Just asking... if, as Edwards says, the affair with Rielle Hunter both began and ended in 2006, when he also told his wife about it, and Hunter's child isn't his, as he insists, then why, exactly, did he go visit Rielle and her baby last month? Catching up with an old friend? Does he honestly think he'll salvage a shred of his reputation with this shit? Also is that lie more or less believable than insisting that "friends or supporters" of his are sending Ms. Hunter thousands of dollars a month without his knowledge? Also, what the hell is wrong with him? Sigh. The early indications are that no one buys his bullshit. So. What next? The press will be furious and unforgiving. The distraction of the Olympics aside, now they have Edwards lying directly to them—insisting there was no story there to anyone who inquired, and abusing their love of Elizabeth to get them to back off. Now the press will turn on him, probably using his betrayal of his beloved wife as their excuse for endless castigation. Rielle will finally get her morning show booking. The devoted liberals will throw him under the bus for betraying the party. (Though some will continue to blame the media.) Now the race is on to somehow prove the paternity of the baby or—more likely—track down those payments. The Enquirer should already be on the money trail, so let's see what happens!

Click to viewThink Tay Zonday came up with that whole breathing-away-from-the-mic thing on his own? Think that gopher came up with his dramatic look all on his own? Think again, buster. Eat your lunch, watch the clip from Revision3's Internet Superstar embedded above and learn about the Encino School of Viral Video.

So yes, I lurve the Olympics. But those opening ceremonies? Heh. Judging from the montage put together by our video whiz kids Nick McGlynn and Chris Person (from clips found at Smashing Telly), those kick-off brouhahas tend to be either sensationally and terrifyingly bombastic displays of nationalistic power or ridiculously gay. Or, you know, both. Take a look at them above and shudder in awe. (Disclosure: I will forever be moved by that damn torch-lighting arrow thing.)

Having played everything in his long career from Barbra Streisand's sodomy-repressing patient in The Prince of Tides to a hook-handed war diarist in the upcoming Tropic Thunder, it seems a small tragedy that the single image most associated with permagrizzled thespian Nick Nolte is his infamous mugshot. Generally regarded as the gold standard to which all celebrity booking photos are held, there was virtually no aspect of the portrait that failed to convey a purity of wrongness: the sunken features, the pained grimace, the waterlily print buttoned up to the neck, and, of course, that shock of stringy chaos atop his head, defying all laws of physics as if fashioned by some oversugared pre-schooler out of a box of golden pipe-cleaners. Entire post-graduate seminars were dedicated to exploring its mysteries and beauty. So imagine our shock when the model himself finally revealed the true story behind its conception on The Tonight Show. This wasn't a mugshot at all, it turns out, but Nolte's selfless contribution to the Sacramento Policemen's Annuity and Benefit Fund.

· There's an art to gorging on a casino buffet dessert station, and YouTube's Feeder-Scene Queen Deidrababe is going to walk you through it, blondie by blondie. Deidra: You have a standing offer to do premiere spread reviews for us. [Deidrababe's YouTube Channel]
· Well, it seems someone heard our appeal to reason in the Trade Roundup today: Variety is reporting Brad Pitt has signed on for Inglorious Bastards. Pitt. Novak. Roth. The Weinsteins are back! [Variety]
· As Playgirl publishes its last hard edition, a gallery of some of their greatest covers. We know we've rubbed many a one out to Alan Thicke's sensual mullet and the sultry divorce-porn of Kramer Vs. Kramer. [GiggleSugar.com]
· Lil' Kim's karaoke party ends in the bludgeoning death of both a woman and at least one performance of "Don't Stop Believin'." [AP]
· Hey, look everyone! It's the new Quantum of Solace poster! [RR]

You didn't think we'd post last week's Top Ten of the coolest male TV characters without following up with one dedicated to all the honeys, now, did you? And while our definitive men's list—checked and rechecked by a panel of TV experts canvassed at various local correctional facilities and gourmet coffee outlets—surprisingly met with some vocal opposition, we're confident its vagina-filled counterpart will please even the most persnickety of TV-lady lovers. There's only one way to know for sure, however. Click play, and decide for yourselves.

Last week we learned from Dan Kaminsky that DNS servers — computers that translate domain names into the numerical IP addresses machines use to locate each other on the Internet — had a security issue, all around the world, that made them vulnerable to hackers. In fact HD Moore, the man who wrote an exploit for the bug got hacked himsef. Here's a time-lapse video showing the progression of network engineers working overtime to apply software patches to servers.

