· Enjoy Blue Reed, Abigail Breslin's cat, while you can. We have a feeling he's going to go mysteriously missing very soon, the only clue to his whereabouts a note in what seems to be Dakota Fanning's handwriting reading, "Stop!"
· Rainn Wilson's ass to steal the show at the Spirit Awards.
·Scarlett Johansson does Tom Waits.
· It was all but inevitable: Ice Road Truckers is going to be adapted into a feature, probably to star The Rock as the slip-sliding-big-rig-drivingest badass the Canadian tundra has ever seen

Now that we've entered the Hollywood phase of American Idol's tireless search for the Next Big Thing Who Will Be Dropped By A Record Label Within A Year, the tin-eared Small Town Gays and tone-deaf, razor-taloned hippies have all been culled from the competition, leaving us with precious few opportunities to enjoy the kind of ear-diddling disasters that are at the heart Idol's early-season bloodsport.

Ladies and gentlemen, the single best amateur campaign ad of the 2008 race. Hillary4U&Me features the youth of today joining together to support our favorite dynastic presidential hopeful... in song! The song, which sounds vaguely like an off-key Casio demo version of the Jacksons' "ABC", is inspiring. The video is cutting-edge. The whole enterprise is so awesomely sincere that we were convinced it had to be a parody until we learned that it was composed and performed by a Silicon Valley CEO and "accomplished hobbyist musician." Watch the whole video, after the jump!

"Snoop seems to have singlehandedly snatched the is-he-or-isn't-he irony confusion crown from R. Kelly," says tech exec Anil Dash, the blogger who appeared in the New York Times in a Goatse t-shirt. Dash figures that R. Kelly's "Trapped In The Closet" got boring when the artist realized the inanity of his own multi-part R&B drama. But in his 2007 song "Sensual Seduction" (or "Sexual Eruption," as Dash explains with 200 actually worthwhile words), Snoop is "both ridiculous and completely sincere." Read Dash's 8-point analysis and an examination of the breath tube, which Snoop uses instead of a vocoder or Auto-Tune. After the jump is the song itself, in the best music video ever.

The Internet-inspired protests against Scientology on February 10 were the results of the most spectacular viral campaign the Web has ever seen. Protesters across the globe thronged into the streets, clamoring for the eradication of Scientology's "toxic values." And the result? A lot of Internet video. Honestly, the best stuff I've seen since LonelyGirl15, but hardly effective. What, did they think chanting "Do not want" would send Tom Cruise into Namibian exile? Here's the sum total of Anonymous's efforts:

Celebrity Rehab fans have by now become more than acquainted with Jeff Conaway—who, since the departure of a cameraphone-diddling Daniel Baldwin, has become the de facto father figure to the youngster-addicts. They too have met succubus girlfriend Vikki, whose every visit to the Pasadena facility inevitably ends in tears, screaming, and at least one wheelchair flying through a plate-glass window. Such turbulence is often the way with deeply creative partnerships, however, and as a reader pointed out, the two are so much more than just self-perpetuating co-dependants: They're an aspiring hip-hop superduo!

Wonkette videographer Liz Glover made her way up to New York to cover fashion week, and she ran into Fox News! Or the Fox Business Network, that unwatched cousin. They were at fashion week filming a story about how hemlines predict the economy. Apparently. The Liz bugged them about their political affiliation. (The resulting Fox Business Hemline story is after the jump.)

Admit it. Michael Arrington's flame du jour, Meghan Asha, is working her way into your cold, schadenfreude-loving hearts, people. First you found out she doesn't need Arrington's bankroll. Then, the private plane. Now this from the above clip: She used to work as a hedge fund analyst and is now starting a company on the side. Plus, she's adorkably awkward on TV.

