If you’re a disgruntled waiter looking to punish an obnoxious customer, you should should think twice before hocking a revenge loogie into their drinks, because now cops will bust you for that shit using science.

A cook at a Valrico, Fla. Chili's was fired from his job after he posted pictures of himself posing shirtless in the restaurant's kitchen to Facebook with the title "Sexy Cooks Of Chili's."

The toughest thing about being a paranoid armed misogynist bully with a smug sense of self-satisfaction is, it's hard to make friends. Even the gun lobby now hates the heroes of Texas Open Carry, having realized that it's hurting the cause of universal free gun love with its guns.

After a debacle earlier this month where Texas Open Carry gun activists were declined service at both a Chili's and then a Sonic while walking around with assault rifles strapped to their bodies, Sonic and Chili's have both made statements that ask their customers to leave their guns at home.

You can't undo social injustice with inaction. Which is why these armed freedom fighters have taken to chain restaurants to plead nonviolently, and counterproductively, for their liberty to eat a quesadilla salad while scaring the fuck out of everybody in the joint.

A working mother who has had a negative experience with law enforcement officials in the past took to her private Facebook account to express her thoughts on the matter — and was promptly fired for it.

When William B. "Willie" McCoy (aka Wolf Johnson) died last September, his sister teamed up with the geniuses at Dallas' Golden Gate Funeral Home to give him a proper send-off. Willie at one point sang with the Drifters but made his biggest mark singing bass in that haunting Chili's commercial that stuck to pop culture like BBQ sauce on ribs. (Oddly, the version featuring Willie doesn't seem to be on YouTube, so here's Nsync's.) That song was sung at his funeral/home-going ceremony, which also featured a barbeque sauce fountain, shrieking pigs, giant rib sculptures, a picnic and a preacher in a chef's hat. Naturally, this was all captured by TLC in a one-off special that aired last night called Best Funeral Ever.

Interchangeable pseudofood joint Chili's—intent on "spicing up its brand"—is spending millions on a new ad campaign, one part of which is summed up thusly by the company's ad genius: "How he behaves is bold, how she behaves is bold, and the food we're featuring in the spot is boldly flavored."

Just a week after we learned of a baby who got drunk at Applebee's and a toddler who got soused at Olive Garden comes the story of Brooklyn Davis, a four year-old who got hammered at a Chili's outside of Chicago. Three is a trend!

There's really not too much to this video. It's only about 10 seconds long, it features only one person, and she only speaks a couple of sentences. But boy oh boy is it the funniest thing I've seen all day.

You can't have a hamburger without a side of fries. Heck, French fries are sometimes a meal unto themselves, but either way there's no getting around the fact that they're unhealthy. Here's a ranking of the worst offenders in America.

Meet Dominick Christian Thayer, an Oklahoma City resident who only loves five things: Gold paint, RC Cola, Chili's (the dining establishment, of course), stealing trucks, and "wearing shorts that expose his genitals and buttocks."