First Bare Naked Ladies, then Weezer, and now a hip-hop performer calling himself AC have marketed themselves by parodying Internet memes. AC takes on Apple's "New Soul" commercial in the video below. And since three's a trend, we feel obliged to report on it, allowing us to post the video and let it work its magic. Enjoy AC's "New Soul," directed by Steven Tapia during your lunch hour and remember, you're a sucker for these tactics too.

There are a lot of places to start with this clip from last night's episode of Greatest American Dog: for example, though the on-screen chyron gives the dog's name as "Galaxy," we're pretty sure that owner JD variously calls for "Gutsy," "Curtsy," and "Koyaanisqatsi." More entertaining, though, than JD's strange names or his hip-hop/breakdancing routine with a nonplussed Galaxy are the reaction shots from the judges, which run the gamut from open-mouthed incredulity to a suspenseful, physical performance of, "Should I applaud? Yes? Both hands? No, just the one. How will I clap, then? Why, I'll just hit the table in a few sharp strokes like I'm a bad nanny." [CBS]

Hot on the heels of Simple Jack (the fake, controversy-baiting trailer from Tropic Thunder that was eventually yanked) comes the trailer for Teresa: The Making of a Saint, an NC-17 Mother Teresa biopic starring Transformers actress (and parrot lover) Megan Fox. But wait! Could this, too, be a fake trailer, what with its cast made up of Hollywood heavyweights like "Sir Ben Queensly"? Indeed, it's just the latest in Hollywood's brand-new obsession with fake ads for real movies, this one designed to draw buzz for the Vanity Fair-set roman à clef How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, starring Fox as actress "Sophie Maes." Forgive us, but we'd much rather see Teresa than the real movie it's designed to promote — especially if the saintly missionary arrives in Calcutta tossing off Diablo Cody-penned bon mots like, "Fried bologna is the bomb!"

Rielle Hunter lived a rich second life as a character in literary fiction before allegedly luring Democratic politician John Edwards into a rich second life as father to her love child. You'll recall the actress was the inspiration for the pivotal bad girl, Alison Poole, in a novel by Jay McInerney. And that McInerney's friend Bret Eason Ellis extended Poole's highly sexual run in two of his own novels, Glamorama and American Psycho. As luck would have it, the 2000 movie adaptation of the latter book, starring Christian Bale, retains some discussion of Poole. As this video excerpt makes clear, Rielle Hunter — sorry, Alison Poole — had a reputation that preceded her. Click the icon to watch.

· We should really watch CNN more often: A spoonful of Big Gay Bitch Anderson Cooper's ultracatty insights into the Lohan clan really helps the hard news go down. [CNN] · Whew—that was a close one. Mary Kate Olsen is officially off the hook after the U.S. Attorney's Office closes the case on Heath Ledger's death. [People] · Gawker urges journalists covering the Olympics to search out the next Tonya Harding. "Why? Whyyy?" Ah—that never gets old. [Gawker] · Mr. Blackwell is at death's door! (Death looks hideous by the way—that cloak is so drab and dowdy.) [ETOnline] · Canadians are not as nice as previously assumed. [Yahoo]

Apparently, NBC has decided to continue going through the paces of finding America's Top Talent-Haver, when clearly feline pretzel-girl Victoria already has this rodeo all sewn up. Still, there's something to be said for adhering to reality show protocol—particularly when tucking royalty struts among us—and so we were more than happy to take in Drag Tina Turner's electrifying semi-final audition, which unfolded with clockwork precision as her main competition, Drag Britney Spears, watched nervously from the wings. Of course, there was only room for one drag finalist; that, unfortunately, went to neither performer, but rather a Victoria impersonator—played by a 55-year-old, four-foot-tall Chinese-American letter carrier from Sioux Falls, SD—who proved as astonishingly flexible as his adorably whiskered inspiration.

