It's Fourth of July weekend! And if you're not working like we are, you should be out drinking Bud, getting a sunburn, and blowing shit up like a true Patriot. Here's some examples of how to properly celebrate America's birthday.

Today is the longest day of the year! And while you are spending it writing emails to Justin Bieber, or whatever it is you do, some of the most magnificent weirdos you will ever meet are celebrating at Stonehenge.

At long last and after much gentle ribbing, author-turned-barrister Elizabeth Wurtzel has passed the bar exam. She even emailed Nick Denton personally.

Blessed 68th birthday wishes to maniacal Elvis doppelganger and beloved North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il! While outside agitators allege that Kim's mental and physical health is flagging, we have official word that the truth could not be more opposite.

Whenever a 30 year-old woman dies tragically, alone, her dead body lying undiscovered for days, capping a horrifically fucked up life, one is always tempted to ask oneself: Shouldn't we treat this event "as a glamorous celebrity happening to which we should aspire?" Eschew the temptation, friend! Andrea Peyser, an expert on sex fiends of all stripes, shall put this in perspective for you:

We figured out where the photos of Katie Couric shaking her lovely lady humps were taken: at the after-party celebrating her debut as anchor of the CBS Evening News. That was the best possible answer.

Angelina Jolie has picked the latest far-flung country from which she plans to pluck another child. And the winner is Syria! According to OK!, which first broke the news of Jolie's latest acquisition, Brad Pitt has decided to sit this one out, since he thinks six kids is plenty. But the people of Syria sure are thrilled!

The supposedly magical ladyparts of Kate Hudson and Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly are being credited for their respective boyfriends'—Alex Rodriguez and Derek Jeter—awe-inspiring post-season performance. Here's hoping Ms. Kelly doesn't get jealous of Jeter's new girlfriend.

The downside (and upside!) to a Yankees World Series victory.

It only cost the city of Mount Vernon, Washington $17,748.85 in police overtime and whatnot to host their "Glenn Beck Day." Cheaper than buying a slave! [UPI]

¿Tomorrow is National Punctuation Day? ¡Yes!

Owner of us Nick Denton is 43 today. Happy birthday also to Vince McMahon, Yasser Arafat, Dave Chappelle, Mike Huckabee, Reggie Miller, Steve Guttenberg, Rupert Grint, and Richard Blakeley. Quite the auspicious group. Also on this day in history:

Pictured, tautly manboobed sexagenarian Sylvester Stallone, toasting Planet Hollywood's purchase of Buca di Beppo, who plan on extending the movie motif to the Italian chain by rechristening it Apastalypse Now.

How excited was Glenn Close yesterday to earn immortality on the Walk of Fame? Excited enough to carnally plunge onto Hollywood Blvd., which we take to mean "pretty excited." Get a room, you two.

Dave Chappelle's most recent AWOL streak ends Monday on Bravo, when he will appear on the 200th episode of Inside the Actors Studio. Except, in a clever twist we're presuming occurred only because Diana Ross was unavailable, Chappelle will interview Lipton for the whole show.Today we got a glimpse of the comic delivering the episode's customary windy introduction, which comes as close as we've been to a Chappelle performance in years — properly reverential of Lipton's mile-long resume (even the "literary perennial An Exaltation of Larks," a title no one can read with a straight face) while dropping random bursts of profanity and invective when necessary. The only thing that likely would have improved this would have been a Chappelle-esque three-hour wait for Lipton's arrival, followed by a chain-smoking binge of payback from their last tilt in 2005. Or maybe that comes later in the episode. Either way, congrats, Jim! [Bravo]

Happy 75th, Variety! Defamer wishes the best of anniversaries to Daily Variety, which today celebrates 75 years in business — albeit a month late, as is customary with so many of its biggest stories, but in a festive, infectious spirit nonetheless. Not to mention surprising as well, according to the blurb featured on its Web site's front page; we knew Peter Bart had been tottering around the deck for a while now, but to think Bart himself may have once run the printer with one hand while memoing Gone With the Wind notes to Louis Mayer with the other... Well, kudos indeed. And don't stay up too late partying! [Variety]

IMDB is Finally Legal: We know where your mind probably went hearing that the Internet Movie Database turns 18 today. But despite the lovely note passed along by founder Col Needham, we're mostly just relieved we can finally throw it out of the house. So, IMDB, consider yourself emancipated — write if you get work, and don't forget to vote. [IMDB]

OMG! The birthday-celebrating opportunity of your tween's lifetime is right around the corner at Disneyland, where plans for Miley Cyrus's Sweet-16 bash on Oct. 5 are coming together with saucy, serendipitous panache. Never mind the $250 face value of the limited tickets going on sale Aug. 30 — the guest list validates a price even double that. Take, for starters, the Jonas Brothers and Miley's other Disney cohorts, throw in a few volunteers handpicked from Youth Service America, and finish it off with a two-story birthday cake full of gays. Or at least a theme park full of them, according to The Advocate:

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