As the various, cretinous cast members of The Hills took to David Letterman's couch in recent weeks, more than a few of us were left wondering how the entertainment landscape had so quickly devolved from the days when the effortlessly charming and talented likes of Teri Garr would grace his stage—the two trading bon mots and flirting shamelessly, with Paul Shaffer providing a suitably white-funkified musical backdrop to the fizzy proceedings. They say you can't capture lightning in a bottle twice (do they say that? Or are we mixing our metaphors? Where were we? Oh right, Dave and Teri), but you also can't deny chemistry, and it was on abundant display when the two were reunited last night. They're grayer now, and slower—Dave touchingly guided Teri, who is suffering from MS, to her chair—but you can't deny the spark is still there. As Letterman stuck to his, "Did you do it with Elvis?"-line of questioning, Garr shot down the long-standing rumors that the two had once engaged in naked-pretzel antics themselves. But after the jump, we'd invite you to compare and contrast a classic pairing from 1986, in which an amorous Dave opens with, "I'd like to get a can of Windex and go to work." Suddenly, his preoccupation with Elvis makes sense, in a vicarious-thrills-seeking way. It's good to be The King.

On the "yellow carpet" at the SpikeTV Guy's Choice Awards, Mahalo Daily host Lon Harris asked Tila Tequila what it would take for Facebook to woo the über-popular MySpace user. "A big fat check," she jokes at first. But after a little prodding, she admits that an appeal to the heart might also work, "if the person or whoever runs it is hot and takes me out on a date." Harris proceeds to explain that 24-year old co-founder Mark Zuckerberg is "pretty hot." He must like guys with long necks and big ears.

Heinz has a new commercial out in the UK starring a guy who works at a deli. He's so popular for his delicious mayonnaise, you see, that the man of the house gives him a kiss on the way out the door. But Bill O'Reilly sees this for what it really is: "It was obviously a gay thing!" O'Reilly's insight into the gay issue is almost as piercing as his colleague John Gibson's was when he cracked all those gay jokes about Heath Ledger right after the actor's death. "This whole gender-blending thing, it's confusing to me," says O'Reilly. "I just want mayonnaise. I don't want guys kissing." Sorry; you must have a man's tongue in your mouth before you get any mayonnaise, Bill. Watch the homosexual Heinz ad after the jump.

Click to viewWe've shown you their ridiculous pratfalls, their insane and wonderful on-camera meltdowns, and now we bring you the best of television news folks' lip slips. You know those, they're the terrifically awkward moments when an anchor says "blow job" instead of "block party," or accidentally outs their station's weatherman. They're completely embarrassing, uncomfortable, and downright amazing. Above is our compilation of the breast. I mean best.

· Wow—the backdoor compliments were really flying when Jane Krakowski took Letterman's couch last night, but luckily most of them flew over the talk show host's head. [Late Show]
· Behold: Today's unveiling of the massive Dave Beckham underwear ad on a San Francisco Macy's. If you think those bloodcurdling sounds at the beginning are bad, just wait until his Volkswagen-sized package is revealed. [YouTube]
· Speaking of which, we hear Will Smith has a similarly proportioned super-endowment in his new movie. [thelondonpaper.com]
· Robert Davis of Paste magazine and Sue Pierman of The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel are about to become the laughingstock of the terrible-Mike-Myers-movie-critiquing field. [Rotten Tomatoes]
·And finally: What the fuck is Mario Lopez's problem? No—like seriously. What is up with this dude? [Just Jared]

Finally, after years of thinking good girl Anne Hathaway's sleazy (possibly ex!) boyfriend was the K. Fed to her Britney (or is it the other way around?), the formerly controversy-free actress is beginning to show the most subtle of signs that all is not fairy dust and rainbows in her world. In this clip from today's View, resident bitch-in-benevolent-clothing Elisabeth Hasselbeck asked how Anne got along with the more frequent tabloid cover flier Kate Hudson on the set of this fall's Bride Wars. And after witnessing the normally cool under pressure Hathaway struggle to grit her Chicklet teeth and pretend all was peachy keen between the two leading ladies, we finally got some visual confirmation of the rumors of tension between Hathaway and Hudson that we've been hearing about for months. Watch Anne's true colors fly after the jump.

