Gosh, was it only five years ago when Paris Hilton spent her birthday shooting a sex tape? Or three years ago when she was convinced British royalty might come out if she tried hard enough? Or two years ago when she forgot the video camera? Or one year ago when the Post reported "seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room?" Well, it was! This year she took her clothes off, but not all the way (maturity!); she invited supportive friends who don't expect much more from her than "what's up Las Vegas?" and "we're going to party tonight;" she dropped the midgets (it's a fetish she's recovering from) and she caught the whole thing on high-quality video that got quickly uploaded to the internet. See? She is growing and maturing. Mostly.

Actress Jane Fonda isn't supposed to say "cunt" because she's an American, a decorated Viet Cong lieutenant and everything but still an American. Gordon Ramsay, on the other hand, is a louche British prick who happens to cook and has a television show, and we just haven't gotten around to rendering him to CIA surrogates in Syria or whatever. So he can say "cunt" as he does in this clip and we would not be offended, even if he was speaking in his native tongue and not Welsh, and even if he was on clean American television and not the filthy BBC. [Tabloid Baby]

Gary Coleman, the child actor who amassed a small fortune from TV show "Diff'rent Strokes" but ended up working as a security guard, secretly married and reportedly lost his virginity to a cute 22-year-old redhead six months ago and is working furiously to destroy this generous twist of fate. His wife, Shannon Price, has been described by one tabloid as "half [Coleman's] age and twice his height," and is the one who proposed, despite Coleman's notorious temper. She makes her money selling things on eBay, including Coleman memorabilia. They got married after a helicopter ride through the Grand Canyon and "Inside Edition" did a whole big story. Sweet, right? Except they don't talk for days at a time, probably because Coleman is throwing things and his wife is having to call the police. Details, plus a quick video shot of the wife, after the jump.

Pop quiz: What is the best way to secure a second date with Julia Allison, assuming, for whatever reason, you wanted to do so? Answer: Bring a television camera to the first date! It worked for Chris Balish of TV network CW. In fact, attention-hungry dating columnist Allison had to be repeatedly told to at least pretend to have to think about a second date with Balish before saying "yes." But the relationship was not meant to be. The day after the first date segment aired, panicked network executives decided to replace Balish's show, at least for now, with something more substantive: "America's Next Top Model." The terrifying Julia Allison date video that could shake Balish's career to its foundations, after the jump.

Emily Brill's amazing adventure in self-publishing and restarting her life has begun! The disaffected daughter of niche media mogul Steven Brill posted no fewer than four articles to her website over the weekend. The reports were long on events and socialite sightings and short on both pictures and some of the racier content she promised in her debut post: "intimate dinners with George Clooney," "exotic trips," "the Ritalin." But the aspiring social diarist does appear to be slowly learning the the basics of socialite reporting, starting with bring something to write things down on. Also, ask questions. Also, remember to take lots of pictures. Most importantly, definitely include anything that happened while drunk, including getting felt up.

When Gawker nastily republished swimsuit shots of Emily Brill, daughter of the publishing magnate, several readers objected. Just because she's a spoiled rich girl, she's not a target, you said. Emily Brill (right) had done nothing, beyond displaying a newly svelte figure on her Facebook profile, to call media attention to herself. But think of that introductory post as a self-fulfilling prophecy that Steven Brill's ambitious daughter would become a public figure.