Leave it to the ladies of The View to somehow connect the dots between Amy Winehouse, anti-Semitic poets, and something Joy has termed "Restless Arm Syndrome." Following Amy's big night at the Grammys, a spirited debate broke out regarding the age old conundrum of whether or not artists should be publicly lauded if they also happen to be drug addicts. While we are thankful that those questions never get raised about bloggers, Hot Topics such as these are tailor made to bring out the best — and by best, we mean worst — in this Hasselbeck-less stable of bittys.

Sometimes you can see the moment when a YouTuber graduates from a sloppy wannabe comedian to promising talent in one breakout video. Weirdly enough, Adrien Chen's mock video application to Essence Magazine hasn't even broken a thousand views on Vimeo or YouTube. Maybe everyone stopped halfway through and missed the racism (not racist!) joke that ties the whole thing together.

Those funny videos where Finnish artist Santeri Ojala dubbed videos of famous guitar performances with intentionally terrible shredding are gone from YouTube, according to the Onion A.V. Club, and they're disappearing from MySpace, but Wired has all nine clips. My favorite is the last one, of Yngwie Malmsteen with the New Japan Philharmonic, particularly funny after hearing the real concert; here it is below.

Rupert Murdoch has clearly issued a diktat: The Wall Street Journal must now cater to the Slashdot crowd. And Andy Jordan has simperingly scampered to obey. On the front of WSJ.com's Technology section: "Andy Jordan hangs out at a LAN party, where caffeine-fueled videogamers battle till the wee hours of the morning." Jordan follows the pasty gamers to the local deli, hears from the lone Mac user who unplugs a comrade's computer after getting killed in-game, and finds out who consumes seemingly 90 percent of all energy drinks. This is the kind of high-level reporting we expect from the paper with which Murdoch hopes to beat the New York Times. Here's the video:

"Please don't attempt to 'help' me," says the blogger known as 90 Day Jane. "If you want to truly help, please send me ideas on how to do the deed." Is that even legal? In three months (83 days now), Jane is going to commit suicide, and meantime she'll write a daily essay with an admittedly neat look at one aspect of suicide. On Day 90 she said she wouldn't change her way of life. On Day 89 she wondered why movie suicides shave their heads. Day 88 she figured she won't pack up her belongings for her family; Day 87 was reactions-to-the-thousands-of-readers day, and on Day 86 she shopped for a suicide dress. There was video.

Dave Letterman has a long history of getting flirty with his guests. From Madonna to Drew Barrymore, from Julia Roberts to any one of the countless number of leggy supermodels he's talked to over the years, Diamond Dave has never been one to shy away from batting his proverbial lashes at his guests. Depending on his mood, this flirtatiousness generally takes shape in either a slew of complimentary bon mots or, when he's feeling aggressive, a subtle graze of the knee. But when Gossip Girl Blake Lively showed up on the set on Friday night proclaiming that Dave was one of her "childhood crushes", the sexual tension between the two was not only palpable, it approached the level of David Addison and Maddie Hayes.

Everyone knows that the most popular web videos are almost always crap. Did the Onion A.V. Club not check this before launching Videocracy, a daily list of "the most-talked-about online video content," or did they not care? Because in their inaugural chart [a commenter points out that the feature's a year old, which makes it even less explicable], each editorial description is a variation on "fuck you." Clip number 3 is "honestly not that impressive," #5 is "boring" (and like five years old), #6 is "annoying," 7 is "never-funny."

To "rickroll" is to entice someone to click on a link that unwittingly leads them to a clip of Rick Astley singing "Never Gonna Give You Up." It was attempted, IRL as the kids say, at one of those ridic "anonymous" Scientology protests last weekend. Retarded and awesome clip below.

Though Herbie Hancock delivered a huge upset by capturing the Album of the Year Grammy that clearly belonged to criminally underappreciated superstar Kanye West and Amy Winehouse selfishly distracted from his four-win night by hoarding five statuettes that would have looked much better upon the humble rapper's mantle (not to mention Winehouse's attention-whore hijacking of the ceremony's precious screentime via satellite), West would, in the end, have his Big Moment, even if he had to fight for it like he's had to battle for every scrap of recognition the System tries to withhold from him.