Celebrity power blogger David Hasselhoff could barely step away from his laptop at breakfast this morning. In between bites of strawberries and toast, Hasselhoff said, "Nobody takes a minute off on the internet. You have to be there every minute of the day looking and hunting for the next big story. So, you have to make it work for you and here I am with my laptop and my wireless card looking to break more stories before I finish my breakfast than Perez does in a week." The Hoff appeared to be unconcerned about the syrup he spilled on his laptop since it's still under warranty at the Apple store.

Now that it's clear that Iran stopped building nukes in 2003, one wonders what everyone's favorite muppet-like (and perhaps hot) dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has really been up to. Well, he's sure been busy blogging! Ahmadinejad's Personal Memos manages to hit on everything from the Zionist conspiracy to clumsy Shakespeare references—and of course he's very popular with the commenters. Let's take a closer look!

Crazy-haired New Yorker thinkbot Malcolm Gladwell, after an absence of 305 days, has returned to his blog, if only to post the second-worst thing a blogger ever can: OMG LOL sorry no updatez!!11! (At least there were no cat pictures. Oh my God, does Malcolm Gladwell even have a cat???) His failure to multitask is duly noted, and also he is done with his book. Hmm. Well, yeah. What the hell did any of you do over the last 305 days anyway? Didn't write any bestsellers, did ya. [Gladwell]

"In this photo provided by Harrah's Casino, celebrity blogger Perez Hilton attends Halloween party at the Pool at Harrah's Resort in Atlantic City, New Jersey, Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2007. (AP Photo/Harrah's/Dima Gavrysh/Handout)"

Nature's most perfect (and most-sued!) blogger has arrived from L.A. to our fair city, his old stomping grounds. (He used to share an apartment in Stuy Town, ya know.) Mega-harsh words from a reader: "Perez Hilton is blogging his way through yet another pathetic, albeit profitable, morning at the Starbucks in Sheridan Square. What a tragic waste of human flesh. Were I Buffalo Bill in 'The Silence of Lambs,' precious Perez would find himself in a very deep and dark well with a short lifetime supply of Jergens lotion." Sheesh, sounds like someone needs to sneak out for a yoga class! No word on whether there were Photoshop coke dots near his nostrils or 2D representations of ejaculate pooled on his face.

"That's how she rolls. Just when you least expect it, Mariska throws you a curve. Over the years, I've come to expect nothing less from the hardest working—and needless to say, hottest—perp-buster on TV." That's from the "blog" of T.V. star Mariska Hargitay, which is written solely by people who are not Mariska Hargitay (but who may know her!). "Preorder your 'XO, M' t-shirts!" reads another "blog" post. It turns out that a lot of celebrity blogs aren't blogs at all, but just a collection of markedly amateurish press releases. But! At the other end of the spectrum, some celebrity blogs are deeply personal, like Al Roker's. He recently wrote a moving eulogy of his mom there! Its gravity is only slightly undermined by the cartoon of Al in a prop plane buzzing around the screen. So what else do famous people do with their personal webjournals? Our Intern Mary applied her analytical tools to the most recent posts on 48 of these sites and came up with some findings.

Forbes columnist James Brady's review of Times columnist Maureen Dowd's review of Camelot-era historian Arthur Schlesinger Jr.'s terrible-sounding diaries IS A LITTLE BIT OF HEAVEN. The MoDo review is basically the longest blog post ever published in the Times, and Brady's LiveJournalling response is superb: "She drops in a wonderful reference to the fact in his later years he was 'perennially broke' and didn't even have a savings account. Gosh, just like most of us. Though whenever I saw Arthur out on the town (usually with his very tall, attractive and awfully pleasant wife Alexandra), he was impeccably (if tweed-ily) dressed and seemed to have cab fare." Yes. Broke, just like most of you! Anyway, adorable! I want to crawl inside this glimmering fantasy tunnel that these guys have dug into a mountain of non sequiturs and just live there all the time!

Jay McInerney, whose "filigreed, butter-thick prose and Chekhovian plotting also bear comparison to... Updike," according to the Village Voice, is guest blogging on the website for Sub Zero, makers of fine refrigerating devices.

Tremble, bloglings! Ubersocialite Tinz Mort'mer is blogging! In her first entry over at Glamour, Tinsley semi-non-apologizes for wearing the same dress twice and declares an entire season to be "over." It's like My Little Pony learned how to type! And yet, the "work product" is more literate than that of any other blogger Glamour has yet employed....

It has now been 193 days since Malcolm Gladwell's last blog post. [Gladwell]

Actress/children's book author/celebrity blogger Jamie Lee Curtis, who last week so memorably shared her feelings about how reality TV cooking competitions are surely a precursor to unscripted shows ending in televised executions, today returns to HuffPo to explain the psychological defense mechanism that allowed her to temporarily overcome a crippling fear of terrorism on a recent trip to England:

175 days ago, Malcolm Gladwell published his most recent blog post! [Gladwell]

After a three-week hiatus, Tina Brown is finally blogging over at Salon, and already it's like W. T. F. On why Paris Hilton is so emphatically not today's Princess Diana: "Ms. Hilton's defining moment was a webcam video of herself with a loomin [sic] phallus in her mouth, whereas Lady Diana Spencer at the age of 19 was beet-red-faced with embarrassment when a tabloid photographer snapped her with her infant charge outside a nursery school in a pose against the sunlight that revealed her shapely legs." Also! "Unlike Britney, Lindsay or any other of the pitiful starved waifs attached to hair weaves, she never acted out her private pain by throwing up in the backseat of a car, winding up in rehab or displaying her shaved pudenda to a stricken nation." She's fabulous and hilarious—waifs attached to hair weaves! Pudenda! But. Is she also totally incorrect?

"Life in general is so surreal and crazy," writes Britney Spears in her latest homepage message to fans. Coincidentally, her letter in general is so surreal and crazy! In it, she tackles the Big Questions, like What is Truth, Who is God, and What's Up With Freeloaders? It's like what she would be thinking about if she was in college, minus all the "actually being informed by reading and stuff" parts.

Watch your back, Atoosa Rubenstein: there's a new Alpha Kitty in town, and she's got deeper blog-thoughts and, to be perfectly honest, a nicer rack. Would you like to see the giant, shiny pearl of wisdom, gleaned from intensive journaling and "spending some time in Europe" and "reading a book about Michelangelo," that Jessica Simpson has seen fit to share with readers of her blog?