While The Sopranos' Artie Bucco still nurses his stirring hand back to health after its inopportune encounter with a pot of molten marinara, the actor who plays Artie, John Ventimiglia, has also found himself in some proverbial hot water: The Smoking Gun posted the police report from Ventimiglia's arrest last night, after cops spotted him weaving his Jetta around Brooklyn with the lights off, only to find an envelope containing cocaine residue in his pocket:

Just when you thought he had been all but effectively neutered by the showbiz establishment, Hollywood's Cuddliest Gangster, Snoop Dogg, has reverted back to his thug-life roots. In about as unfair a battle royale pairing as we can imagine, the hip-hop star and his entourage of over 30 hulking Snoopettes pummeled a small army of British Airways staff and London's nightstick-twirling finest after being refused entry to the VIP lounge at Heathrow:

Troubled, lesser Baldwin brother Daniel (Homicide, not Bio-Dome or Sliver) further eroded the legacy of Hollywood's most storied clan by being arrested for cocaine possession in Santa Monica motel on Saturday. Reports Court TV:

Our heart goes out to Charlie Sheen's personal assistant, who has seen a considerable expansion in job requirements recently: In addition to chauffeuring their boss to his various "It's A Smear Campaign!" tabloid TV tour appearances, they must also spend hours scrawling the words "lying, Sambora-sucking slut" over Denise Richards' face on stacks of old wedding photos. And if that isn't enough, we can only imagine the delicate, professional touch required in breaking the news that their boss' living nightmare week just got one bullshit lawsuit worse:

It's a life less colorful without Sharon Stone, Hollywood's First Lady of Crazy, in the regular rotation, sharing her latest demented ramblings on the art of onscreen naked-traipsing and how it can promote a reduction in suicide bombings. Sadly, with her Basic Instinct 2 promotional obligations fulfilled, unhinged Stone items have slowed to a dribble lately, and some that are being reported aren't even true:

The Honolulu Star Bulletin was on hand at yesterday's sentencing of repeat offender Michelle "The Drunk and The Furious" Rodriguez, who opted for a five-day prison sentence (she has four days left to serve) over 240 hours of community service. The report notes several bizarre comments made by the actress, including a plea for leniency on the grounds that she only got her driver's license seven years earlier for a "car racing movie" and that all of her driving experience "started and was acquired from car racing school." Even stranger was her explanation of her wild belligerence upon her arrest, during which she dared the cops to "put a gun to my head and shoot me!":

Michelle Rodriguez's firewater-fueled adventures through the Hawaiian judicial system are soon to come to an end, as the actress has been sentenced for her December DUI arrest:

• Gun safety vid: Jason 90210 Priestley and cartoon eagle [BoingBoing]

Sitcom producers all over town will be relieved to discover that the California Supreme Court upheld the no-dead-baby-rape-joke-too-foul sanctity of the writers' room today, ruling that the Friends staff was merely performing their duties when they speculated about the contents of Courteney Cox's uterus, discussed their personal views on the necessity of foreplay, or pitched out unorthodox ideas for Joey's day job:

The Scoop notes baby-durability-tester Britney Spears may sue the makers of the high chair that her 7-month-old son was sitting in moments before a failed escape attempt resulted in a non-serious infant skull fractures and subsequent visit from family services:

You may recall reading about a certain unpleasantness between Aaron Spelling and his one-time nurse, Charlene Richards. She sued the decrepit TV hit-machine for sexual harrassment, but not before sending out over 600 questionnaires to former actresses from Spelling's series, asking if they had also been harrassed. He shot back with his own suit, claiming the questionnaires had both defamed him and violated a confidentiality agreement Richards had signed. A judge has partially ruled on the case, claiming the defamation count has no merit, but that the confidentiality breach does:

With a concerned Nick Lachey watching from afar as his treasured source of lifelong alimony payments is thrown into peril, the $100 million Jessica Simpson jeans lawsuit shows no sign of going away. A Defamer operative brave enough to go deep undercover as a manicure customer sends us this second-hand reconnaissance of a suspicious Simpson ass-photography session:

Star magazine is reporting—in a Britney's Baby Skull Fracture Exclusive!—that the real reason for the Child and Family Services field trip to the Spears residence on Saturday had nothing to do with The Unsecured Drivers-Side Baby Incident, but was to follow-up on a child-abuse claim filed after the family visited to the hospital after the toddler tumbled from a high chair* and suffered a "scalp fracture." But the Sheriff's Department has already told TMZ.com that the investigation is closed, perhaps sparing us a wave of catch-up cover stories from the other glossies offering the opinions of Celebrity Baby Elevated Seating Experts opining on how such an accident could transpire in the Spears household.

In custody for being a "flight risk" since his conviction in January for tax evasion, America's favorite gay nudist/Machiavellian strategist Richard Hatch has been kept away from the rest of the prison population as he awaits his sentencing later this month:

The Insider reports that the Department of Children and Family Services finally showed up at Britney Spears' house in Malibu on Saturday afternoon to investigate the February incident in which Spears allegedly escaped her paparazzi tormentors by driving away with her newborn baby in her lap. (When we offered to name the child a year ago, we weren't just whistling Dixie.) But before you let yourselves become enchanted with an image of government functionaries in windbreakers kicking in the door, pressing a foot into the back of Kevin Federline's neck while pointing semiautomatic weapons in the direction of his cornrows, then hustling out of the house with young Sean Preston wrapped up in a blanket, US Weekly says that the visit was merely a "political" necessity, not an indication that Federline might soon be relieved of his biological unemployment insurance policy. The couple was informed ahead of time of the investigators' drop-in, allowing plenty of time to prepare a demonstration of the safety of their parental supervision that included duct-taping the baby to a high chair inside the house while leading their guests outside to showily torch the infamous vehicle that once endangered their offspring.

We're not entirely sure what draws such a highly disproportionate amount of twins, convicted felons, and combinations thereof to the American Idol party. Not even sweet-natured good ol' boy Bucky Covington is exempt: You may recall the husky-voiced country singer introducing America to an identical (and we mean down to every snaggletooth and unwieldly strand of blonde hair) twin brother named Rocky. Back in 1998, when an auto accident could have landed Rocky in jail for having a suspended license, the boys' father concocted a plan to bring in Bucky to dupe the authorites. The other party played along, until his own father found out what really happened and called the cops, landing both twins in front of a judge:

Jessica Simpson is being sued for the outrageously large sum of $100 million by a clothing company that licensed her name for a line of casualwear, claiming she refused to properly endorse the sensibly priced duds in public:

While former 1990s teen idol Brad Renfro appears to be on the long, uphill road towards substance-abuse recovery, former 1970s teen idol Leif Garrett does not. The unidentified drug that got him arrested in the Pershing Square subway station back in January has been found on him again, this time in his bloodstream:

We encourage you to avoid making any loud noises, sudden movements, and saying things like "Man, this heroin feels so great" around recovering addict Brad Renfro. The down-and-out actor has just gone through what had to be one of the tougher chapters of his 23-year-old existence: He's submitted himself to nine days of court-ordered detox after his drug arrest and ten days in the big house for a separate DUI charge. And despite lawyer Richard Kaplan's constant intonations of Renfro wanting to "get back to work," the actor appears to be doing the right thing by putting his career aside and taking up immediate residence in a live-in rehab facility. CourtTV.com spoke with the actor about his recent struggles:

A hairdresser hired for Kevin Costner's 2004 wedding and accused of stealing the actor's laptop computer has finally admitted his guilt: