved promotion to CBS' chief foreign affairs correspondent was overshadowed by all this homewrecking nonsense, is now safely in Washington and expecting a child with Joseph Burkett, the contractor she famously carried on an affair with while stationed in Baghdad. The scoop comes from Washington Post "media critic" Howard Kurtz, which is funny, because he is generally useless and was all hand-wringy about how tabloidy this story was last week. Funny how a little exclusive can change a guy's mind, right? More passionate wartime forbidden love, below.

As of today, our fantasy of an exotic lifestyle of TV criticism is officially over — beaten, bloodied and left for dead by Ray Richmond, who compares the debauched good old days of the Television Critics Association press tours to the nearly irrelevant confab starting tomorrow in Beverly Hills. It's the first such event since July 2007, back before last winter's conference was scuttled by the writers strike and mainstream media had begun shearing critics and culture writers from their ranks like slabs of fat.

With the takeover of CNET by CBS Interactive complete, the parent company's signature logo in the subsidiary's signature orange watches over employees at the San Francisco office. Have a better caption? The best one will become the new headline. Friday's winner: "It isn't broken, it's reorged." by sarahfu67.

Never mind corporate meatballs like Neil Ashe and Quincy Smith — how's perky CNET correspondent Natali Del Conte faring in the wake of CBS Interactive's acquisition? Well! In an appearance on today's Early Show with Harry Smith, she sported a new 'do and explained the intricacies of different hands-free options for California drivers now banned from holding a cell phone to their ears. The best part is watching Smith stumble a bit trying to understand Bluetooth, pick himself back up by casually noting his experience as a helicopter passenger, then stumbling again over "those map things" before telling viewers to visit earlyshow.cbs.com — which is not a valid URL. Which makes us think that maybe Del Conte would make a better host than the guy who made his name doing standups for A&E Biography. Harry may be a perfect stand-in for the confused-old-man audience CBS currently has. But Natali represents the future audience CBS hoped it was buying.

Quincy Smith will serve as CEO and Neil Ashe will serve as president at CBS Interactive in the wake of the now-completed acquisition of CNET by CBS. And those are just the juicy meatballs atop a tangled mess of management noodles after executives from the two companies were tossed in the pot. News.com editor Dan Farber, however, didn't even make the menu, notes presumptive CNET killer Michael Arrington, who presents the internal memos emailed to CBS and CNET employees. Farber might have been prescient in posting a photo of early CNETeer Ryan Seacrest to his preview of the Web site's new redesign — the CBS News demographic is older than the silver-maned Farber, and CBS head honcho Les Moonves played up sports and entertainment ahead of news at the new company.

Napster is still trying to prove that it can sell MP3s, but for some Napster shareholders fighting a proxy battle to get representation on the board, they'd prefer the company was for sale, and at a premium price. Based on their SEC filing, shareholders are arguing that with the purchase of Last.fm by CBS for $280 million, Napster should be worth equally as much, if not more. The only reason it's not is because of a "lack of confidence in governance." They seem to be overlooking the fact that Last.fm doesn't have the brand name baggage but does have a lively community of users.

Mary-Kate Olsen is en fuego these days. First she proved that she's able to smile without looking like Renee Zellweger, then her Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley announced she is quite the siren when it comes to on-screen kissing skills, and now she's teamed up with David Letterman to slowly and swiftly decapitate Hills villain Spencer Pratt. On Dave's couch to plug her film, MKO's stoner voice waxed rhapsodically about her hippiefest of a birthday celebration at Bonaroo, and what it was like to, as Dave put it, "kiss a really old guy." But things turned far more interesting after Olsen slyly inserted the robotic nobody Pratt into the conversation. And Dave couldn't have been more pleased. Hear what MK had to reveal about going to high school with Pratt, and join us in applauding her ability to spark an insult-laden bout of commentary from Dave regarding the "wormy," "oily" Pratt.

In an odd bit of television, charming-but-unwatched late night host Craig Ferguson invited a fictional author onto his show Wednesday. The fictional author, Stanley Bing, wrote a book about slacking off on the job called Executricks: Or How to Retire While You're Still Working. But Stanley Bing's real name is Gil Schwartz. And Schwartz is actually CBS's head of corporate communications. Meanwhile, CBS's stock is tanking. So this is maybe bad PR, to admit to not really giving a shit about your job? Asked for comment, Schwartz said "go stuff it." After the jump, Ferguson interviews "Bing" about his earlier book on "Bullshit Jobs"—ones that pay more than they're worth. Heh.

Don't believe for a second that David Letterman really broke any studio embargoes last night to tell you he loves The Dark Knight (he's not even the first to do so), but that doesn't mean the pseudo-spoilers contained herein are likely to compel you any less. In fact, the film Letterman describes may prove to be better than the finished product Warners has so ingloriously pimped for months now, right down to Batman's protective ears and the franchise-ending climax we've been hoping for. Of course, as far as we know Heath Ledger is still in the film, so maybe it's all devastatingly true. It's not like the cast hasn't been preparing us. [CBS]

Apparently some CBS execs saw their foreign correspondent Lara Logan on The Daily Show last week, and, like thousands of young men across the nation, they said, "who is that cutie?" It turned out she already worked for them! But because she insisted on reporting depressing news from depressing places like Afghanistan and Iraq, she never made it on-air. That will change! A CBS press release says Ms. Logan will now be "CBS News' Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent and will be based in Washington, D.C." Effective immediately! Now Ms. Logan can shoot herself in the head when she's forced to watch the news they show us here in the states. Oh, and also, did you know she is a HOMEWRECKER? Oh ho ho yes she is.