Liza Minnelli's workaholic ex-husband, David Gest, has been hit with a sexual harassment suit from a former assistant, whose accusations, as detailed in his complaint, run from the typical to the highly specific and/or confusing:

Former Friends star/brave lil' Broadway sailor David Schwimmer has triumphed against a crooked celebrity fundraising event organizer, who claimed Schwimmer had been bribed with "two gold Rolex watches worth $26,413" in exchange for attending a charity event. Schwimmer categorically denied the accusation, and now has the full backing of the law to support that:

The matter of just who was first to come up with the visionary concept behind Fox's reality competition So You Think You Can Dance?—a paradigm-redefining twist on the American Idol format in which contestants dance before a panel of judges instead of sing—is now thrown into question with news of a lawsuit brought against the show's producers:

In an exciting legal victory that has made the world safe for countless derivative homage-paying music videos to come, a U.S. Court of Appeals has upheld the dismissal of a lawsuit brought against Jennifer Lopez and the small army of music industry drones whose job it is to perpetuate her recording career:

Not a day after we noted blank-brained heiress Paris Hilton's propensity for occupying the handicapped spot outside Matt Leinart's apartment complex, comes this stultifying footage from TMZ.com of Hilton hitting a car with her Range Rover in a Robertson Blvd. parking structure, then peeling off as cameras captured the entire event:

Who of us did not find ourselves getting lost in the melodrama of the "Gay Vito" Spatafore plotline on The Sopranos this season? After dieting his way down several velour tracksuit sizes, Vito followed his heart and found johnny cake-flipping love, only to lose it all in one of the show's all-time ugliest whackings. Joseph R. Gannascoli, the straight actor who brought Gay Vito to life, has made no secret of his shady, pharmaceutical-hustling past, but his more recent, legitimate pill-pushing dealings are now the source of a lawsuit:

Michael Moore's Palm d'Or-winning indictment of the Bush administration, Fahrenheit 9/11, is still a source of controversy two years after its release. Sgt. Peter Damon, a mechanic who lost his arms in a freak accident repairing a Blackhawk helicopter, is suing multiple parties including Moore and NBC (to whom he gave the interview) for $175 million for misrepresenting his position on the war:

Even if the occasional unannounced visit and needy voicemail about unrequited affection gets a little creepy at times, a stalker will still love you when your agent is a little slower to return your phone calls than you'd like:

According to TMZ.com, Jessica Simpson has offered Nick Lachey a divorce settlement of "less than $1.5 million," an f-off number way beneath the 50 percent he's entitled to, with Simpson allegedly banking on the fact that Lachey will sooner accept the sum than engage in a nasty and embarrassing legal battle for his share of her earnings. Simpson's father/manager/creepy stringpuller Joe Simpson put in a call, TMZ reports, attempting to convince his former son-in-liability to take the money and run:

When it came to her 60-day LA County jail sentence for violating parole by getting arrested in Hawaii on a DUI charge, Michelle Rodriguez was prepared to "do what you got to do." In the end, however, all she had to do was 4 hours and 27 minutes of hard time, upon which she was released because of overcrowding:

Woody Allen has lost a lawsuit filed against his former producing partner over control of the re-editing of his movies for TV and in-flight broadcast:

TMZ.com's compassionate brand of stalkerazzism is on glorious display in this video of them hounding Michelle Rodriguez during her last-minute shopping excursion before starting a 60-day LA County prison stint for violating parole. (Though we're not sure what she could possibly need right now. Maybe some of those automatically replenishing doggie bowls?) Looking not at all like someone thrilled to embark on a two-month adventure of gypsy-discovery, Rodriguez graciously submits to the barrage of nosy questions, offering about her time behind bars, "You do what you got to do." She also opens up about future plans: "I'm moving to France...You know, people don't bother you there." We're not sure which people she's referring to. If it's the paparazzi, 5 million "Goodbye England's Rose" single-purchasers would beg to differ. If it's those pesky, DUI pooh-poohing police, we think she'll be dismayed to discover that France is full of them, and that they have entirely low tolerance thresholds for excuses along the lines of, "But in America, we swerve on the other side of the street!"

The only thing that seems to fire Michelle Rodriguez's pistons faster than the thought of $2 Mojito Madness night and the ensuing, S-shaped joyride home, is the hard time she has to do once she gets caught. Rodriguez made her 65-hour stint in a Hawaiian prison sound like an overnight pajama party with the Pink Ladies. ("It was so cool....Drawing pictures for everybody on their shirts...singing showtunes with the girls.") Since the crime violated parole for a previous arrest in LA, Rodriguez was undoubtedly thrilled to learn she's been sentenced to an additional 60 days of jail time:

You may recall the story of Joseph Medawar, the "producer" arrested by the feds in September who swindled millions from churchgoing widow-types, promising them a piece of the Hollywood dream—in this case, a TV series about the Department of Homeland Security called DHS. Even as he managed to convince prominent politicians to give it their seal of approval—mostly through the help of Rep. Dana Rohrabacher of Huntington Beach, who accepted $23,000 to "write the script"—the show never existed, nor would it ever exist. Medawar instead redirected the money towards maintaining his very Prada-clad, meet-you-at-Morton's lifestyle. The LAT now reports Rohrabacher announced he will be returning his screenwriting fee, moments before Medawar delivered a guilty plea:

In a judicious show of restraint on behalf of CNN Law Center's editors, the word "gay" was removed at the last moment from between the words "naked" and "guy," relieving their headline of any unpleasant undercurrents of insensitivity, cultural or otherwise.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, serial drunken joyrider and former Lost star Michelle Rodriguez did not find being locked up for 65 hours with several hundred hard-bodied hardened, female criminals to be a cruel and unusual punishment. To hear her describe it, her weekend in all-girl detention was wall-to-wall talent shows and arts and crafts classes:

Noted Italian cuisine enthusiast and non-wife-murderer Robert Blake still has the matter of that civil suit weighing heavily on him, which awarded his slain spouse's family $30 million in damages—a sum Blake will likely have trouble coming up with no matter how many of his "dozens" of post-acquittal job offers he accepts. Today, Blake's lawyer filed an appeal, claiming, among other things, "juror misconduct."

The only thing we love more than amusing, "only in Hollywood" stories sent in by our readers on Friday afternoon is when they are spooky and secondhand "only in Hollywood" stories that involve famous witch houses and kidnappings. So without further ado, we present "The Case of the Missing Sisters of Angeleno Heights."

Variety reported late yesterday afternoon that the ugliness between Brokeback Mountain gay cowboy enabler Randy Quaid and Focus Features, the studio that he felt used his love of independent cinema to trick him into accepting a lower fee to appear in four scenes in the movie, may have finally ended with a "backdoor agreement" (Var's words, not ours, though you know our affection for a good sodomy pun) between the parties. Focus, however, is coyly denying the rekindling of their romance:

Like a reluctantly implemented early bird special at Vesuvio, today you get two-for-one Sopranos cast member arrests. Louis Gross, the musclebound lunk who joined the series this season as Tony's bodyguard, was arrested yesterday for burglary—now downgraded to "criminal mischief"—and has also been accused in a separate incident of shoplifting and injuring the store manager in the process: