A proper rite of passage when traveling through America's lavish airport system is pushing a hot, thick Cinnabon in your craw as you "run" pathetically to catch your flight. At times of desperation, like when the Burger King is out of BK Chicken Fries™ and an unripe banana™ simply won't do, Cinnabon is a jetsetter's best friend.

"There are only so many malls and airports."- the president of Cinnabon's unsatisfactory explanation for the existence of Cinnabon Vodka, Cinnabon lip balm, and Cinnabon air freshener.

I hope you're happy, you disgusting animals.

Tired of having to purchase your pizzas and Cinnabon rolls separately? Introducing the Pizzabon.

After two years of planning and one false start, Georgia-based baked goods chain Cinnabon has officially become the first American franchise to open a store in Libya.

These are bleak days for American consumers. We have no money, all the malls are closing, and everywhere we look some trusted brand is being attacked or irrevocably changed. Let's take a look at the news of today's commercial decay.