If Charlie Kaufman were approached to reignite the long-stalled career of Belgian action hero and gameshow-erection-haver Jean-Claude Van Damme, it might come off a lot like J.C.V.D.. In it, he's called upon to play a loose version of his own, frequently maligned persona—blow-Hoovering warts and all—and the turn has been described as everything from "subtle, funny, and capable of self-deprecation" to "not only touching, but troubling and moving too." And those are quotes from real critics—not Van Damme himself! We've included a pivotal scene above, in which real J.C. plays movie-J.C., discussing the factual accuracy of the character of movie-within-a-movie J.C. on the set of a J.C. biopic. Not mindfucked enough yet? Well, what if we told you that a secret portal at the back of the ladies sportswear department of Les Galeries Lafayette allows the traveler to view the world through Van Damme's eyes, before being unceremoniously dumped somewhere along the Port of Antwerp? (Just kidding. We don't want to see that end up on some J.C.V.D. synopsis on IMDb.)

OK, so that didn't happen. But were you going to watch this video if we billed it as "Antonio Sabato Jr. recreates some of the most famous hood ornaments of all time on NBC's ghetto, circus-themed reality experiment?" Every time we tune into Celebrity Circus, we feel like something really awkward and sad just happened the second before—like that weird French contortionist judge lady just broke the news to Rachel Hunter she has trapeze cancer or something. Everyone's always crying and looking down at the floor and snapping at each other. Then they cut to a training video, and Stacey Dash is sliding into an MRI machine and her Hammock of Death partner is standing in a hospital waiting room, tensely explaining that things don't look good. You get the point. This is not fun! This is nothing like a circus! These Z-list celebrities clearly don't want to be there. Would you really want to told by a panel of circus freaks that you failed to maintain a convincing smile while rotating 360 degrees in a little-person gyroscope? Let's face it—this was a terrible idea. [Celebrity Circus]

Like Danny Kaye in White Christmas, David Letterman doesn't quite get choreography. Or maybe theatre altogether. And he's not afraid to tell that to the delightful Jane Krakowski, in amusing fashion. Clip is above.

Want to know how seriously venture capitalists take their entrepreneurs-in-residence, those CEO-wannabes they toss a paycheck at to keep them off the streets? Ask James Slavet and David Sze of Greylock Partners. In this clip, they get a good giggle with BoomTown's Kara Swisher over new hire Jeff Weiner's funny name. (Confused? Pronounced weener, "Weiner" is a homonym for the schoolyard word for penis.) Swisher: "This is the pair that sucked Weiner away from Yahoo. Not that it was hard." Sze: "Hah! It was enjoyable! I may do it again!"

"We think we could go public on our numbers," LInkedIn founder Reid Hoffman tells Tech Ticker's Sarah Lacy in a video interview (excerpted below). But the company, which just raised $53 million, won't IPO because it would rather reinvest its profits and because the U.S. public markets are too turbulent right now. Hoffman says LinkedIn will use the money in part to buy "good, small tech teams." In the clip, Hoffman says the race with Facebook toward an IPO isn't much of a race. It's more like, "No, you go first," he explains. Hoffman and his handpicked CEO, Dan Nye, shouldn't grow too cautious. Hoffman himself helped PayPal go public during the last downturn, so he knows a strong company can thrive in a poor market. But more importantly, for a professional's social network like LinkedIn, we can't imagine much better free marketing than the nonstop coverage CNBC would give consumer tech's first major IPO in years.

