Gwyneth Paltrow has worked really hard at ditching her snottier-than-thou attitude this year. Not only did she go to great lengths to sex up her image during the seemingly endless Iron Man press tour by donning a series of towering heels and flashing ample amounts of thigh, her admission that she's raising a pair of cross-dressing toddlers might even earn a nod of approval from the Lou Reed and David Johansen's of the world. But all of the inroads she's built look like they could come crashing down, thanks to her appearance in a hoity-toity political ad airing overseas now.After crushing poor Scarlett Johansson's double-D sized heart after publicly imploding their burgeoning email relationship, Barack Obama has been battling charges of elitism from the right-wing media and fending off attacks from John McCain that he's just another Valtrex popping celebutard. While recruiting Gwyneth Paltrow to appear in a special "Vote Abroad" campaign might help with the latter attack, it certainly doesn't help him with the former. And as for Gwyneth? We're not sure what it is about you that we're supposed to identify with as being All-American these days. You live abroad (meaning, you're not just there temporarily for a job). You're married to a mopey musician (who was born, raised and currently abides in England). You're raising your kids to be British. You won an Oscar ... for playing a Brit. Forgive us if we're finding it difficult to find the ties between you and baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. Except, of course, for the fact that you named your kid Apple.

We have been overcome today by a tidal wave of sympathy for everyone's favorite non-silly-voiced summer superhero Robert Downey Jr., who just can't seem to catch a break on his Tropic Thunder press junket. No sooner had he been ambushed by a rogue reporter from the I'm A Drunken Stoned Moron Entertainment News Syndicate, he then came face to face with E!'s Debbie Matenopoulos.At least the other guy gave multiple-choice options for his idiotic, "Who'd you rather divorce/skullfuck/play-Halo 3-with?" line of questioning. Matenopolous, on the other hand, seems perfectly happy to just let random keywords drawn from the press materials hang in the air, strung together festively by a string of ellipses: "Vietnam...clearly...how did this happen?...genius...Oscar...[chuckle]...Avengers...Stiller...Chaplin?" Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to shoot some smack between our toes. If we're going to nod off, we might as well enjoy the experience.

While you might not recognize the name Tiffany Pollard, anyone who has followed Vh1's Celebreality franchises over the last three years certainly knows the name New York. After getting rebuffed by Flavor Flav on the first two installments of the gloriously trashy Flavor Of Love series, she became one of cable television's biggest stars when the premiere episode of I Love New York became the most-watched series premiere in the network's history. Now, having proved to be one of reality television's most resilient stars (along with Real World / Road Rules vets like Mark Long and Coral Smith), Tiffany "New York" Pollard is now attempting to be the first person since Real World: London's Jacinda Barrett to make the successful leap to silver screen stardom on her newest show, New York Goes To Hollywood. In the show's first episode, New York learns that, just like any other aspiring actor or actress, she needs to get herself a manager before she has the opportunity to show what she can do on the casting couch. Sadly, the monologue she delivered for a room full of low-level talent scouts — the kind that would have trouble scoring a table for 4 at the In-N-Out Burger — made Brian Atene look like Stanislavski's most prized pupil. Her poorly performed (yet hilariously overacted) riff on dog shit and public transportation awaits you after the jump.

Seth Rogen adds another dimension of career versatility this week with Pineapple Express, audiences' first glimpse at his impressive action chops. As explained to David Letterman in no uncertain terms on Monday night, however, the Power Schlub — who is starting out preparations for his title role in The Green Hornet — still has a ways to go before achieving the muscular standard of his genre counterparts. For starters, we don't imagine Daniel Craig struggles as mightily with crunches as Rogen has, and even Tobey Maguire seems to have overcome the training anguish to which Rogen claims he's succumbed as unglamourously as possible. But look on the bright side, Seth: If ever Hollywood had a quick fix for a fitter, thinner you, stomach-emptying is indeed as tried-and-true a method as any. Ask anyone — and keep at it! [CBS]

Can't a little movie like Tropic Thunder catch a break? The Ben Stiller comedy has thus far managed to survive racism, ratings, "retards," and American Idol — and that's before it's even come out (Wednesday, August 13!). Still, all that was child's play compared to the newest Tropic trouble, instigated by an overzealous radio DJ who crashed the film's junket to ask Robert Downey Jr. some of the most inane questions Iron Man has ever had to face. Listen in horror as the notoriously rehabbed actor is asked which costar he'd like to “drink a brew and smoke a blunt with” (only the first of many, many stupid questions) — we've even provided a helpful assortment of what we can only imagine were Jack Black and Ben Stiller's reaction shots. Enjoy!

