Tough as it is to believe, recent leopardskin-belt double-cinching victim Jessica Simpson was once the star of her own weight-loss video.

Update time! Remember the ambitious Milwaukee lawyers who weirdly namechecked slammer-bound clients Wesley Snipes and Joe Francis en route to swanky new Malibu digs? Yeah — that didn't turn out so well.

Boy George has been sentenced to 15 months by a London judge, in a shocking climax to the Norwegian HustlerNapping Trial of the Century that for months has had a nation in its thrall.

Samantha Geimer, who last year seemed to be totally over that whole drugged-sodomizing-when-she-was-13 thing, is the latest voice calling for the dismissal of Roman Polanski's 1977 rape conviction.

The W. DVD is going to have some killer double features. First, video was leaked of the violent arrest of Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright, and now TMZ has their surprisingly funny squad car banter.

As Sayid on Lost, Naveen Andrews usually leaves nutty paranormal theories behind when he heads for the mainland. During a custody case in Los Angeles today, though, he had to deal with a whopper.

W. co-stars Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were cleared today of charges they interfered with a crew member's arrest last summer in Shreveport. Violent, taserific new footage defies you to disagree.

The new year brings a new ploy for Roman Polanski's legal restoration, which his attorneys now argue should be moved out of the polluted, prejudiced Los Angeles mire.

The Sopranos and A Bronx Tale star Lillo Brancato Jr., who three years ago was involved in a bungled burglary that left one cop dead and Brancato himself critically injured, was found not guilty.

It's hard to picture a loosey-goosey institution like American Idol—a longtime proponent of talentless T n' A-havers' rights—coming down hard on a flattering copycat contest for undiscovered pole-abouts.

Shaha Mishaal Adham, the "Saudi princess" who had turned herself in in connection with the shooting of Mark Ruffalo's little brother Scott Ruffalo—who died yesterday—was released last night.

Here's a Doomsday holdover for anyone who thinks today is going a little too conveniently well: Ryan Kavanaugh, the film financier whose Relativity Media interests intersect heavily with Universal, Sony and pretty much anyone else making films in Hollywood right now, will be arraigned next week on speeding and drunk driving charges dating back to October. His arrest was his second since 2006, when he previously sideswiped a Malibu police cruiser. And that would be a probation violation; do they allow development meetings in jail?

As a special end-of-the-week treat for you, we have this video of If I Did It author O.J. Simpson being sentenced in the Armed Sports-Memorabilia-Recovering Trial of the Century. Watch, as Judge Jackie Glass—whose name is temporarily on loan from the Museum of Blaxsploitation Cinema in Las Vegas, NV—first takes an especially delicious sip from a drinking straw before delivering the news. ("So, Mr. Simpson, the court has found as follows: Slurrrrrrrrrrrrrrp. Slurrrrrp. Slrrrrr. Sl. Slll. Sl. OK, where was I? Oh right, your sentence...") A little later you might notice Simpson glance down, perhaps to read the "YOU'RE FUCKED. SORRY!" note his lawyer had just scribbled on a legal pad. [CNN]

The documentary Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired wasn't impressive enough for the Oscars or even a decent theatrical release, but its fugitive subject is confident the film at least has the legal power to exonerate him. And now, three decades after his conviction for having sex with a 13-year-old, Polanski is taking it back to court.

Courting Controversy. When the question is, "How long is long enough before it isn't considered too insensitive to present the side-by-side you've been dying to post since William Balfour was first identified as a person of interest in the nightmarish Jennifer Hudson family killings?" we're afraid the answer is, "There exists no sufficient length of time." With news that Hudson's estranged brother-in-law was finally arrested today, however, we could resist no longer. [Yahoo/AP]

Those Hogans sure love their restraining orders! Not long after mama cougar Linda claimed that ex-husband Hulk should stay away from her based on a completely made-up court order, her young, son-resembling boyfriend has attempted to secure an actual one against the American Gladiators host. Sadly, the 19-year-old Charley Hill's claim that Hulk "pulled up next to him [at a stoplight] and stared at him" was found to be insufficient grounds for issuing a restraining order. Also, the judge found that Hulk's attempt to piledrive Charley, then throw him against the ropes was terribly, terribly fake. [TMZ]

A new workplace harassment and wrongful termination lawsuit has blown the doors wide open on the world of "branding agents"—even oilier than a regular agent, these Audi-leasing Hollywood barnacles can transform your garden-variety Jessica Simpson into a Jessica Simpson: The Jean. Todd Shemarya, the man named in the suit, was one such brand agent. Perhaps even the biggest, Variety reports, having handled endorsements and brokered baby photos for the likes of Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and Salma Hayek. So what is plaintiff Heather Devlin, a fired Shemarya assistant, accusing her ex-boss of? For starters, pooping in a doorless bathroom for all the office to see. And making fun of Brad Pitt's wee! And much, much more! From Courthousenews.com:

Today brings an addendum to our one-stop guide to comprehending Courtenay Semel, the celebrity lesbian nexus who was last seen having her claws removed from a Vegas security guard: Her alleged victim, Jaroslaw Jarczok, filed suit yesterday in Los Angeles Superior Court, claiming that the volatile Yahoo! scion attacked him in a drunken rage last August at Caesar's Palace. Worse yet, he alleges that Semel humiliated him with one of the most emasculating things a Z-list reality alumna can bellow at a man.Just when Jarczok had finally gotten used to those "Jar Jar" taunts from wasted junior executives shuffling back to their suites upstairs, the Lohan ex and current Tila Tequila flame Semel is said to have uncorked the searing rejoinder, "Do you even know who I am, fucking idiot? ... Google me, you dumb fuck." Of course, he probably did just that, uncovering the definitive Semel cheat-sheet to which his name will now be linked forevermore — and which also stated that Semel's net worth is not nearly what her father Terry's wealth might imply. In any case, the elder Semel won't be coming to his daughter's rescue as the guard seeks unspecified damages; her little Google stunt sent his Yahoo! shares plunging 12% in early trading. This one's coming right out of her inheritance.

We've learned of legal troubles befalling the House of Pullman—that's Bill Pullman, to be exact, former U.S. President during our darkest alien-invading hour—involving his son Jack, who was arrested Monday in North Carolina for "allegedly possessing moonshine and assaulting a government official." Witnesses say the three Xs on the jug Pullman was buzzing into while his friend plucked a washtub bass offered the first indications that illicit, home-distilling activities were afoot.The chilling mugshot above reveals the wild hair-frizzing and pout-paralysis that are the most common physical side effects from abusing rotgut. For heaven's sake, just say no to white lightning: It's destroying the fabric of America. [Photo credit: Asheville Police / Splash News Online]

MISTRIAL! After extended jury deliberations that lasted twice as long as the trial itself, the Britney Spears License Trial of the Century ended this afternoon in a mistrial. Attorneys gave their closing arguments another try this morning, not long after the jury foreman acknowledged the panel was split 10-2 (he wouldn't disclose which way) as to whether or not Spears broke the law last summer while driving, hitting and running without a California license. The singer avoids potential jail time at a critical juncture in her career, thus clearing her name (for now), restoring her newfound momentum and reopening herself to another decade at least of catty Mr. Blackwell rejoinders from beyond the grave. Congrats, Brit! [AP]