Let's watch some porn. In 4K, "Ultra" HD. Where your eyes can affix to every booty goosebump, every spelunking booger, every little smudge of unmentionable matter at every slope and crack of the human anatomy.

[This is 50 Cent leaving a bathroom at the CES electronics show in Las Vegas. If you have to ask why, you'll never understand America. Image via Getty]

Judson Laipply's pop-choreography clip "Evolution of Dance" hasn't made a dime from his stardom. At the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, no one in the crowd could place him. His nine-figure viewcount has proven to be nothing more than the transitory flitter of eyeballs.

Attendance at this year's Consumer Electronics Show, the annual gadgetfest in Las Vegas, is down 25 percent from 2007, with 130,000 expected to attend. Are we just not that into tech toys anymore?

Cartoonist Hugh Macleod's Blue Monster — the beast urging Microsofties to "change the world or go home" — will get its own bus for the Consumer Electronic Show in Las Vegas on January 5. The blue guy with the big teeth is more cute than frightening, but there's another reason to run for safety if you see this sucker turn the corner. Guess who's driving it? Hint: the answer is NSFH — not safe for highways.

NICK DOUGLAS — The annual gadget orgy known as CES turned out some shiny pretty things, but it popped out some damn ugly (and stupid, useless, wasteful, and all the other things your momma called you) gadgets. Here's an illustrated recap of the worst, and just what makes each so unsellable.

NICK DOUGLAS — Mmm, the Taser, America's favorite legal civilian weapon, favorite tool of cops on both baddies and protesters, and always good for video fun. I've compiled one electrical montage some of the best Taser shots on the Internet, including three celebrity tasings from Armed and Famous, premiered on TV tonight. NSFW, due to the screaming.

PAUL BOUTIN — True story in my inbox: "I just went into the Apple store in Soho to buy the Apple TV device. Asked the shop assistant. Clearly not the first. February, he answered, tersely." Hey pal, didn't you pay attention? None of the gadgets unveiled today — the iPhone, Apple TV, the new Airport Extreme with 802.11n — will hit the stores for at least a month. Whatever happened to "and it's available TODAY?"

Blind item: What music company exec got a little too tipsy at CES Vegas? Maybe this man thought he'd wandered into a party for the nearby AVN conference — or maybe "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" was an unwise motto.