Our old friend Monty got a shout-out tonight on the Colbert Report. Not only did this illustrate that his story has made that critical third leap — from blog to cable news to cable fake news — the segment also surfaced a highly plausible new theory as to what Earthly form Monty took before he became a demon hellspawn. Kiss the dog, raccoon, pig and vole theories goodbye! Click the video icon to view.

· We think it's the one who shows up to spring break with your professional beer-bongist Uncle Knobs in tow. [Brooke Knows Best] · We could spend all day reading the various captions beneath identical tabloid photos of Sylvester Stallone's veiny forearms. [Daily Mail] · There's something about Sawyer weighing in on the Chosen Blobs photos that kind of kills the whole Lost mystique—we just can't put our fingers on what that is. [ET Online] · If we told you we had access to footage of Hitler singing one of the greatest TV theme songs of all time, is that something you might be interested in? [WOW Report] · "Molly McAleer is the cute, adorably sassy, camera-friendly personality on defamer.com. We are a website looking for our Molly McAleer." We'll trade her for a pack of Marlb Meds and a handicap parking pass. [Craigslist]

The incessant squabbling between Corey Feldman and Corey Haim reached its logical conclusion on last night's The Two Coreys, when Haim—fresh off a botched chance at career resuscitation on the set of Lost Boys 2—was cornered by Pauly Shore and Todd Bridges for an intervention/'80s-TV-theme-singalong gone terrible wrong (video after the jump). What comes next is something so horrible—worse even than Feldman's ear-shredding poolside recital—that our shaking hands can barely type the words to describe it: A note left inside one of Haim's sneakers (nice touch, story editing department!) leads to a nuclear showdown between the two soured bromance partners and Mrs. Susie Sprague-Feldman. Does this mark the very end for the two lifelong friends? Will they never again stand-by-side, posing playfully with Popsicles as if they were lit stogies? We pray that's not the case, but we fail to see how they'll ever be able to replace the smoking rubble where once stood sturdy bridges. Until the next episode, at least.

Much like peanut butter and jelly, Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are considerably more enjoyable together than when they are split apart. But during the second season of The Two Coreys, the forces of nature (not to mention a shady psychologist) seem hellbent on tearing the duo apart. Things between The Coreys came to a head during last night's episode and the results shook our young videographer, Miss Molly McAleer, to her very core. In tonight's installment of To Do's, Molls makes some compelling arguments as to why her Corey allegiances lie the way they do. Enjoy!

Richard Blakeley, the Gawker videologist who turned this year's CES into a TV-free zone, has turned his clicker on Wired covergirl Julia Allison. She is a rich target for parody: the lip dubs, the outfits, the new friends she charms into acting like old friends. The only problem with Blakeley's "NomSociety," a spoof of Allison's startup NonSociety? It assumes that anyone was ever paying attention to Allison's "startup." The original work, which you probably haven't seen, below:

Even when Manhattan's favorite Internet hipster Jakob Lodwick isn't high, he's not that hard-working. Connected Ventures cofounder Zach Klein reminisces about the early days of Connected Ventures, the IAC-backed testosteronefest behind CollegeHumor and Vimeo. Lodwick leads the startup's crew in singing "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life," and trashes cofounder Ricky Van Veen's cardboard cutout of Shaquille O'Neal. Any questions on why Vimeo's performance soared after IAC fired Lodwick? shaq attack from Amir Cohen on Vimeo.