The Olympics: nothing else is important! We expect the media to cover the games with the proper amount of cynical patriotic fervor, and we expect the populace to sit on their plush couches and absorb the proceedings like good-and occasionally xenophobic-citizens. But amidst all the beauty, brawn, and nakedness that the Olympics offer us, we all have one question looming in the back of our minds: "Could I do that?" Two weekend warriors set out on a quest to compare themselves, athletically, with Olympians, and discovered the answer: no. It's quite satisfying to watch:

They're one of Hollywood's most glorious odd couples: pixie dream girl Natalie Portman and Manson-resembling folk singer Devendra Banhart. Still, despite the fact that Portman was game enough to appear as an octopus in one of Banhart's videos, she still can't seem to shake those naysayers clucking, "Is she really going out with him?" She is — and she's hardly the first fresh-scrubbed starlet to fall for a charming, soap-eschewing bohemian. With the help of Molly McAleer, we've put together a Top Ten list of the world's most loved-up hippie womanizers. Is it their devil-may-care facial hair, their free love attitudes, or their penchant for sharing necklaces that draws in Hollywood's most beautiful ingenues? Burn some incense and meditate on the subject — we'll be out back crafting a swingset made of hemp and spit.

We hate to pile on more misery for Corey Feldman, having just spit his final goodbyes at former best friend Corey Haim after a tender sneaker-note gesture went awry. But we simply had to share some recently unearthed lost performance footage, in which the actor/poolside musician—who spoke out against Michael Jackson during that singer's 2005 child molestation trial—appears to be singing in white-soul-inflected tongues while being possessed by the groin-thrusting spirit of the deposed Pop King himself. The YouTube page hosting this monstrosity comes with an appropriately severe caution ("Warning! This video is very disturbing!"), but we encourage you to tough it through to the very end, if only to experience the vicarious sweet release of one audience member who had simply had enough.

Did you catch Anderson Cooper on Live! With Regis And Kelly this morning? If you did, you got something of look inside the CNN heartthrob's conflicted soul. First Cooper said his favorite Project Runway contestant is the one who's really into leather — heh. Then came a long stretch where Cooper really couldn't stop himself from revealing more and more of his involuntary obsession with the with the "atrocious... trainwreck" of a reality show Living Lohan. Cooper said actress Lindsay Lohan's mother Dina and sister Ali are "horrific people," with Ali set to become a "striptease person" (well, of course). But he can't look away — Cooper even makes time for the show while reporting in a warzone. And don't we all sorta feel that way about reality television? This is why Anderson Cooper is America's Secret Boyfriend. Fall in love with him all over again after the jump.

· In honor of Pineapple Express opening tomorrow, we thought we'd further promote mind-alteration with this trippy Hanna-Barbera anti-drug PSA, best enjoyed after a delicious bowl of psilocybin-and-MDMA cobbler. [Attack of the Show] · Wesley Snipes' Totally Fucking Insane Tax-Avoidance Trial of the Century yields another blow for the embattled action star: He must reimburse the government the $217,000 it cost to prosecute him. [usatoday.com] ·The whole Zack and Miri Make an NC-17 Porno ratings publicity gambit is playing itself out pretty much according to script. [AP] · Fly, balloons! Fly far, and free! Take our messages to the ends of the Earth! [b3ta.com] · We'll admit to being totally obsessed with the flatulent-frosting goings-on over at Cakefarts, but if you'd like to partake in the cakey awfulness without being subjected to something quite so graphic, Cake Wrecks provides a safe-for-the-whole-family alternative. [Cake Wrecks]

Remember how John McCain mocked Barack Obama by comparing the Democratic presidential candidate to Paris Hilton, implying both of them were vapid celebrities and royally pissing off Hilton's McCain-bankrolling family? It turns out Paris has a sense of humor about the whole thing, and made an actually-pretty-funny video about it for Will Ferrell's Funny Or Die. It's after the jump. And it's funny because Hilton implies she has a sophisticated knowledge of an important geopolitical issue LOL! Also, protocelebrities take note: This is a example of how you take some mildly negative PR and spin it so masterfully your image ends up better polished than ever.

Last week's episode of The Two Coreys was the source of much consternation over here at Defamer HQ. While we'll never know if the Haimster and Felddog will be able to make amends after their friendship-crushing throwdown (that is, until A&E greenlights Season Three), the episode spurred our own Molly McAleer to spend her lunch break sprawled out on lawn somewhere in K-Town postulating which Corey was truly at fault for this epic breakdown. But, as some of you noted, Susie Feldman escaped Molly's rant virtually unscathed. Tonight, all that changes. Enjoy!