According to the New York Daily News, police now believe Citigroup banker Shawn Miller may have slit his own throat after a night of meth-fueled partying with a man he'd recently met on BackPage.com.

It's about to be the worst Christmas ever for more than 11,000 Citigroup employees, who will soon be unceremoniously dumped by their Grinchly employer during the happiest time of the year.

Most of the big banks have kept quiet after President Obama controversially recess-appointed Richard Cordray to his throne atop Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. We still don't know how much this new bureaucracy will annoy the banks, but one can assume they were just fine with the previous arrangement, in which congressional procedural gimmicks were used to block it from ever taking formation. But then yesterday, something wonderful happened: Citigroup's lobbyist chimed in with a passive-aggressive blog post about the whole issue!

Citigroup has agreed to pay $285 million to settle charges that it packaged and sold a bunch of mortgage-backed securities in 2007 that it knew would drop in value, and then bet that they would in fact drop in value, making money off the suckers it sold them to.

Citigroup CEO Vikram Pandit told a Fortune conference on Wednesday that he "would be happy to talk to" Occupy Wall Street protesters "any time they want." That's so cool of him! Here's his cell phone number. He's waiting for your call.

Last week, Citigroup admitted it had been hit by hackers in May who used a super-simple browser trick to make off with account information on more than 200,000 of the bank's credit card customers.

You know what should be one of the hardest things in the world to do? Break into a bank and make off with tens of thousands of bank accounts. But hackers waltzed into Citigroup's website and did just that without breaking a sweat.

Citigroup discovered in early May that hackers accessed data on about 200,000 of its customers, including names, emails and account numbers, according to Reuters. Luckily Citi promptly notified customers one month later.

Ben Stein—wacky creationist, conflict-of-interest-ridden former columnist, and slow-speaking Ferris Bueller teacher—is still in demand as a speaker, apparently, despite being provably wrong about things. But he's funny, by financial standards. Right? Yeah, too funny.

There could be no smokers in 30-50 years, according to a Citigroup analysis of declining smoking rates in Britain. Some day we may have to explain to our genetically-enhanced children what smoking was before plugging them in at night.

Eager for work in the financial industry, an MBA student fired off a PowerPoint presentation entitled "9 Reasons Why You SHOULD Hire Me As Your Investment Banking Analyst." And, because, "Passion Is Business," she reportedly landed several interviews.

Former Obama budget director Peter Orszag is in "advanced talks" to join Citigroup's investment banking division.

Are you a rich parent with a stupid kid? Fear not! There's a new website to help your spawn understand how filthy rich they really are, and how to manage their trust fund before blowing it in Saint-Tropez.

Debrahlee Lorenzana is about to cause a second financial crisis with her hotness: Allegedly fired from Citibank for being too hot, Debrahlee says new employer Chase may fire her, too, if she "keeps talking." If that happens, customers will rebel.

Hottie banker Debrahlee Lorenzana says Citibank fired her for being too hot. Now, if she doesn't lay off the media appearances, she could be fired from her new job at Chase. Plus! Watch video of hottie banker in action!

Hottie banker Debrahlee Lorenzana, who says Citigroup fired her for being too hot, really was quite hot, reports the New York Daily News, which joins the scandal of Debrahlee's hotness with eyewitness testimony. And another gallery of sexy pictures.

Diana Taylor, Bloomberg's girlfriend and Citigroup board member, was approached by Republicans to run against Kirsten Gillibrand for senator: "If she wants it, she has a political future." She'll most likely wait until Mike is done as mayor. [NYT, Getty]

"Everything about Debrahlee Lorenzana is hot. Even her name sizzles," writes the Voice in a profile of the hot banker fired for being "too distracting for her male colleagues to bear." Her lawyer even has photographic evidence of said hotness.

Today was a rollercoaster of a day on Wall St. as a massive sell-off sent the Dow plummeting 1,000 points before rebounding a bit. What caused the sudden dip? It might have been one trader's tiny, but huge, typo.

Here's a salacious bombshell: Former Treasury Secretary and ex-Citigroup executive chairman Bob Rubin bragged about cushy corporate jets and how easy his job was during sexy romps with an alleged mistress. During the middle of the financial meltdown, no less.