Bangkok police arrested a Thai teenager "after he was found trying to steer a cab backwards out of a Bangkok street with the severely wounded driver in the back seat," reports Reuters. The kid told police he didn't mean to kill the driver and only stabbed him to death after he fought back. In Take-Two Interactive's Grand Theft Auto IV, the game that the kid later said inspired his attack, players don't always have to kill drivers to steal their cars. "He said he wanted to find out if it was as easy in real life to rob a taxi as it was in the game," said chief police investigator Veeravit Pipattanasak. New Era Interactive Media, which distributes Grand Theft Auto in Thailand, has asked retailers to remove the game from their shelves.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs would have you believe his health is a private matter, but in this clip Michael Dell, the eponymous founder of the PC churner-outer, tells reporters otherwise.

Gossips in Palo Alto tell us Apple CEO Steve Jobs spends less and less weekend time at his modest suburban home there. That reminds them of a time when such absences were also commonplace — back when before Jobs announced he'd been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. "I think the cancer is back," one neighbor said. Kris Arnold has had enough with the baseless speculation. We present his spoof of Chris Crocker's "Leave Britney Alone!" rant, "Leave Steve Jobs Alone!":

Perhaps the greatest thing in drama and comedy is that moment when a character totally unloads verbally in the worst possible way. Freak-outs, hissy-fits, last-nerve explosions... Nothing is more entertaining. And, in a freaky way, nothing is more nurturing. So let us share our favorites, shall we? I'll get us started with one everyone loves.

Are you havin' a laugh? The Brits aren't great at that many things. I mean, geez, they let a bunch of freaking drunken farmers steal their best set of colonies right out from under them. But they are a funny lot! So let's celebrate their bizarre sense of humor this evening with our favorite bits of English mirth. As usual, I've got something obvious to get us started after Ye Olde Jump.

· Shia LeBeouf (not to mention his truck, his hand, his reputation and Transformers 2) has had better weeks. · A 5.4 earthquake left us both shaken and stirred. · The Dark Cock Knight ended its second week of mint-making and critic-threatening. · Marketing milestones included Miley Cyrus for condoms and Manoj for Hallmark. · While fans raved online, America's most respected critics gave The Hills two thumbs up. · This year's Emmy host appears to have had some major work done recently. · Republicans and celebrity: An idea whose time has come. And gone. That was fast! · Except for Elisabeth Hasselbeck. But Whoopi Goldberg is working on it. · A frozen George Lucas was a good (or at least a better) George Lucas. · Our own Molly McAleer celebrated Take Your Son to Work Day. · We'll ask again: Which male TV personality was caught weeping in a dollar store? · The Tomfather was implicated in Scientology Mafiagate. · A stolen story and Kevin Costner's own $20 million later, behold Swing Vote. · Ali Lohan is meeting adults! Especially the dirty old ones!

When the city shook this week, scattering whole herds of TV paragons from their studios in bug-eyed panic, one institution stood firm: Dirt Sandwich. Better yet, the week's greatest hits in entertainment news saw it all, from Billy Bush's pants-soiling to Mark McGrath's penultimate humiliation as the outgoing host of Extra! to the seismic justice rocking Judge Judy's courtroom. And when the Earth stilled, there were Elizabeth Taylor and Miss USA (among others) to give the aftermath a touch of awkward class. Yes, behold Dirt Sandwich, as assembled by noble Defamer videographer Molly McAleer — monolithic, omniscient, sturdy and altogether delicious. Take a bite, won't you?

For better or worse, this summer has been all about the action movie franchise — their stirring heroes, their ghastly villains, and the enduring good vs. evil standoffs that keep them going. Bold Defamer videographer Molly McAleer is one of those heroes in the making, having today taken shelter against the onset of monsters outside her Koreatown redoubt. Yet while she never misses a beat in bringing you your weekend To Dos, a few key loose ends will no doubt require at least two sequels. For starters, you don't even want to see the Wrath of Molls when someone dares threaten her beloved young son. We smell blockbuster. Have a good weekend!

In a startling example of accidental domestic terrorism, the CDC announced today a major breach of its "Dane Cook Cloning" program, begun in 1997 when weaponized anthrax was found "simply not annoying enough." Clone DC-01 escaped his holding cell two weeks ago (distinguishable from his progenitor only by his tattooed sleeves), finally appearing in public to try his hand at terrible, terrible stand-up comedy during last night's episode of Last Comic Standing. The experiment was a success. We are all doomed. [NBC]