· Forget gay marriage—we're waiting for domestic/employer marriages to be legalized, so that Flipping Out's Jeff Lewis can finally make an honest woman out of his frittata-serving lifemate, Zoila. [Bravo]
· Jerry Seinfeld's lawyers are now accusing cookbook author Missy Chase Lapine of craftily switching lawsuit terminology from "comedian" to "actor" to help her defamation case, which to us suggests they're getting desperate. [AP]
· Charlie Sheen feels just awful about using the N-word in some voicemails he left Denise Richards three years ago. He would also like to stress that that doesn't at all lessen his desire to see her nudged off the side of a hot air balloon basket. [ET Online]
·Ah, UTA Joblist, how far you've tumbled: Paradigm is now slumming it on Craigslist in search of assistants. [Craigslist]
· A moose head in your bed will be the least of your problems when you cross Canada's ruthless Salmon Mafia. [CNN]

With Lindsay Lohan hard at work on the set of her new film Labor Pains, we thought it was high time to reach out to her in an attempt to find out how life's treating her these days. We came to find out that, in a twist that echoes the `80s classic Sleepaway Camp, living Lohan hasn't always been a walk in the park for everyone's favorite firecrotch. And we also find out that there may have been more in those cokepants than just, well, coke. Your evening To Do's follow after le jump.

Now that we've viewed Get Smart, we feel safe and more than a little sad to report that the sluggish advance word — i.e. "staggeringly bad" — overheard a few weeks ago wasn't too far from the truth. Worse yet, the contagion appeared to have reached Late Night with David Letterman on Tuesday, when the host noted a physical resemblance between star Steve Carell and the late Don Adams, the original Maxwell Smart whom Carell momentarily claimed to have met at this week's premiere. Honest mistake, apparently — he meant to say "Adams's widow"! Shortly after correcting Carell, Letterman proposed showing a clip; the star's deadpan gives way to a look of head-shaking terror we think he actually may have meant in earnest. Or perhaps it was just our post-Smart malaise messing with us. Judge for yourself after the jump, and let's all hope Carell has a less unnerving late-night act together by the time the inevitable Get Smart 2 comes around in a couple of years. [CBS]

MTV has decided to try the novel strategy of actually running some music videos on their network, something that hasn't been seen there since the inception of The Real World. But they've added an annoying, faux-modern twist in their new show FNMTV (ha): not only will they show music videos, they'll provide a place for homemade insta-response videos made by you, the viewer. Sound asinine? Oh, it is. But everybody has something to say and deserves to say it momentarily on MTV. And it has great interactive appeal, especially if you're interested in talking burritos, dimly lit karaoke clips, and an earnest analysis of the Pussycat Dolls by some dude with a beard:

Boy, you just know that when you see the headline "RACE-CARD JOKER DUG OWN GRAVE" above that photo of Post columnist Andrea Peyser that you are in for a treat. And she does not disappoint! Former Mets manager Willie Randolph, see, was whiny and overpaid and complained far too often that people were racist to him. When he was asked why the Mets own cable station was so mean to him all the time, he foolishly said something about how black people are held to higher standards. Or, as Peyser puts it, he "channeled Jesse Jackson and stabbed at the heart of fans, colleagues, and the entire colorblind game we call baseball." Ha, we forgot that professional sports is a post-racial utopia where white fans, owners, and media figures don't consider black athletes to be ungrateful overpaid savages. This all raises a question that the media's been really into tackling lately: why are black people so angry? In the attached clip, the noted racial experts at Fox News attempt to find the answer!

Michelle Obama, loving and chronically sarcastic wife to presidential candidate Barack Obama, is co-hosting lady show The View today. She opened by terrorist fist-jabbing all her co-hosts! She is smart and funny and friendly and regular, and none of that will stop people from calling her a constantly aggrieved radical or whatever. Though between today's hosting duty and her US Weekly cover, she's obviously on a charm offensive. For the first time in our adult life, we're proud of daytime television and tabloid magazines.

· We suppose deep down we always knew Barbara Walters slept with every one of her subjects, but some kind of psychic safety-net always omitted Ellen DeGeneres from that list. [Ellen]
· The Rocker trailer features more flying cymbals to the crotch per minute than any comedy in history! [Variety]
· Among the amazing revelations in this Lou Ferrigno interview: CBS changed Bruce Banner's name to David because they thought Bruce "sounded too gayish." [USA Today]
· Blinded By Thongs is now what we plan on calling that band we've been meaning to start since high school. [The Smoking Gun]
·"There's a SIG alert on the 405, apparently a multicar pileup caused by...this can't be right...Eddie Murphy's giant head?" [Deadline Hollywood Daily]