The world's worst filmmaker recently starred in a Verizon broadband ad parodying his blow-it-all-up-and-chant-"awesome" style, an ad which many received without critique, as if Michael Bay was letting everyone know he's in on the joke — that he knew he's just a soulless moneymaker. Bay has reduced of his body of work into a 31-second ad. And impressively, nothing has been lost. Before the analysis, watch the work in question:

With the fumigation circus tent removed from the Big Brother house on the Radford lot, every stubborn germ, virus, and parasite from the last batch of contestants effectively snuffed, we're now ready for another round of the hit CBS reality series. And while there was certainly nothing broke with the show's last incarnation—who doesn't love watching 16 off-duty bartenders stand around a kitchen island sharing Jew-spotting tips?—they've tweaked Season 9 considerably. Big Brother: 'Til Death Do You Part pits eight teams of two against one another: all couples. And by that we mean, sex-having couples.

Oh hey, Conan made fun of Jane Fonda's little cursing episode on yesterday's Today too! In his once-again professionally written monologue, O'Brien discussed the incident, then presented two little-seen clips of Ms. Fonda enjoying the word "cunt" in earlier performances.

The argument goes that IAC chairman Barry Diller is battling with John Malone over control of the company because he's never been the visionary he claims to be. Odd. He certainly seemed like one back in 1999. That's when he appeared on Charlie Rose to explain why his company, then called USA Networks, tried to acquire Lycos for $20 billion. Check out the clip. Nine years ago, Diller nailed the Internet. Though maybe not the Lycos deal.

Hanoi Jane! On NBC! Saying "cunt"! Is it Bill O'Reilly's birthday? That's how he must've felt when Jane Fonda chose to curse on a network he happily crusades against every goddamn day on his show (because, you see, MSNBC employs people, like Keith Olbermann, who make fun of him). Though he employed his typical tone of stern, paternalistic morality, you could tell there was loving care involved in assembling his montage of people—all of whom happened to be women, most whom happened to be liberal—accidentally cursing on television. "If someone does that on my program? Believe me, they'd get scolded." We're sure they would! And we admire Bill's restraint in restricting his obscenities to harassing telephone calls and legal documents. The clip is below.

Demonstrating fairly impressive comedy turnaround time, David Letterman's top ten list last night was about how Jane Fonda said "cunt" on the Today show yesterday morning. The highlight is less the list (though the Katie Couric joke is funny) than Letterman's alternately gleeful and skittish explanation of the incident (also the fact that he can't quite bring himself to say "vagina."). Clip attached, enjoy.

· Things Michael Bay considers awesome: Blowing shit up, tigers in his living room, fiber-optic internet access. Especially the first one.
· We completely forgot to watch The Moment of Truth last night, but thanks to Fox's handy YouTube recaps, we got all caught up in just two minutes. We'll never suffer through another drawn out pause between the lie-detecting robot lady's "The answer is..." and an anticlimactic "TRUE!" again!
· Here's a handy guide to how some celebrities are spending their Valentine's Day. It's interesting because they're famous!
· Incarcerated former Prison Break star Lane Garrison and Access Hollywood are pen pals! Tomorrow: Dr. Drew reads aloud from Pat O'Brien's sobriety diary on Celebrity Rehab.

That's according to The Hollywood Reporter's review of Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom. And they're not the only reviewers struggling to find a silver lining for the Berlin Film Fest flop. The story revolves around three bohemians living together in London: one's a pervy musician, one's a ballet dancer/pole dancer, and the other wants to go to Africa and save dying babies or something. Clunky plot line aside, Variety managed to drum up a positive aspect as well; the soundtrack features "cracky little numbers"!

And then there were five. Last night's Project Runway was the last before next week's catty reunion episode. (Apparently the African-American girl we have no absolutely no recollection of was really upset about certain things someone said about her!)

Dear singles stuck alone on Valentine's Day: Nuts to you! Tonight I will go out with my girlfriend, and then we will have sex. Please avoid watching "Lost" because if you talk about it tomorrow all your friends will realize you are lonely. Instead watch these four Valentine's Day videos on the web.

Meet BlueLithium founder and Yahoo employee Gurbaksh Chahal, "more commonly known as 'G,'" according to his personal site. "At 25 years old," the site also reports, "[G] is one of the youngest and most successful entrepreneurs of recent history." But more than that, he is beautiful. After the jump, both G's recent appearances on Fox Business News — and how his publicist announced them.

An appalling four months after the brave Deal Or No Deal model-slave known only as Briefcase Number Two took to basic cable to expose the show's inhumane working conditions (particularly chilling was Two's showcasing of the scars Howie Mandel inflicted with a cat o' nine tails for her unacceptable fumbling with a lock on her assigned Zero Halliburton during a crucial moment), the mainstream media has decided to finally take up the mistreated mannequins' cause.

"Matthews says his job 'is to be provocative and say things — you know, "That's crazy!" — the way you might at a party.'" That's from today's lengthy Howard Kurtz profile of the famed MSNBC shouty person, which, in typical Kurtz style, uses many words, anecdotes, and interviews to say precisely nothing about its subject. Matthews: says whatever he thinks! Matthews: enrages Democrats and Republicans! Matthews: is criticized by some for talking about women in odd and uncomfortable ways! Oh, there's insight. You just have to dig for it. (For example, here's Newsweek senior Washington correspondent Howard Fineman summing about everything useless about Howard Fineman in two sentences: "'Chris asks a question, he often answers his question, and then he asks you to comment on his answer to his question,' says Fineman. 'Which I'm perfectly happy to do.'") After the jump, a brief history of Chris Matthews terrifying his staff, demonstrating a dodgy relationship with the powerful women in his life, and cursing on air.

We have a vivid memory of attending opening day of The Phantom Menace back in 1999: As the lights dimmed, one Darth Maul groupie—who appeared to achieve his ornate facial markings through the liberal application of drugstore lipstick and black shoe polish—shouted "16 years!!!" to appreciative cheers. What followed, of course, was not just unworthy of the 16 year wait since the previous Star Wars installment, but probably not even worth the two hours it took to sit through the movie itself. You could read it on the disappointed faces of each and every man, woman, and Ewok filing out of the theater that night, some of whom are to this day traumatized by the patois-spouting duck-ape called Jar Jar Binks.

The writers strike ended! Stephen Colbert was so excited, he introduced his entire writing staff at the top of the show, inviting them on-stage and high-fiving each one. Tiki Barber, Mr. Met, Kevin Bacon, Mikhail Baryshnikov, and disgraced former Times star Judith Miller all ended up in the lineup too. We're just glad Judy's keeping busy!

"Mogul Larry Tee, fashion designers Heatherette, new media Artist Andrew Strasser, and music video producer Francis Legge" all got together to produce this adorable and incredibly weird Valentine's Day music video featuring children chanting in their best Flying Lizards monotones over a looped electro beat as some sort of post-hipster Sesame Street interstitial video unfolds around them. Exploitation has never been sweeter. [Larry Tee]

We knew Jane Fonda was a dirty bird (Stephen Colbert KissGate, anyone?), but this morning on the Today Show, the actress let a little four-letter word slip that would even make notorious early morning F-Bomb dropper Diane Keaton blush. Chatting with Meredith Vieira and Vagina Monologues playwright Eve Ensler, Mer made the mistake of asking Hanoi Jane a question about how she initially got involved with the play. But before anyone could decipher her mouthful of an answer (and before confused producers could figure out which camera she felt like looking into at that particular moment), we heard one of the more distasteful terms for ladyflowers erupt from jumpy Jane's mouth.